Sweet Content

Life has been so sweet. It has been full of blessings and promises fulfilled. 


As I mentioned in this post here, I have been trying to not allow the enemy to take this time away from us and despite that we are still fighting against sickness. 


I had a moment or two of weakness this past weekend. And my sweet friend over at "The best is yet to come" reminded me to savor every moment and not keep looking for the better. 


Wow did I have to hear that!


We have a lot of planning going on over here for summer time. 


My husband and I LOVE summer! We are beach people. We like laying by the pool, going to the beach, soaking up the sun, etc. 


Our ideal vacation includes a beach and good tans! 


So we are ready! It was a cold winter and a rainy spring so bring on the sun! 


Anyways, we have a lot of plans for summertime. We are going on a trip to NYC sans children! I am so excited about this, you have no idea! I haven't been to Manhattan since I don't remember when and our trip is booked, musical tickets are ready and woohoo! 


We are also traveling with my family to Alabama for a family trip. I am very excited about this as well. It's going to be lots of fun, on the beach every day! Love it! Plus we will be celebrating my parents 30th wedding anniversary while there so it will be a sweet time with everyone. 


We also are planning a few trips to our local beach and a few to schlitterbaun as well. 


Anyways, with all this planning I suppose I have gotten ahead of myself. I love to plan. I love control over where to go, what to do, etc. I love lists and laying out all we can do! CRAZY! 


This is where my problem lies. Control. When I don't have control. When I can't plan. When I can't make lists I go a little crazy! 


So, this weekend I went a little crazy b/c I could not plan something, I had no control of it and I really had little power over it. 


I knew nothing nor could I do anything! 


This control freak was having issues! 


And then, I realized...this is just another thing that is taking away from my joy. Another things that is distracting me from this sweet, content, peaceful time. 


And it did exactly that. I was totally distracted. I was sad. I was frustrated. I wasn't enjoying anything. 


Last night my little girl was sick with fever. She woke up around 3:30 and I went up to hold her, soothe her and give her some medicine. Every time I tried to put her in her bed she would clench on to me, her little hands would grasp my shirt and her legs tightened up around my waist and she would start to wimper. 


So I held her. 


I was so tired. I was uncomfortable and her fever broke so my shirt was wet from her sweat. 


But as I sat there with her I felt such a peace and joy...total content. 


Yes, she was sick. I hated that. I had no control over her little body. I was tired, but I treasured that hour. I was able to hold and smell her sweet head and stroke her soft hair. She's getting so big I don't get to do that as much anymore. 


Sweet fulfillment. 


And whatever else comes along or doesn't, whatever plans I have, none of it matters; God has better plans and great blessings in store and in the meantime I will wait on Him and enjoy my gifts now!


"Father, I am constantly tested and thank God constantly growing! Thank you that I am not stagnant! Not anymore! Thank you for all you have blessed me with. Thank you for plans, they are good. We are going to have a great summer, we are going to have fun and enjoy this special time in our lives. You are so good! In your precious name, Amen." 

There's nothing my God can not do...

On Friday I was reminded of a song from my old sunday school days..."My God is so Big, so Strong and so Mighty, there's nothing my God can not do!"

Friday was the end all, hightened day of emotions. On that day, February 5, 2010 our lives changed by the mighty hand of God.

The God who put the stars in the sky, who knows every hair on our head, who speaks and it is...Well God spoke. He moved.


He had this planned all along and we were just waiting for his perfect timing and plan.


For about a year we have been waiting for something more. For the desires of our hearts.


My husband is a good man. He loves the Lord. He is a man of integrity and a hard worker. He has walked in favor in his career from the begining. God has always taken care of us through his career.


When he moved into a manager position, we sat on a friends couch and prayed that God would open doors for a job in our community.


And God moved. He moved the current manager to a better job and moved my husband to a promotion and job only 5 minutes from home. With a new baby at home, it was a precious few years.


And He has continued to promote him...but the last year we were stuck. Promotion meant moving.


Moving from a home we loved. Moving from the love of family. Moving from the support and dear friendships of an amazing church family.


We didn't want that. We didn't want to more our family and a new baby. We didn't want to move away from our family and our church.


But, "Lord if you want us to go because you have something better, we'll go."

2 Positions were offered. God said don't go, so we waited.


I was relieved. But it left my husband tired, discouraged, discontent and frustrated.


By the end of the year his position changed. Because of mergers and economic pressures, he was given a "promotion" with more work, more traveling and no incentives.


It was bleak. He was struggling.


But God moved.


He came through with an opportunity that we had been praying and hoping for.


An opportunity that was on a completely different road. Unlike anything he has ever done.


But it's good.


It's full of promise and potential.

It keeps us home. Our desire is to not move around chasing more or what seems better. We want a stable home where our kids can grow up and have the same friends, family close by to help and love them and a church family to do the same.

God always comes through. And I am always blown away and in awe. But I will never forget. He does hear our cries. He does listend and he holds us when everything looks bleak. And he says, "Wait for it Beloved, I have so much in store for you."

