Mission

Mexico, 1998.

When I was almost seventeen my life changed.

Perspective changed. Reasoning changed. My world view changed.

It was one of the best and most memorable weeks of my life.
I would love to do it again.
I would do it again.

My church youth group took a mission trip to Mexico. We went over to Mission, Texas, a city directly on the US/Mexican border. We spent our nights in Texas and our days in Mexico.

I remember those days as if they were yesterday because they are so engraved in my heart.

Our mornings started early, 5 something if I remember correctly. We would meet for breakfast, morning devotionals and then we would split up into groups depending on what you were designated to. There were about 8 other churches staying at our host church as well.

This particular week was dedicated to VBS, where the various churches that we were serving across the Mexican border were hosting VBS for the neighborhood kids.

Since I spoke fluent Spanish, I was in charge of the arts and crafts section; And I was good at it. I always loved kids and at the time, I didn't know I was a born teacher, but I was.

Our church was given the poorest neighborhood.

Dirt roads. Tinfoil for walls and roofs. No AC in 113 degree weather in the shade. Outhouses for bathrooms.

I had seen poverty before when visiting Guatemala where my parents are from, but I had never walked into poverty.

My heart broke. For everyday I looked into the faces of children who had nothing. Had only dreamed of the things we had. I realized how selfish, vain and greedy I was. For just the week before I complained of the silly white keds I bought to wear.

They were in awe of our water bottles. WATER BOTTLES. Everyday we would spend $1.00 on our water bottles with the squirt top. It was the squirt top that was so intriguing to them.

I still can't get over that. Each day we gave them our bottles and like nothing purchased another the next. We all decided to collect every bottle water we could find, including the ones from other churches on the trip. On our last day, we gave them two black garbage bags full of empty water bottles with squirt tops. They were ecstatic. Gleaming, sunburned faces grinning from ear to ear. They stood in line at the measly outdoor faucets and filled their bottle and squirted each other as if they were the best water guns ever.

God was so amazing that week.

Because I spoke Spanish I was able to do so much more. I prayed for people and led people to Christ. It was incredible.

The most amazing thing was the fact that while in Mexico, everyday, I never had to pee. OK. I know what you are thinking..."that was the most amazing thing?"...but let me explain...

My boyfriend (now husband) was very concerned about my water drinking habits. I have a tendency to get very light headed and dehydrated rather quickly and so he found it his duty to be my water boy. He made me drink water constantly. And since he was taking care of me and was cute, I grudgingly would oblige.

The church we ministered at each day was very poor. The only bathroom was one that was outside in an outhouse with a light bulb on a string. We had to bring our own toilet paper from Texas. There were roaches and spiders in the outhouse. And there was no toilet, but a hole. A hole.

I, being 17, still somewhat vain and a big scaredy cat was very worried about this bathroom scenario. And everyday I prayed, along with prayers for the children, church and people, that I would not have to use that bathroom.

God cares even for our silly little vanities. Despite the amount of water I was drinking, which was, if I remember, a cup an hour, never once did I have to use the bathroom. It was 113 degrees, no AC and I suppose I sweat it all out. When we arrived back to our host church at around midnight, I would run to the bathroom. But never in Mexico.

I think that's pretty cool!

Besides that, it was an incredible experience that made me appreciate and have a true heart for the poor.

I can still remember the faces of those precious kids. They were so sweet and so good. Girls of 8 and 7 taking care of their 2 year old brothers and sisters because parents had to work. Imagine an 8 year old holding a toddler in her lap, caring over every aspect of her sibling. Children who thought the simple little beaded bracelets that were made were their most treasured possessions, begging if they could make one for their mother. Precious children who were begging to keep just one marker or one crayon. Sweet kids that come in with old worn out clothing and no shoes, but they still play soccer despite the jagged rocks.

I don't know where any of them are now. Most of them in their early twenties. I hope God made an impact through us. Do they remember the way I do? Do they think back to that week? I hope so. And I hope it was good.


