Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Need a Reminder.

I am a believer. One who seeks and follows Christ daily.
Well, almost daily.

But you see, despite the fact that I have loved my Lord almost my entire life I still, sometimes, have trouble with certain issues.

Sometimes I tend to doubt. I tend to not trust "with all my heart."

And you know what the worst thing about that is...I can tell you stories of time and time again when the Lord came through.

I mean...HE CAME THROUGH! Flying colors and all. Almost showing off.

Shock. Wow. HOW??

Yet, he always comes through.

Now it's not always in my timing, but usually better.

But I am one of those who forgets all those times he has come through. Or, maybe I just need to constantly remind myself. Because as soon as things are starting to look a little dim, I worry adn fret and doubt.

But I shouldn't because, My God has done so much.

My God gave me the best job out of college, 20 minutes from our home that was being built, 3 weeks before school started. I applied to almost every district in the city and he managed to work it all out.

My God provided my husband with a management job months before our first baby and get this...literally 5 minutes away from home. That first year or so he was able to come home for lunch, go to doctor appointments, etc.

My God gave me two beautiful, healthy children. I asked for one to be like his dad...and boy is he! And the other, despite a difficult pregnancy, fear and uncertainty, he gave me a beautiful, sweet baby girl with bright blue eyes and a precious smile who is a momma's girl.

Yesterday, I started doubting...I was having a hard time trusting. I was praying and asking for an answer.

You know, a bright light shining upon me, a voice from above...anything clear like that!


So, I openedd my bible and flipped around. I ended up in Ephesians. At a verse that we use so often we almost get desensitised to its power and greatness. And, well I needed to be reminded.

"I pray that you may have power, toghether with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasureabky more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him he the glory..."

Ephesians 3:18-20

More than I can ask or imagine...

"Father, I am believing that you are gonna leave us with our mouths wide open in awe. I am beliving that you have a great plan, you have all the details worked out and we are just waiting on your perfect timing. Help me remember to trust you. To wait on you. And strengthen me each day. And, father, no matter what the answer, I know that you are good and your love endures forever. In your precious name, Amen."

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

15 Minute Break

I am taking a break from cleaning my kitchen. Again.

I talked about how my kitchen despises me here. And once again it is mocking me.

So...here is my works for me Wednesday tip.

15 minute interludes.

Whenever I have a big cleaning project, I set my timer for 15 minutes and tackle whatever it is I am doing. Like loading and unloading the dishwasher, for example.

So for 15 minutes I clean like mad. Put away, pick up, swish, swirl, etc. and when my timer goes off I stop. Then I take 15 minutes and I will check my email, facebook, etsy, or play a game with my kids, feed them, whatever needs to be done other than cleaning.

It seems to work and I don't feel like I have been cleaning all day or get overwhelmed or overloaded. I have the personality where if I see a project and it seems way too big I just won't go there. So this way I just divide and conquer, basically.

Another tip along with the divide and conquer idea, is to split the area that needs to be cleaned in parts. So, back to the kitchen, I will make the sink one section. The countertops another, etc. And I focus on one section at a time.

Ok, so I have been posting for about 5 minutes and now beautiful baby is up from her nap so my 15 minutes will probably be up before I come down with her! It doesn't work all the time, but it has I would say 75% workability! Off to having a FABULOSO house!

For more things that work, click here.

Monday, July 27, 2009

LOOK...one Hand!

When you become a mom you are endowed with different powers. Gifts and talents that were not needed before but which you could not live without now.

Not only are we given the spiritual gifts like the gift of interpretation where only we know what this means... "Mama i wan knee stabies peas wi awjus."

Translation: "Mama I want to eat strawberries please with orange juice."

And I am definitely praying for the gift of knowledge and discernment to kick into high gear once these kiddos are entering the teen years.

On a side note, my mother was amazingly gifted in discernment, no kidding! She would walk into the house, take one look at me and say, "Where were you and what have you been doing?" it gives me chills just thinking about it. I HATED it then...but boy do I want what she's got!

And then of course you have the "eyes in the back of your head" power and "one hand."

One hand power kicks in as soon as you bring a newborn home. It comes in the IV, I believe.