He knows every detail. He knows our fears and desires. And all we have to do is wait. It't hard and it hurts sometimes. I like a plan. I like knowing. But when all I know is that he began a good work and is FAITHFUL to complete it...that's enough of a plan for me.

What are you waiting for? Don't worry. He is working on it...and it is going to be so much better that what you could have ever planned!

"Father, thank you so much for this past year. It was difficult and tiring and hard. To see my man struggle and worry was heartbreaking. But you, dear Lord, you were working just you promised. What you had was better than we ever thought possible. The world may think it's crazy, but it is so good. It's perfect. Thank you for always taking care of us and forgive us when we forget who you are and what you are capable of. In your precious name, Amen."

What's in a Scripture?

It's been a long time...but I have missed blogging. Life jut got busy.

Crazy busy.

With two kids, holidays and mostly with my new business venture www.bellaboodesigns.shutterfly.com.

Nonetheless this being the first of February I have a new month resolution! Not really, I just am committing to blog again because I love it, I miss it and I need it! I have decided to committ to posting at least twice a week and enjoy it, rather than make it a chore. So, there you are!

And so, for my first post of the year....

I have been convicted of late to add some different, more meaningful decor to my home. Decor that doesn't just say:

"Welcome, we are people who love earth tones, bright colors and crosses."

That's what we have in our home right now. Our walls are bright earth tone colors...red, yellow with lots of green and brown accents. And we have crosses. Various sizes, about 5 in the main areas of the house.

But that's it. And I as I said, I have been convicted.

Crosses are great. But I think I need more than a cross to say who we are. I need more than a cross to remind me of who I am. I need more than a cross to teach my children who we are.

So...I am on the look out for scriptures to cover our walls.

Scriptures that will remind us of how great our God is, what He does for us and who we are in Him. My hope is that my children will be reminded of these verses when they need to be because they saw them every day. That they will be stirred by the one in their room when they wake each morning. That they will know who God is and who they are in Him when they read them. That they will be reminded of home when they come across them in thier daily lives.

This is what I have so far.

Living room, above our TV - "Be still and know I am God." Ps. 46:10 - This is where we do most of our living and what better place to be reminded of who He is than the place where life happens most.

Master Bedroom - "Come, let us take our fill of Love until the Morning." Prov. 7:17-18. ...I don't think I have to explain that one...

Kitchen - "Whoever is of merry heart has a continual feast." Prov. 15:15...Where we eat and unload our day to each other. Perfect, I think!

Crazy Boy's room: "And the boy continued to grow in stature and in favor with the LORD and with men." 1 Samuel 2:26 - This is the scripture I have prayed over him since we chose his name. What greater blessing to have than favor!

And finally, Baby girl...Now this is where I am stumped! I have prayed so many prayers over her but I can't seem to find "the one." The one that fits her spirit, who I want her to be or that will direct her.

So, my goal for the week is to find that special verse for my sweet girl.

And to find a way to make these/purchase these on a budget!

So, does your home reflect the truths you believe? I challenge you to think of ways to really bless your home and all who enter it!

I'll let you know what else I come up with and what I make later!

Need a Reminder.

I am a believer. One who seeks and follows Christ daily.
Well, almost daily.

But you see, despite the fact that I have loved my Lord almost my entire life I still, sometimes, have trouble with certain issues.

Sometimes I tend to doubt. I tend to not trust "with all my heart."

And you know what the worst thing about that is...I can tell you stories of time and time again when the Lord came through.

I mean...HE CAME THROUGH! Flying colors and all. Almost showing off.

Shock. Wow. HOW??

Yet, he always comes through.

Now it's not always in my timing, but usually better.

But I am one of those who forgets all those times he has come through. Or, maybe I just need to constantly remind myself. Because as soon as things are starting to look a little dim, I worry adn fret and doubt.

But I shouldn't because, My God has done so much.

My God gave me the best job out of college, 20 minutes from our home that was being built, 3 weeks before school started. I applied to almost every district in the city and he managed to work it all out.

My God provided my husband with a management job months before our first baby and get this...literally 5 minutes away from home. That first year or so he was able to come home for lunch, go to doctor appointments, etc.

My God gave me two beautiful, healthy children. I asked for one to be like his dad...and boy is he! And the other, despite a difficult pregnancy, fear and uncertainty, he gave me a beautiful, sweet baby girl with bright blue eyes and a precious smile who is a momma's girl.

Yesterday, I started doubting...I was having a hard time trusting. I was praying and asking for an answer.

You know, a bright light shining upon me, a voice from above...anything clear like that!

Nothing.

So, I openedd my bible and flipped around. I ended up in Ephesians. At a verse that we use so often we almost get desensitised to its power and greatness. And, well I needed to be reminded.

"I pray that you may have power, toghether with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasureabky more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him he the glory..."

Ephesians 3:18-20

More than I can ask or imagine...