Our sweet little friend, Alejandro. On the first day he was attached to the two of us. He was about 6 and a precious boy.

"My Savior, thank you for reminding me how blessed I am. I ask that you help me not to forget that or take advantage of all that you have given me. You are too kind, my Father and too good. Jesus, help all the children tonight that are hungry and tired. Pour your peace onto this dying world, but most importantly, send someone to them that will bless them and show them the Hope that is in You. In your precious name, Amen."

For more sincerities, head over to We are That family, here.

Heart Exam

I want to talk a little about my heart.
And, I want to let you in as to where it has been lately.

I have talked about how early in the year I was in a very deep pit. I was depressed, lonely, sad, angry and bitter...plus some.

For many reasons, which at the end of the day matter little in the whole scheme of life, I was in a bad place. Maybe I was tugged into this pit some, but mostly, I think I allowed myself to go into it because I now see that my heart had been broken and abused.

I thought I had put my life in God's hands, but in reality, I had only placed some things in his hands. But other things I wanted or needed the control. I didn't want to give it up. And when stuff didn't go the way I planned, it hurt my heart. And without any thought or my being aware of what was going on, I allowed my heart to become broken, bitter, angry and hard.

I see that now. After months. Months of crying. Months of praying. Months of almost despair. Months of not even knowing what was wrong with me.

I had a heart condition. And only God could fix it. The catch - I had to let him fix it.

In the beginning, when the hurts began, when life got hard, instead of praying for myself or for those being affected, I shut down.

My head said, "forget this. I am going to protect me and my husband and my kid. Nothing else matters. No one else matters."

And I thought, that's not a bad thing. Of course, I am called to shield my child and husband as much as I can according to the wisdom and discernment I have been given by God. But to do this out of fear or anger or bitterness was sin.

The snare was set and I went for it, not knowing what I was getting myself into.

In that trap, I fell hard. Believe me that as soon as the thoughts left my mind, I was berated with loneliness, fear, doubt, resentment.

Who are we kidding? I can't protect my family alone. I couldn't even protect them from me. From the sad person that I became. The angry person that I became. The guilty person that I became.

Sin enveloped my mind.
My heart was polluted with evil.
It needed major repair.

But my God is so Good.
He cleanses and purifies.
My heart went through some fire, but came out so much more refined.

Proverbs says the heart is the well spring of life. Everything comes out of the heart. Life comes out of the heart. But when our hearts are filled with bitterness, anger, unforgiveness, resentment, envy, despair, fear, guilt...the list can go on, but when it is filled with those things, that is what comes through our lives.

We can fight it. We can put up walls. We can deny it.
Those are all easy to do. Those are easy outs. We need no courage. We need no strength.

By doing so, however, our life is no longer a well spring but it becomes a small stream. A trickle. Maybe even a drop.

When our hearts are bitter, our lives are not sweet.
When our hearts are angry, our lives are hard.
When our hearts are unforgiving, our lives are without mercy and grace.
When our hearts are resentful, our lives are lonely.
When our hearts are envious, our lives are lacking.
When our hearts are in despair, we are without hope.
When our hearts are fearful, we do not trust.
When our hearts are filled with guilt, our lives are full of sorrow.

My greatest desire is that I will guard my heart from such things. That theses sins will not enter in and devour my life again. No matter how I am hurt or what life has in store, I pray that I will continuously examine my heart. That God will continue to purge it of these ills.

And if your life is merely a stream or trickle, I pray that you will examine your heart. Ask your father to show you what is polluting your heart and that you will not just pray about it, but act. Fix it. Ask Him to purge it. Refine it. Ask for your well spring of life to be restored to overflowing.

"Father I come before you humbly as one who is constantly needing to be purged. To be refined. Jesus I ask that you continue to refine me until you see your reflection in me. Father show me what is plugging up my well spring. Show me what I must do to have a life that is full of glory, that is abundant and blessed. Open my eyes to the sins that are damaging my heart. And give me the courage to forgive, to love, to encourage, to trust. Thank you for loving me so much that you are continually refining my heart so that I will be a woman who not only looks like you, but has your wisdom, discernment, grace and love."