I can cook with one hand.
I can eat with one hand.
I can feed myself, my toddler and my infant with one hand! Ha, beat that!
I can check facebook, hotmail and crazy blog with one hand.
I can flip a pancake with one hand.
I can crack an egg with one hand.
I can fold underware with one hand.
I can put makeup on with one hand AND look good!
Vacuum, sweet, dust.
I'm writing this post as we speak...you guessed it, with ONE hand!

The list goes on.

Now if only I could make time to take a shower or workout. I do have the power to hold my bladder for hours at a time, but if anyone has the power to pee without having an audience around, THAT is the one I desire most! For more tackles, click here.

"Lord thank you that you are all powerful! That you have truly given me the abilities and the wisdom that I need to raise my kids, have a loving home and be a good wife and mother. All I ask is that you continue to bless me each day with what I need for that day and that I will learn from my mistakes and grow more in you daily. In your precious name, Amen."

Monday, July 20, 2009

Mother of 4...don't think so!

You know that convesation you have with your beloved...the conversation that starts..."So...we done yet?" Are we done having kids, that is.

Well, that conversation has been brought up here and there the last few.

After baby girl was born lots of people asked, "So when are you gonna have another one?" Or, "are you ready for a third?"

Are you FREAKIN' kidding me! Seriously...asking a mother of a newborn those questions is just not that bright.

I mean...can we get a few hours of uniterrupted sleep first before we jump on that wagon. Or I don't know...let's see what life is like when toddler and baby are both mobile! Yeah...let's cross that realm first!

Nonetheless, God in his great wisdom and grace made that newborn phase shortlived. As I have said before here, baby girl is in that very easy to manage stage. She sits pretty, isn't mobile (and I am secretly hoping she won't be for a while) and is all smiles and pretty predictable. She cries when she is hungry, dirty or bored. Piece of cake.

So you see how God tricks ya...I mean here you are thinking, "I got this!" HA! How we easily forget!

And then before you know it you find yourself thinking, "should we have anotherbaby?"

Husband says no. He is pretty sure he is done. He is happy with two. His reason being that with only two no one ever has to ride alone on a rollercoaster.

Yeah, brilliant, I know.

I really don't know. Still on the fence. All I know is that I don't want to regret anything.

This week my neice and nephew are staying with us as their parents travel to get thier adopted #3, Ava Berhenesh, from Ethiopia.

So I am getting a taste of what more kids would be like. And let's just say...I'm tired.

"Precious Lord, thank you for my beautiful kids and for my neice and nephew who are sweet and so good with my kids and so much help. Lord, I don't know if I want anymore kids. What do you think? Is our family complete? Lord help me know your will and be without doubts. Thank you that you always take care of every detail and know the plans you have for us all. In your precious name, Amen."

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Mommy Heaven

I just came down from putting sweet boy to bed. I sat in his rocking chair to read him a book, which I don't usually do; usually I sit on his bed with him and read but not tonight.

When I sat down, he looked at me and grinned and said, "Mommy, can I sit down with you in your lap?" I replied, "Of course." He came over and hunkered down. We read the book and I held him like I use to.

Once we were done reading he turned toward me and said, "Mommy can you hold me."
"Like I use to when you were a baby?" I asked.
"Yeah," he replied very excited like. "Wait, let me get my puppy and my bie." He jumped on his bed and got his loveys and tossed them over to me. I placed bie across my chest and he straddled his little legs around me and hugged me, with his face in the crook of my neck.

We were quiet for a minute...perhaps both enjoying the nostalgic moment; remembering the days when he fit perfectly against my chest and I would hold and rock him till he was asleep.

He broke my thoughts and pushed against me to look at me and said, "Mommy, I love this."
"I love this too. We should do this more often."
"Yeah. I love it too."

I began to sing him a song that I use to sing to him...

"Baby mine, don't you cry. Baby mine, dry your eyes..."

"Mommy what are you singing?"
"I use to sing this to you when you were a baby."
"I'm not a baby anymore. Don't sing that. Sing twinkle, twinkle little star. No, I sing it first...

"tinkle, tinkle, wittle staa, how I know you where you are. Up, up up up up up up up so high, wike a dymon in da sky. tinkle, tinkle, wittle sta, how I know you where you are."