"Father, I am believing that you are gonna leave us with our mouths wide open in awe. I am beliving that you have a great plan, you have all the details worked out and we are just waiting on your perfect timing. Help me remember to trust you. To wait on you. And strengthen me each day. And, father, no matter what the answer, I know that you are good and your love endures forever. In your precious name, Amen."

Mother of 4...don't think so!

You know that convesation you have with your beloved...the conversation that starts..."So...we done yet?" Are we done having kids, that is.



Well, that conversation has been brought up here and there the last few.



After baby girl was born lots of people asked, "So when are you gonna have another one?" Or, "are you ready for a third?"



Are you FREAKIN' kidding me! Seriously...asking a mother of a newborn those questions is just not that bright.



I mean...can we get a few hours of uniterrupted sleep first before we jump on that wagon. Or I don't know...let's see what life is like when toddler and baby are both mobile! Yeah...let's cross that realm first!



Nonetheless, God in his great wisdom and grace made that newborn phase shortlived. As I have said before here, baby girl is in that very easy to manage stage. She sits pretty, isn't mobile (and I am secretly hoping she won't be for a while) and is all smiles and pretty predictable. She cries when she is hungry, dirty or bored. Piece of cake.



So you see how God tricks ya...I mean here you are thinking, "I got this!" HA! How we easily forget!



And then before you know it you find yourself thinking, "should we have anotherbaby?"



Husband says no. He is pretty sure he is done. He is happy with two. His reason being that with only two no one ever has to ride alone on a rollercoaster.



Yeah, brilliant, I know.



I really don't know. Still on the fence. All I know is that I don't want to regret anything.



This week my neice and nephew are staying with us as their parents travel to get thier adopted #3, Ava Berhenesh, from Ethiopia.



So I am getting a taste of what more kids would be like. And let's just say...I'm tired.

"Precious Lord, thank you for my beautiful kids and for my neice and nephew who are sweet and so good with my kids and so much help. Lord, I don't know if I want anymore kids. What do you think? Is our family complete? Lord help me know your will and be without doubts. Thank you that you always take care of every detail and know the plans you have for us all. In your precious name, Amen."

The Wonderful and Woeful of mommyhood...

I know, I know...it's been two months...I'm sorry but life is...life. Busy, crazy...which by the way, it is harder to have a life of ones own when you have two other little lives to care after. I mean, with crazy kid we were at the point where we had a good schedule, I could get stuff done, play with him, teach him stuff, feed him and then even have a few hours to myself for whatever I needed to do.

Now, I feel as if I don't sit down.

In fact, today I didn't eat lunch until 2:30. And the need to pee came around 4 this afternoon and I still haven't made it to the potty yet. Thank goodness for a bladder of steel and that after two babies!


But seriously, I am constantly on the go. Cleaning, laundry, feeding, putting to bed, etc. The glorious thing is that I have two amazing kids. Crazy boy is obedient, when he wants to be, and baby girl is a piece of cake, except when she isn't. So...maybe I am the one with the problem, but either way, that is the season we are in now.

So what has been going on...lots.

This past week I experienced one of the joys of mommyhood. One of those wonderful, beautiful, never ever forget things happened.

Baby girl said her first word. And not just any word.

"Mama!"

And she said it like she has been saying it all along. It just trickles out of her mouth. "Mama mama ma" all gurgly like and sweet.

It was the greatest thing ever.

And it's even better when she rolls over in her bed after she wakes up from a nap and I can see her in her baby monitor and she just starts saying, "mama mama..." Pure joy!


And can I say, I deserve it! I mean...she is a momma's girl, for now anyways. We are so comfortable together. She is happy when in my arms, she can sleep cuddled close to me no matter where we are...we are two peas.

But I was afraid of those first words. I mean, crazy kid and I were cool together too. I thought he was a momma boy, but the day of truth came when he uttered, "dada" before momma.

What kind of justice is that.

I mean, I am the one who bathes, cleans, feeds, burps, changes, over and over and over again.

And what do they do...call out for "dada."

But not my girl! She understands the connection...the sacrifice.

Of course...I have had to become a mean mommy to my girl recently. Despite the beautiful words.

Happy day! Baby girl got her first tooth back in May. Then the second tooth came out a few weeks after. Pretty fast! And then...it happened.


Brace yourself...I got bit.


And I'm not talking a little nibble. I'm talking full on, gnawing!

Ok, go ahead and take a minute to do that full body shiver...

Yeah.

Let me tell you...now we know why we say the phrase, "It hurt like a mother..." because only mothers feel pain like this.

And only mothers will continue to put themselves in harms way for the sake of their children. Time and time again...childbirth, breastfeeding, etc.



Back to the bite. So...there I was feeding my precious child. Looking into her beautiful blue eyes. The oxcytocin is flowing or whatever that chemical is that flows and makes you happy and connected...when all of a sudden...two sharp, never been used, finely chiseld teeth clamp down.

Screaming occurs.