Joshua Box - Part II

I am writing about our Joshua Box in honor of this memorial day. A box with items that remind us of where God has brought us, protected us and overwhelmed us wiht mercy, love and grace.

Items - Tags from a mattress and a business card.

One Sunday at Church my husband, being the outgoing and never embarrassed person that he is, was asked to be a part of the illustration in the sermon. Of course he was all for it.

The illustration had to do with how no matter what you do to a hundred dollars, whether you stomp on it or crumble it up, the value will still be a hundred dollars. I can't remember the point exactly, but I do remember my husband on stage jumping up and down on this hundred dollars.

And at the end of the illustration our pastor gave him the money!

That was all fun and great and we were very excited about the extra money! Who wouldn't be.

At the time I was about 8 months pregnant with crazy kid. I had all of my showers where we were so blessed to recieve so much of what we needed and registered for.

The week before we had just purchased the crib and a few of the other necessities that we had not recieved.

When my husband got off the stage I whispered in his ear and said, "Woohoo, this will cover the mattress!"

On our way out of church that day, lots of people came up to us and congratulated him on the money. And as we walked out of the doors, a couple who we had never met before told my husband he did a great job and then asked us what we planned to do with the money. We immediately responded by saying we were going to go to babies r' us and buy that mattress.

The lovely wife said, "Oh don't do that. We have a mattress you can have. We bought one for our granddaughter when she comes to visit, but she actually sleeps with us so why don't you have it."

We were blown away. We had never met these people. They were insistent. The mattress was perfect. A lot better than the one we were planning to buy. And crazy kid has slept on it like a champ ever since.

And as for the business card...

During that time where I was 8 months pregnant, my husband was looking to move into a manager position. There was one opening up about 30 minutes away from us in a new location and we thought that would be great. We weren't sure when that position would open but it was the only one available at the time. We told our small group what we wanted and we prayed that God would open the doors and put him in the right place. However, our small group leader added a simple request that night. He prayed that God would place him where he needed to be and if at all possible, he would place him in the location that was 8 minutes away from our home. That God would give the manager at that location a better job and move him so hubs could be there.

We thought, "That would be nice." But, the reality was that this manager lived a few blocks away, he loved the area and it would be a miracle if he left.

God works miracles.

About a month later, the manager calls my husband and says, "Hey I just took a position in town with another company making more money. My wife and I just purchased a loft that we have been wanting. I wanted to let you know so you can post for my location."

A few weeks after crazy kid was born, he became the manager of the location that was literally 8 minutes away from our home.

We were amazed. Wow God. How much you love and care for us that you bless others in order to bless us. And they have no idea!

To God be the Glory!

Perfect Creation

I was driving yesterday and I heard on the radio that there are over 20,000 species of butterflies in the world. I wasn't really paying attention to what they were talking about, but for whatever reason that statement caught my attention and I began to think about that some.

God, in all his majesty and perfection, when He created the world, decided to create 20,000 kinds of butterflies. In fact, according to some research that I did, He more than likely created so many more but we can not tell how many due to extinction, even in the last decade.

I started to think about butterflies. They are the only insect I am not afraid of. They are beautiful and graceful. When I see one, I stop and keep my eye on it for a while. I point it out to others around me.

If you look at butterflies, no matter the type, they are all different. Monarch butterflies, for instance, have the same colors, perhaps some of the same markings, but if you are able to look closely, no two are the same. There is color variation, they are different sizes and maybe have differnt lines or spots.

The beautiful thing is that God knows each by name. He took the time and created each line, each color, each spot for an insect whose average life span is one month.

And I have to think, He cares so much about creating a butterfly to be unique and perfect, he must care the same for me and for my family.