Ok, your turn mom."

"Oh Father, I was in mommy heaven for a moment today. I look at my kids and think, how did time go so fast. It's not fair. He use to be so small and now he can do so much. I know I taught him to be independent and we at times push him to be a big boy, but I miss my baby. Even baby girl is getting so big. So Lord, if you can keep them little just like this, I would greatly appreciate it! But if not, let's have more moments like these. A lot of them. In your precious name, Amen."

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

The Wonderful and Woeful of mommyhood...

I know, I know...it's been two months...I'm sorry but life is...life. Busy, crazy...which by the way, it is harder to have a life of ones own when you have two other little lives to care after. I mean, with crazy kid we were at the point where we had a good schedule, I could get stuff done, play with him, teach him stuff, feed him and then even have a few hours to myself for whatever I needed to do.

Now, I feel as if I don't sit down.

In fact, today I didn't eat lunch until 2:30. And the need to pee came around 4 this afternoon and I still haven't made it to the potty yet. Thank goodness for a bladder of steel and that after two babies!

But seriously, I am constantly on the go. Cleaning, laundry, feeding, putting to bed, etc. The glorious thing is that I have two amazing kids. Crazy boy is obedient, when he wants to be, and baby girl is a piece of cake, except when she isn't. So...maybe I am the one with the problem, but either way, that is the season we are in now.

So what has been going on...lots.

This past week I experienced one of the joys of mommyhood. One of those wonderful, beautiful, never ever forget things happened.

Baby girl said her first word. And not just any word.


And she said it like she has been saying it all along. It just trickles out of her mouth. "Mama mama ma" all gurgly like and sweet.

It was the greatest thing ever.

And it's even better when she rolls over in her bed after she wakes up from a nap and I can see her in her baby monitor and she just starts saying, "mama mama..." Pure joy!

And can I say, I deserve it! I mean...she is a momma's girl, for now anyways. We are so comfortable together. She is happy when in my arms, she can sleep cuddled close to me no matter where we are...we are two peas.

But I was afraid of those first words. I mean, crazy kid and I were cool together too. I thought he was a momma boy, but the day of truth came when he uttered, "dada" before momma.

What kind of justice is that.

I mean, I am the one who bathes, cleans, feeds, burps, changes, over and over and over again.

And what do they do...call out for "dada."

But not my girl! She understands the connection...the sacrifice.

Of course...I have had to become a mean mommy to my girl recently. Despite the beautiful words.

Happy day! Baby girl got her first tooth back in May. Then the second tooth came out a few weeks after. Pretty fast! And then...it happened.

Brace yourself...I got bit.

And I'm not talking a little nibble. I'm talking full on, gnawing!

Ok, go ahead and take a minute to do that full body shiver...


Let me tell you...now we know why we say the phrase, "It hurt like a mother..." because only mothers feel pain like this.

And only mothers will continue to put themselves in harms way for the sake of their children. Time and time again...childbirth, breastfeeding, etc.

Back to the bite. So...there I was feeding my precious child. Looking into her beautiful blue eyes. The oxcytocin is flowing or whatever that chemical is that flows and makes you happy and connected...when all of a sudden...two sharp, never been used, finely chiseld teeth clamp down.

Screaming occurs.

And get this...she laughs. Laughs!

So what did I do...I flicked her sweet, perfect little cheeck and said, "No, we don't bite!" As if the child has any idea what I am talking about. She then starts to scream. Daddy comes in and rescues her.

I am bleeding.

I tend to my wound and with great sacrifice and courage I take her back in my arms.

I begin to feed her again from the other side, of course.

Let me tell you, for 4 days, I felt like I was going to pass out everytime I fed her. 4 DAYS!

She hadn't bit since. I thought maybe she had learned her lesson.

Last week...she got top teeth. Teeth created for biting. For cutting into apples and meat.

Yesterday...I was bit 3 times!

I yelled, flicked her, she cried...

But that last time, I'm not kidding, she seriously looked at me with a knowing look and softly bit down as if she was asking..."are you flipping out when I do this?" Well, she hasn't bit me since.

So...everytime I feed her I am watching her and praying for numbness...just in case.