And get this...she laughs. Laughs!


So what did I do...I flicked her sweet, perfect little cheeck and said, "No, we don't bite!" As if the child has any idea what I am talking about. She then starts to scream. Daddy comes in and rescues her.

I am bleeding.

I tend to my wound and with great sacrifice and courage I take her back in my arms.


I begin to feed her again from the other side, of course.

Let me tell you, for 4 days, I felt like I was going to pass out everytime I fed her. 4 DAYS!

She hadn't bit since. I thought maybe she had learned her lesson.


Last week...she got top teeth. Teeth created for biting. For cutting into apples and meat.

Yesterday...I was bit 3 times!

I yelled, flicked her, she cried...


But that last time, I'm not kidding, she seriously looked at me with a knowing look and softly bit down as if she was asking..."are you flipping out when I do this?" Well, she hasn't bit me since.

So...everytime I feed her I am watching her and praying for numbness...just in case.



"Father I love being a mommy. I love this stage of infancy. When they are babbling and vying for your attention. Thank you for making me a mommy. Thank you for the joy that this baby girl is. Thank you that she said "momma" first. I know it is dumb, but I find such reassurance that she knows my name and calls for me. Lord there is nothing greater than to be called momma. Help me to treasure all of these moments...even if they hurt! In your precious name, Amen. "

Back in the day...

My husband was sick with what began with allergies and ended with fever. I insisted that he stay in bed most of the day, which we all know is rather difficult because when you have a three year old who LOVES his daddy, all he wants to do is play with him. So, we were glad Daddy stayed home from work today, we got a little extra time with him, his fever didn't return and he got the rest he needed.



As I was lying in bed last night after feeding baby girl her last feed of the day I realized how tired I was. And I looked over at my husband who wasn't feeling much better and said, "I'm so jealous of you right now."

"What?" he replied.
"I wish I could lie in bed all day and watch TV and do little else."
"Yeah, that's all good except that I am sick."
"Yeah, AND on top of it all, you get to take nyquil to help you sleep at night...SOOO jealous."
"Your crazy."

And then I got to thinking...when was the last time I was able to stay in bed for hours at a time with no responsibilities, no worries, nowhere to go, etc?

College.

I clearly remember saturdays like that.

I remember many occasions of staying in my pj's all day, sleeping till noon, then maybe grabbing a book and staying in bed until someone came by or called and was like, "Hey, lets go to common grounds (the local coffee house)." And then we would go get a yummy Iced white chocolate mocha with whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles and then head back and watch a movie or hang out.

Yup. That's the last time I did anything like that.

So...I'm thinking that for mother's day that's what I want...a day of doing NOTHING. NADA!

A day I can sleep as long as I want without having to make, do, clean, pick up, put away or worry about anything. And when I do wake up I can pick up a good book and read with no interruptions, no "mommy can you," or "baby will you," or "WAAA...feed me!" and drink coffee in one long sitting without having to put it in the microwave because I forgot about it because I had to make, do, clean, pick up, put away or worry about whatever.

Yeah...I know this isn't gonna happen but maybe if I'm lucky I can get an hour of this. The funny thing is...this all may sound real good...but I kinda like being needed. Being mommy. Oh well...

"Father, thank you for making me a mommy. It is the hardest, sweetest, most rewarding blessing ever. I know there are days when I am tired. There are days when I feel like my head is spinning and there are moments when I do want to lie in bed all day and not be "mom" but...I know this season of being mommy is fleeting. Before I know it my kids won't need me for everything...they will be able to bathe and clothe and feed themselves. Remind me that this won't be forever, but...let me always be needed. In your precious name, Amen."

"Once upon a time there was this young mother who almost had a nervous breakdown! She was tired, sick, had a huge tension headache which was not in anyway relieved by the high pitched screams of her 3 week old daughter. And of course, at the moment when she was worn thin, her two and a half year old son desperately needed her attention. She was in great despair and overwhelmed with frustration, guilt and defeat."



That was last Thursday.

The day had started off just ok. Despite all the hand sanitizing, Emma still managed to catch the nasty cold that is going around. Poor baby was super congested and no matter how much I sucked out of her little bitty nose, the mucus was overflowing!

The night had been better than the previous and I was fooled into thinking she was getting better. By mid afternoon, I started to feel the congestion hit.

I picked up Sammy from school and put in a movie for him while I fed Emma.

She had a hard time feeding, she started to scream...it was all downhill from there.

From about 2:30 to almost 5 she did not stop crying. Her feeding was all crazified because she would drink a bit and then scream, drink a bit and scream...etc.

I was at my wits end. I had no idea what to do. I kept sucking stuff out and she screamed louder. She was being overdosed with Saline and gripe water.

Then, of course, I was needed by my precious boy. He had left us alone for the most part for the first hour and in he comes..."Momma I want you to watch TV wit me. Pwease mommy?"

And the guilt poured down.

He kept saying, "Pwease mommy, come watch it wit me."