God doesn't make mistakes. He cares for every detail of my life. And not only did He create me to be unique and unlike anyone else in this vast world, He created my marriage to be unique. My love story is like no one else's in the world. My child is unique, he is like no one else in the world. My family is unique, they are like no one else's in the world.

What is considered a perfect butterfly? There is no such definition. God did not give us perfect for a reason.

Adam and Eve were perfect in mind, heart and they probably had perfect bodies, but they were unique. Different. Of course, once Eve ate the fruit, the rest of us were bound to a scale!

And after the fall, perfection was lost.

But God did not stop creating the unique. And I believe that every person is a unique individual who God has placed in my life for a reason.

God gave me my unique character and qualities for a reason. He allowed me to have imperfections, so that He could be glorified in restoring and renewing them. He created my marriage with all it's imperfections so that my husband and I could see that we can not do it alone, but HE can make it perfect and pure and lasting. He gave me my child, with all his imperfections so that I could learn patience, strength and pure love. He gave me my family, my mother, father, brother, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, all of them, with all their imperfections so I could learn to forgive, to be gentle and to encourage.

We can not deny that God is working. Always. Constantly.

He has created us so we can strive for righteousness and truth. He does not make mistakes, no matter the mistakes we make. In His eyes, with his gentle hand, everything can become perfected. Our marriages, our relationships, our children, even ourselves. It is a process, but He can bring us through it if we allow him to.

He doesn't give up.

And neither should we.

Jesus Loves...My Son, this I Know

A few days ago I had one of those days. A day when nothing was going according to plan, patience was no where to be found, nor was obedience on my son's part.

I was struggling.

It was hard to just be; let alone be mommy, cook, maid, entertainer, teacher and friend.

Truth...lately I've been struggling with some crazy stuff in my life. God has been taking me through a refinement period and it has been intense and exhausting at times. Days seem to go by in a blur and so many times I feel almost outside of myself, as if I am merely watching what is going on, but not participating in my own life.

It is hard to be a woman when you feel empty. It is hard to be a mom when you feel inadequate. It is hard to be a friend when you feel replacable. It is hard to be a wife when you feel unappreciated and undesirable.

BUT...

God has brought me so far. He has taught me that all these thoughts, doubts and pits that I fall into are nothing more than lies. The truth will set me free and I must believe the truth. No...I must transform and renew my mind to know the truth.

The absolute truth - My God is the only one who can fill me to overflowing. God completes me and He is enough. God has placed me, positioned me and purposed me for such a time as this. God desires me.

And on this particular day, when such lies were beating at me and when I could barely raise my head, I got out of my house, put my son in his car seat and turned the ignition. And as soon as the car turned on, my Life Song came on.

It's like the sun is shining when the rain is pouring down.
It's like my soul is flying when my feet are on the ground.
So take this heart of mine there's no doubt,
I'm in better hands now.

I am strong all because of you.
I stand in awe of every mountain that you move.
I am changed, yesterday is gone.
I am safe from this moment on.

There's no fear when the night comes round,
I'm in better hands now.

This song has ministered to me so much in the last few months. I am believing and singing those truths into my life. When it came on I felt relieved and encouraged. It was as if God was saying, "I have you in my hands, remember that."

But do you know what the most amazing moment was after that? As soon as that song ended, the DJ came on and was talking about something or other and my son asked me to put on his favorite song, "Mighty to Save." I was about to tell him that I did not have a remote and could not play the song ( thanks to our DVR, my son thinks that everything can be seen/heard at a push of the button on the remote) and before I could even get the words out, "Mighty to Save" came on the radio and my son says, "Tank tcho, mommy."

I was overwhelmed. Awestruck.

Tears welled up in my eyes and I said, "Mommy didn't do that baby, say thank you to Jesus." And he replied, "Tank tcho, Jejus."

God was telling me, "I love you. I will lift you up. And you know what...I love your son too."

"I stand in awe of every mountain that you move. I am changed, yesterday is gone." - Better Hands Now, Natalie Grant