"Father I love being a mommy. I love this stage of infancy. When they are babbling and vying for your attention. Thank you for making me a mommy. Thank you for the joy that this baby girl is. Thank you that she said "momma" first. I know it is dumb, but I find such reassurance that she knows my name and calls for me. Lord there is nothing greater than to be called momma. Help me to treasure all of these moments...even if they hurt! In your precious name, Amen. "

Friday, May 8, 2009

I don't wanna clean it AGAIN!!!

It does not like me.
It is gross.

It is vicious.

It mocks me.

My kitchen in glaring at me right now. A dirty kitchen makes your whole house dirty.

There are dishes piled up. Jelly on the countertop. Mail on the kitchen table. Crumbs on the floor. unidentified sticky. Clean dishes that need to be unloaded.

Two days ago this kitchen was spotless.

Why is it so hard to keep it that way? I don't want to clean it AGAIN!
Now I have to deal with this...

Ok...I better go and tackle the monster. If we didn't eat all the time I wouldn't have to deal with this...and I would be a lot smaller. Hmmm...something to think about.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

He Knows

A few weeks ago a friend shared on her blog a passage from the Living Proof Ministries blog (LPM) or Beth Moore's blog, and what Beth had to say encouraged me so much and gave me strength to keep going and keep fighting for whatever God has in store for my life.

And this afternoon after I put my kids to take their nap I came to check my email and had to go back to that blog of Beth's.

A dear friend has been diagnosed with Lymphoma and my heart aches. I'm in shock and I can't even imagine what he must be feeling now.

So...for all my friends who need this encouragement, please say a prayer for my friend and read on...and remember God knows and is greater than everything this world can throw at us.

"God has healed all of us of many things but, in His great purposes, we can only grab the hem. Even a miracle of instant restoration from a terminal disease is still just a hem of healing.
One day we will trade the hem for the real Him. No more pressing through the crowd wondering if we're going to be among the few that see that kind of miracle. We will see Him. Jesus Christ, the risen King. We won't just touch the edge of His cloak. We will touch the God-man Himself in His spectacular immortal body but, significantly, one still bearing the scars of His visitation here. His wholeness is so utterly complete and infinitely perfect that we, upon the very sight of Him, will be made whole as well.
This, Beloved, is what we live for. Not for just another day here. But for that very day there.
Several months ago, Melissa had insisted upon going with me to have a dye test to follow up a suspicious mammogram. (No rumors please. I do not have breast cancer. Because my mother died with it, however, I never get the luxury of drama-less annual check-ups.) We were sitting in the waiting room and a rack was within arms reach offering all manner of brochure on various cancers. Melissa took one out after another and glanced over them, shaking her head. She looked up at me with that classic expression of hers and said, "Life is brutal, man."
I nodded.
We both sat silently for just a moment.
Then she said one of the most profound things I've ever heard.
"He knows it's scary to be us.
"Yes, He does. Yes, He does. He does NOT take the fact lightly that we go through medical tests to see if we have a raging cancer. He does NOT take lightly that some of you are secretly fearing that the monster has come back. He does NOT take lightly that some of you are going through the cancer treatments of your own children. I had to pause and put my hand over my mouth on that one. Holding back the tears.
Son of David, have mercy on us! You know it's scary to be us! It's almost too much here, Lord. It's almost too much.
And the thunder crashes in the heavens and the earth grows dark in the middle of the afternoon and a man, beaten to a bloody pulp, cries from a cross between two thieves, "It is finished!"
And death is overcome.
One day, Sweet Darling. ONE DAY. We will trade that hem for the real Him and there will be no more sickness. No more death. No more sadness. We will all be healed.
Beth Moore, LPM - April 10, 2009

Monday, May 4, 2009

Back in the day...

My husband was sick with what began with allergies and ended with fever. I insisted that he stay in bed most of the day, which we all know is rather difficult because when you have a three year old who LOVES his daddy, all he wants to do is play with him. So, we were glad Daddy stayed home from work today, we got a little extra time with him, his fever didn't return and he got the rest he needed.

As I was lying in bed last night after feeding baby girl her last feed of the day I realized how tired I was. And I looked over at my husband who wasn't feeling much better and said, "I'm so jealous of you right now."