I tried to explain that baby was sick, but he kept saying, "but I want you."

So I lied and said I would be there in one minute.

Tears began to pour down my eyes. I was overwhelmed. I was feeling very sick , my head and body were aching and my precious baby girl would not stop screaming.

I had failed. I wasn't a great mommy. I had put my kid in front of the tv and left him there. I couldn't pacify my baby. I couldn't meet any one's needs. The feeling of confidence that I had days before when I thought, "Hey, I can do two kids. This ain't so bad..." those thought mocked me.

And finally, because I am still learning to give control to God and go to him first instead of fixing it all on my own, I began to pray.

You know the one..."Lord I can't do this, I'm desperate. HELP!!!"

My pathetic plea. And I have to ask myself...when will I ever learn. And as always, My God comes through.

I began to pray. And I desperately said, "Lord, I need help. I need encouragement. I'm being pulled and I can't handle this Lord. I need to know that someone loves me and is praying for me right now."

I'm not kidding you...a moment later my phone rings.

It's my dad.

In my life, my dad is my encourager,my support and mostly my reminder. Whenever things aren't going well or I am starting to doubt, he reminds me...to be strong in the Lord and the power of his might... To wait upon the Lord... That Joy comes in the morning... That he will give me the desires of my heart... That He will supply all my needs... To trust in the Lord with all my heart...

I pick up the phone and immediately start to blubber. I can't do this, I'm so tired, I am failing miserably, etc."

And he says, "Let me see what I can do, stop crying, be strong in the Lord and in the power of his might and I will call you back."

He calls back and says, ok, your mom is going to go over and spend the night so you can rest and feel better.

The baby finally fell asleep. I sat on the couch and watched the movie with my son and my mother came over and I slept all night.

God came through...he heard me, like he always does.

I have the best dad's in the world!

"Father, how many times have I been through this. How many times do I lose hope and strength. So many times I feel like I am failing and that I can't do this and then I am reminded that I can with you alone. You are my strength. I can do all things through You who gives me strength. Father, thank you for showing me how much you love me through the parents you have given me. Thank you for their wisdom and love for you. Please continue to give me strength. In your precious name, Amen."

A New Year...

Ok so...we have been up and down this week with various victories and defeats occurring in our household.

But...at the end of the day I have made a very conscious decision. A state of mind that I may at times have difficulty sticking with. Nonetheless...I'm going to do my best to stick.

Many of my readers, family and friends know that 2008 was not a good year. I would even go so far as to make a bumper sticker that says, "I HATE 2008," were it not for the precious baby girl that arrived as the most wonderful Christmas gift.

2008 began badly which included a very not so great family vacation, an ear infection and a very bad cold.

It continued on with more familial issues which led to a downfall for me. Anxiety, fear, overwhelming lack of self esteem, anger and resentment and no control over anything.

I fasted and prayed. Got a little better and then got pregnant. Not necessarily planned but I was learning that I couldn't plan everything. I was a bit nervous but excited.

And then came the nausea. I was overwhelmed with guilt that I wasn't paying attention to my son and was a bad wife because I could not do the things that I pride myself on like keeping the house clean or cooking dinner.

I started feeling better...life began to get back to some normalcy. My husband and I had a great get away. And a few weeks later, my husbands beloved grandfather passes. We grieved and mourned.

One month later Ike hit our home and down poured into my son's room.

3 days later, completely unexpectedly and with no warning, my precious grandmother passes. I still can't believe it. Even as I write these words my heart hurts. There are moments where I can't comprehend or...I don't know.

Life was in many ways unbearable. I was living in fear of "what is going to happen next." Nothing was controllable. I couldn't plan for my baby's arrival because the house was disheveled.

Of course, everything got done...almost at the last moment, but it was completed.

So now you see why 2008 was not a fun year.

But just as God promised, he gave me my reward. A precious gift all dimply and sweet. And perfect.

Everything has been perfect. She came at a perfect time, where both daddy and brother were able to bond and get to know baby girl and help me so much as I recovered. Delivery was easy. Recovery was easy. Perfect.

And despite the perfect I have found myself complaining. I am sure they are normal, "I have a newborn" complaints. But honestly, I am getting rather sick of them.

And I finally realized that yes, life is tiring right now, but God...I am so blessed. My baby is healthy and good and beautiful. I can tell she is going to be a sweetheart already. And my son...he is just amazing. He adores her and loves on her and I know he will protect her even when she doesn't want to be protected. And my husband...he loves us so much. He is my helper.

So...I'm done complaining. This year is a new year. And it has begun with such perfection and so many blessing that I am believing that it will completely blot out the last. All I will remember are the good not the hurt.

This year I will rejoice in the Lord always...

"Father thank you for a new day. Thank you that you have blessed me above and beyond. Thank you for the lessons you have taught me so that I will be able to teach them to my children. You are so good. Help me to never forget...In your precious name. Amen."

Good to be Home

We have been out of town the last week, just the hubby and I. We had an absolutely marvelous time, perfect, beautiful Florida sunshine, good flights, yummy food.

It was relaxing, revitalizing and refreshing. All that I needed.

Little one stayed with his grandparents and had a wonderful time away from us. He had his own sort of vacation...swimming everyday, fishing, golfing and receiving new toys. In many ways, I am sure his vacation was probably better than ours.

All in all...it's good to be home.

Though I treasured every moment with my husband and could probably stayed a few more days lying on the white sand beaches, it was nice to come home.

And mostly, I missed by son. I really did. The first few days were great, but by the end of the trip I was ready to see his precious little smile and hear his quirky sayings. In fact, I was so excited to see him on Sunday...almost giddy. And when I did, my heart just melted all over.

Since we've been home, I am reminded of how cute and funny he is and just how absolutely precious he is. Because, let me just say that he is the cutest child in the world...and I'm not the only who thinks this...his father and grandparents are in agreement. I'm sorry for the rest of you out there who may have the same feelings about your children but...Ok, so I am a bit biased but oh well!

I have learned one thing in these past few days...you can travel the world (or atleast to the east coast) and be rejuvinated and tanned, but there is nothing more refreshing or enjoyable than to hear your toddler's little voice say, "I wove you."

Now I must go and unpack our stuff!

"Father, thank you so much for a wonderful time with my husband. You were in every aspect of our vacation and it was so needed. You made it perfect and took care of every detail. Thank you for your protection and for bringing our family back together. "I wove you" Lord. In your precious name, Amen."

The funny things he says...

The other day I talked about how my crazy kid was talking a bunch, non stop, all the time, whether I understand him or not.

It's funny because though most times I completely know what he is saying there are the times when he says something and waits for a response and then looks at me as if to say, "Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?"

Either way we have entered into a very precious time. The time where"kids say the darndest things." I'm loving it. Every night my husband and I relay to each other the things he says and does and its just very sweet.

He is consistently putting a smile on my face by the things he says.

For example, yesterday I had to get to church early for Praise and Worship practice. His father was making him breakfast and I was in my room doing my hair.

I had been in my closet for about 15 minutes just starring at the display of clothes that all do not fit.

I was a little sad and very frustrated. So I proceeded to put on the same denim skirt that I had worn three times last week and a black top.

Earrings were in my lobes, necklace, rings and bracelets were all on. And of course, pretty shoes.

I looked in the mirror and thought, "this is as good as it's gonna get."

I walked out of the room and kissed my husband when beautiful kid walks in the kitchen and says, "Wow mama, you pretty." But the best part was what he said next.

Now, please be aware that I have no idea where or how or why he said this or where he picked this up. I really don't know.

So after, "Wow mama, you pretty," he asks, "You go dancing?"

Dancing? I wish! Why dancing? I don't know. I mean, yes my husband and I dance in the kitchen often, but usually I am in a t-shirt and shorts.

I don't know how his little mind thinks, but I was sure greatful for it.

I think maybe I will wear that denim skirt a few more times.

Confession

I have had very few quite times lately.

In fact, to be honest, the last time I had a quiet time was ummm...three weeks ago.

Pretty bad.

Let me list my excuses, because I have a few and it will make me feel better...

1. I'm tired.
2. I'm exhausted.
3. I'm growing a person.
4. My crazy kid is waking up around 6 everyday.
5. I'm nauseous.
6. I have very little energy. Like super little. Pint size. Munchkin little. (you get the picture).

Ok, yeah so those excuses pretty much stink but...I'm so tired!

The thing about it is that not only do I feel bad about it, but I know that my lack of reading and praying result my lack of patience and strength and of course my being open to mind attacks that say, "you're a bad mom," "you are neglecting your family," "how are you gonna deal with two if you can barely handle the one."

And though I fight those thoughts out, my heart hurts.

There's a twinge. Guilt. Sadness.

I hate that.

And what's worse, despite the fact that I have had very little communication with God other than, "God I'm tired," "God give me energy," "God make the nausea go away, PUHLEASE!!!" He is still so full of grace and mercy.

Crazy kid is two. He is strong willed and many times defiant. He is a charmer and hilarious at the same time. He throws fits, he likes having his way, he wants what he wants and he wants it NOW!

Since being pregnant, he has for the most part, held off on the tantrums. He really has been an angel. He has been so good and sweet and patient.

He has become all that I lack right now. Oh my.

He rarely complains about playing by himself. He doesn't mind me laying on the couch for a few hours as he watches TV. He hugs and kisses and even prays for me - "Jejus, help mommy's tummy. It hurts. Amen."

God why are you so good to me? It's not fair. I don't deserve that kind of love.

I'll be in my second trimester in about two weeks...

"Lord I'm hoping for a boost of energy at that time. I'm hoping for revitalization and strength. I'm asking lord for these next few months to be blessed and filled with fun and laughter. Thank you for your mercy and grace and for the precious child you have blessed me with and the other one you are working on. I trust that through all this not only are you teaching me, but you are teaching him and molding him to be a great big brother. You are so good to me."