"What?" he replied.
"I wish I could lie in bed all day and watch TV and do little else."
"Yeah, that's all good except that I am sick."
"Yeah, AND on top of it all, you get to take nyquil to help you sleep at night...SOOO jealous."
"Your crazy."

And then I got to thinking...when was the last time I was able to stay in bed for hours at a time with no responsibilities, no worries, nowhere to go, etc?


I clearly remember saturdays like that.

I remember many occasions of staying in my pj's all day, sleeping till noon, then maybe grabbing a book and staying in bed until someone came by or called and was like, "Hey, lets go to common grounds (the local coffee house)." And then we would go get a yummy Iced white chocolate mocha with whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles and then head back and watch a movie or hang out.

Yup. That's the last time I did anything like that.

So...I'm thinking that for mother's day that's what I want...a day of doing NOTHING. NADA!

A day I can sleep as long as I want without having to make, do, clean, pick up, put away or worry about anything. And when I do wake up I can pick up a good book and read with no interruptions, no "mommy can you," or "baby will you," or "WAAA...feed me!" and drink coffee in one long sitting without having to put it in the microwave because I forgot about it because I had to make, do, clean, pick up, put away or worry about whatever.

Yeah...I know this isn't gonna happen but maybe if I'm lucky I can get an hour of this. The funny thing is...this all may sound real good...but I kinda like being needed. Being mommy. Oh well...

"Father, thank you for making me a mommy. It is the hardest, sweetest, most rewarding blessing ever. I know there are days when I am tired. There are days when I feel like my head is spinning and there are moments when I do want to lie in bed all day and not be "mom" but...I know this season of being mommy is fleeting. Before I know it my kids won't need me for everything...they will be able to bathe and clothe and feed themselves. Remind me that this won't be forever, but...let me always be needed. In your precious name, Amen."

Sunday, May 3, 2009

A little bit of DIRT...

I was on double duty tonight since my Hubs has been sick.
I cooked dinner by ordering pizza. I worked out (while carrying baby girl!) and I got the kids bathed and ready for bed.

Baby girl just loves her bath and bathing with brother is a special treat. She kicks and squeals and laughs hysterically at him. So fun,

So, anyways, I bathed baby girl, bathed crazy kid and then left him in the tub to play while I lotioned up and dressed the baby.

I leave her in her room to play, while I go to get crazy...and I find him all scrathced up and red.

"Mommy it won't come off."
"What won't come off?"
"The dirt. I'm all dirty."
"Baby I already washed you."
"No mommy, I have dirt on me, see..." He says as he points to his tummy that as I mentioned before is all scraped and red. I strain to look past the scratches but don't see what he is talking about.
"Baby, you aren't dirty."
"Yes mom, I am. Right there." And then he points to a little bitty freckle.
I try hard not to laugh and say, "Baby that isn't dirt that is a freckle. The sun kissed you and left a spot."
"I don't want it, it's dirt. I don't like it."

Well,the "dirt" didn't come off, but he is the cutest kid!

And now to bed. Being mommy and daddy is exhausting!

"Dear father, thank you for moments like these that are so fun and precious. Thank you for reminding me how much help my husband is and how I blessed I am to have him as my helper. Thank you for healing! In your precious name, Amen."

Friday, May 1, 2009

His Plans

It's amazing how God knows and interweaves every single detail of your life together in perfect timing. Looking back in my life I am always dumbfounded over the way God figured stuff out, made a path, closed doors, opened windows, and yes, even smacked me a little...but through it all, His hand on my life was always evident.

He has always taken care of me and placed me where I needed to be, doing what I was meant to be doing and preparing me for whatever was in store.

And he is still preparing me for whatever comes next. He is still molding me and challenging me and I am in awe over all that he has done thus far and I am sure that when I look back in the next few months or so I will again be dumbfounded.

I don't know what God's plan is thus far for my family, but I know that he is preparing me for whatever comes along the way.

After having baby girl I was on a reading frenzy. What else can you do while you are pumping away! In the begining when I was only getting like 5 hours of sleep in a day I read fun reads. Reads where I didn't have to think much. And then I began reading more indepth, thoughtful reads.