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Joshua Box - Part II

I am writing about our Joshua Box in honor of this memorial day. A box with items that remind us of where God has brought us, protected us and overwhelmed us wiht mercy, love and grace.

Items - Tags from a mattress and a business card.

One Sunday at Church my husband, being the outgoing and never embarrassed person that he is, was asked to be a part of the illustration in the sermon. Of course he was all for it.

The illustration had to do with how no matter what you do to a hundred dollars, whether you stomp on it or crumble it up, the value will still be a hundred dollars. I can't remember the point exactly, but I do remember my husband on stage jumping up and down on this hundred dollars.

And at the end of the illustration our pastor gave him the money!

That was all fun and great and we were very excited about the extra money! Who wouldn't be.

At the time I was about 8 months pregnant with crazy kid. I had all of my showers where we were so blessed to recieve so much of what we needed and registered for.

The week before we had just purchased the crib and a few of the other necessities that we had not recieved.

When my husband got off the stage I whispered in his ear and said, "Woohoo, this will cover the mattress!"

On our way out of church that day, lots of people came up to us and congratulated him on the money. And as we walked out of the doors, a couple who we had never met before told my husband he did a great job and then asked us what we planned to do with the money. We immediately responded by saying we were going to go to babies r' us and buy that mattress.

The lovely wife said, "Oh don't do that. We have a mattress you can have. We bought one for our granddaughter when she comes to visit, but she actually sleeps with us so why don't you have it."

We were blown away. We had never met these people. They were insistent. The mattress was perfect. A lot better than the one we were planning to buy. And crazy kid has slept on it like a champ ever since.

And as for the business card...

During that time where I was 8 months pregnant, my husband was looking to move into a manager position. There was one opening up about 30 minutes away from us in a new location and we thought that would be great. We weren't sure when that position would open but it was the only one available at the time. We told our small group what we wanted and we prayed that God would open the doors and put him in the right place. However, our small group leader added a simple request that night. He prayed that God would place him where he needed to be and if at all possible, he would place him in the location that was 8 minutes away from our home. That God would give the manager at that location a better job and move him so hubs could be there.

We thought, "That would be nice." But, the reality was that this manager lived a few blocks away, he loved the area and it would be a miracle if he left.

God works miracles.

About a month later, the manager calls my husband and says, "Hey I just took a position in town with another company making more money. My wife and I just purchased a loft that we have been wanting. I wanted to let you know so you can post for my location."

A few weeks after crazy kid was born, he became the manager of the location that was literally 8 minutes away from our home.

We were amazed. Wow God. How much you love and care for us that you bless others in order to bless us. And they have no idea!

To God be the Glory!

Joshua Box

Every Memorial Sunday our church celebrates what we call "Joshua Box" Sunday. The majority of our congregation has in their home a Joshua box, which is basically any kind of box, be it decorative or a fancy shoe box and inside this box holds memorable items of the things the Lord has done in our lives and in our family's lives.

This is taken from the book of Joshua, before right before they cross the Jordan River and are about to enter into the promise land through the fallen walls of Jericho.

“Cross over before the ark of the Lord your God into the midst of the Jordan, and each one of you take up a stone on his shoulder, according to the number of the tribes of the children of Israel, that this may be a sign among you when your children ask in time to come, saying, ‘What do these stones mean to you?’ Then you shall answer them that the waters of the Jordan were cut off before the ark of the covenant of the Lord; when it crossed over the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off. And these stones shall be for a memorial to the children of Israel forever.” Joshua 4

Our Joshua box sits in our living room and inside it has a few memorable items that show God's grace, love, mercy and protection.

Inside we have a few pictures of our house being built, my ID from when I taught High School and my husband's liscensing certificates.

We keep these items together because they all sort of occurred around the same time.

We were to be married in August of '03.

We knew that we did not want to move into an apartment and my husband, the frugal and wise financial person that he is had been saving money for a home for some years. We were driving around all over town looking for a home to purchase or build. For some crazy reason we ended up a little farther than we had anticipated, but nonetheless, a neighborhood had just gone up and the prices were low, the homes were perfect for first time buyers and we prayed, sought counsel and went on to purchase the house. By the way, we bought when the interest rates just happened to be at their lowest ever.

It was a leap of faith because I did not have a job yet, I was in the process of finding a teaching position. I had a few interviews but nothing had come out of them.

The house was going to be finished the week before we married.
It was late July and I still did not have a job. I had applied to every school district in the area. Nothing.

Then out of the blue, on the 29th of July, about 2 weeks before school starts, I get a call for a teaching position at a school I had never heard of. I interview and the next day they offer me the job. I learned that out of almost 1000 applicants, they offered a 22 year old, fresh out of college this position.

The funny part of it is that I don't even remember applying. Like I said, I applied to every district, some an hour's drive away, literally. And this school was about 25 minutes from our new home.

The house was built. We were getting married on Saturday, we signed on Thursday, moved in Thursday night. We spent our first night as husband and wife in our new home.

A few months later, my husband was given the oppurtunity to get his liscences and moved positions and locations to a location about 15 minutes away from our new home. He had currently been in the area we thought we would live in.

2 years later we got our of our comfort zone and began scoping out churches in the area. We found the greatest church in the world, fell in love with the people and have formed the most wonderful relationships. Our church is 5 minutes away from our house.

We never thought we would wind up so far from where we were first looking for homes, but God positioned us here. He knew so much more than we did. He blessed us so much more than we ever would have imagined.

In the next few days as we begin our memorial day weekend, I will be sharing with you more contents from our box and what God has done for my family. And, I would encourage you to begin one in your family so that one day your children may look into the box and ask what is this for and you can share with them the goodness of God.

Speechless

Arms, legs, fingers and toes.
A good heartbeat, a brain, lungs and most other major organs.
Eyes are forming, working on eyelids.

All this in the size of a grain of rice.

Incredible.

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Love with Action

I'm making dinner for a friend who's on bed rest today. I'll be the first to say I'm not the greatest cook...I can follow a recipe, for instance if it says 1 tbsp, I get the measuring spoon, put whatever in it and scrape the top just to be sure. I don't "eyeball" anything! I don't necessarily like cooking, it stresses me out a bit, but I do enjoy cooking for friends.

Sunday's "Beautiful Truth" was from 1st John. In the passage John writes, "Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue, but with actions and in truth."

We can all understand the difference between words and actions. Your spouse can tell you he loves you everyday, which is both wonderful and necessary, but when he comes home with flowers "just because" or when she rubs you back without you asking, that actions speaks volumes of love.

That actions says I was thinking about you. I want you to know I love you. I know how hard you work and I appreciate you.

It is so important to show love in this way to our spouses and to our children. But, is is also important to show that same love to our neighbors, friends, co-workers, etc. To show love that is compassionate and encouraging.

In all honesty, only in the last few years have I become one who loves like Christ.

For so long believers have been welcoming unbelievers or "sinners" on Sundays, but during the week our doors were closed. We led our lives and they led theirs.

We are great at hosting bible studies at our homes and times of fellowship for believers, people who were like us, but when unbelievers knock we step back.

We don't want to be tempted or tainted or even troubled.

"I'll embrace believers, but you sinners need Jesus!"

How foolish. How fake.

But...I believe believers are beginning to change their views. The old way wasn't working. The church has been stagnant for far too long. Believers are seeing that instead of shutting out, we must do all we can to bring others in.

How? With love like Christs'.

Love that is compassionate, not judgemental.
Love that is encouraging, not telling.
Love that is forgiving, not proud.

In the past few years I have learned what real, brotherly love looks like. I know what real love actions are now.

When we had our son, we had been attending our church for only about 4 months. In those four months we began attending a small group and became as involved as we could be with a baby on the way. We had just become members and really only knew a handful of people. When we had little one our small group, which at the time was about 7 people said they would provide us dinner.

Great! We thought "that will be nice. We'll get a few casseroles. Perfect."

We didn't get any casseroles!

Amazing. Awestruck. Blessed.

Not only did our small group bring us food, but people who we had never met brought us meals for two weeks.

Meals...as in homemade BBQ chicken with biscuits, corn and potatoes. Salas with bottles of dressing. Appetizers, full desserts every night, even muffins for breakfast!

We did not go hungry!

Overflowing - That is Love.

There was a need and it was met. No concern for their own lives. No need to know who we were. I'm still blessed to this day by the love. Because the truth is, I wasn't like that. Before, if anyone had blessed me like that, I probably would have thought, "what are they after?" Or pride would get in the way of the blessing with thoughts of, "I can take care of myself."

I could tell you stories of how loved we felt those first few months. Not only was God taking care of us, but He was taking care of us through people we barely knew and who now we have the privilege of calling friends, actually, brothers and sisters.

When my husbands grandmother broke her hip, we called our friends to let them know and ask for prayer and they immediately responded with, "What can we do?"

We were foolish to say, "Just pray," because their response was, "NO. We are already doing that, what can we specifically do for your family."

Christ didn't pray, he moved. That's love.

I can go on and on. But overall, now when someone needs something I say,"What can I do," and I mean it. I don't "just pray."

I've learned to take action. Love with action, not just words.

If you see a neighbor with a newborn, take a meal.
If a co-worker is sick - take them ice cream or a good movie.
If a family member is struggling, take them to dinner or to get pedicures.

How much more of a ministry are you going to have with your neighbors, family and friends if you love first and then invite them to church.

This is what the world is hungry and searching for.

LOVE with ACTIONS.

Embrace the world, the sinners, the believers, everyone in love.

I encourage you to love as Christ loves. Find a body of believers who love like Christ, or better yet, become a body of believers who love like Christ.

Become one who sees a need and meets it.

Jesus did it.