And last month I opened a book that I have had in my library for years. In fact, I don't even remember when I got this book but I had never read it.

So I started reading...couldn't put it down. I was really moved by it and I connected with it...but little did I know that this book was God's way of preparing me for future events.

The book was about a Wife and mother who makes the change to another city, away from all that she loves and is familiar with, because her husband transfers for his career. The heroine struggles and is angry and resentful. But soon she see's that all was in God's plan because he brought her to that place for a reason and a purpose greater than her own plans and dreams.

This past month my husband and I have been discussing the idea of him transferring to another city. I have struggled with this. My heart aches over the idea. Fear transcends. Imagination takes over.

I have prayed and prayed over this. And I finally gave it to God and said, I trust you. You have never led us astray and you have always made your will clear in our lives. If we are to go it is beacuse that is what you desire...And wherever we go, you will be there with open arms ready to elevate us for your Glory.

So...I don't know if we are going anywhere...we are waiting on God. But I will obey...and I will trust...and I will be brave.

"Dear Father, thank you for clarity, for peace and for strength. Father thank you for creating me to be the strong and influencial woman, wife and mother that I am. I know I fail sometimes, and I know there are moments when I can't hide the tears or the fears, but I know that you are holding us. You know our fears and our pain, but You, my God, are in this place and any other place you lead us to. You will give us strength and you will always be glorified in our lives. In your precious name, Amen."

*Go Check it out...The Scarlet Thread - Francine Rivers

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Bumble Bee Clean up...

I'm sitting at my computer blogging instead of cleaning my house. It's rather messy but I will probably just end up doing a quick, what I call, "bumble bee" clean up before my husband comes home. You know what I'm talking about...ready...hear the music from flight of the bumblebee in your head...and GO!

Grab a trash bag, toss loose trash away, pick up everything off the floor and put it somewhere, anywhere, preferably not in a visible space (this is where junk drawers and "monica" closets come in handy), swish the toilet with pine sol (Thanks for the tip sweet friend, you know who you are), put the unfolded clothes back into the laundry room (take it out after hubs comes home as if you have been washing ALL DAY!), stuff the dishes of the day into the dishwasher,put away the OJ, AJ, Coffee from this morning, "Dadyy's coming home we have to clean up! Pick up your toys... pick up your toys," the baby is crying, gotta clean up with one hand, Praise baby always works and he'll walk into such a peaceful home! Gotta change shirts again so I don't smell like a mommy, wipe the faces, check the diaper, brush your hair add some lipgloss and mascara (yes I look this good all day long!)...is that the garage door, grab Mandarin Orange home spray (thank you Bath and body works) spray, spray, spray (one qucik spray on the dog)...and finally greet your husband with a kiss.

Reward: "Wow, the house smells great.


"Father thank you for a husband that appreciates all that I do and all that he thinks I do! Thank you for giving me the chance to stay home with my kids and take care of my home. It is such a huge blessing, yet it is one I tend to complain about most. Our home is so wonderful and I need to remember that you have made me the manager and I need to make it a place of comfort and rest for my husband, a place of safety and wonder for my children and a place of love and warmth for my friends and family. Keep your angels around us always father, in you precious name, Amen."

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

So Big...

"Ok buddy, the baby is asleep and now it's time for your nap," I said as I pulled his pull up on and tossed him 3 of the 12 stuffed animals that invade his bed each day.

"I don't wanna take a nap," he replied. This is the mantra of the hour.

"You have to take a nap so your body can rest and you can grow big and strong."

"I am big...see..." he says as he throws off his blanket, stands up on the bed and lifts his head as high as he can.

"You are very big, but if you want to be as big and strong as Daddy you have to take a nap."

I then begin to cover him oncemore, tucking him in and handing him puppy, who he immedeately nuzzles. His eyes are droopy and he is fighting the desire to sleep. He then looks at me and in a tired whisper says, " Mommy, I don't think so."

"You don't think what baby?"

"I don't think I wanna be big."

"Why not?" I reply.

"I just don't wanna be big, neber, neber."

He starts to close his heavy eyelids and I kiss his cheek and hug him and say, "I think that's a great idea. You don't have to be big if you don't want to."

"Ok mom."

I smile to myself as I softly shut his door, pick up a few toys in the playroom and go downstairs when halfway down the stairs I hear...


I hear footsteps running and the door crack open.

"Mom," he calls out again as I come up the stairs.

"What baby?"

"I changed my mind. I do wanna be big."

I smile and reply, "Ok buddy, now go back to bed and stay there."

"Ok mom...but can you cober me 'cause I don't know how."

Oh Lord, I want my babies to stay small. I don't want them to get any bigger. I want him to be three forever. To be sweet and eager to learn and full of life and wonder. I want my baby girl to be a baby as long as possible. It goes too fast Lord. Stop it! Thank you for my blessings and for the time you have given me with them. And Father, cover my babies and our family because only you know how. In your precious name, Amen.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Strong and Courageous

We have been on a losing front for a while now.

When crazy kid was born he was a sucker. If you are picturing a lollipop atop of his little body, that is not what I am talking about. He was a pacifier or what we call "tete" sucker. From the moment he came out he latched on to me with no problems whatsoever and due to much protest from his milk suppliers I gave him a tete and he went to town.

He loved it from day one. There was no confusion. His tete was his comfort.

It's been a long road. There were hours when one could not be located and I would pray, "Lord there has to be one around here somewhere, help me find it PLEASE!" A few car rides where we forgot it and the tears poured out. Nap time could not go without it.

After a while he preferred blue ones only, because apparently the green one just didn't cut it so we threw out all the various colors and kept only blue.

He would have one in his mouth, find another and test each, then decide which one was best. I don't know why. Maybe one still had peanut butter lingering on it or something. He would even make "mmmmm" sounds as he sucked away.

So, when he turned three we told him that the tete had to go away. And he cried, "I want it, I love it, please no!"

We tried to bargain with toys, candy, a horse...nothing.

So we kinda wimped out and gave in to his addiction. Besides we were going out of town and thought it would be best to let him keep it until after we returned.

But today was a fateful day. Today was the end all day. Today, fate intervened.

He has been down to one last tete (actually two but he doesn't know that). And for the last two weeks I have been telling him that this is his last one and if it breaks or gets lost there aren't anymore. We can't buy any because they only sell them to babies.

This morning he was upset and being rather disobedient. He wanted my attention and was rather upset. He had to go potty and he was standing over the toilet crying when PLOP...down drops the tete into the toilet.

Opportune moment.

"It is now gone. The toilet drank it. It has pee pee on it and is very yucky, we can't put that in our mouth anymore. You know that is your last one. I'm sorry bud, all the tetes are gone."

He was so sad. It BROKE my heart. He was genuinely grieving. Big tears pouring from his big brown eyes rolling down his syrup stained face.

He calls his dad and begins to tell him what happened and tears well up in his eyes and he can't get through it.

I hug and love on him and tell him it's ok that he needs to be brave and everything will be ok. Then I encourage him to talk to Jesus and tell him how he feels. He nuzzles into me and says, "Jesus I am so sad. I want my tete. Help me be brave."

He has been very brave all day.

"Father thank you for my sweet, precious boy. He is such a joy to me. God I am sad that this baby boy is getting so big. It hurts my heart to see that he really isn't a baby anymore, no matter how much I want him to be. He doesn't even have a baby tummy anymore God. Lord, thank you for allowing me to learn bravery from my boy. Thank you that he trusts you already and that he is learning to give it all to you knowing that you will give him courage and strength. Thank you father. In your precious name, Amen."

Monday, April 6, 2009

God with Us

My pregnancy with baby girl was not one I would call pleasant.

My pregnancy was unfortunately filled with tears. I am convinced I had pre-post partum depression. I lived in sadness and guilt and my hormones had a great deal of control.

I had great guilt over the fact that I was not enjoying my pregnancy. With my first, I had an amazing pregnancy. I was happy, over the moon, joyful. It was easy and sweet. And I was very guilty over the fact that this pregnancy was not like the first.

And I never spoke this outloud until after the fact, but I was so afraid. I was terrified that something was going to go wrong. Everytime they checked for the heart beat, my own heart would stop. I found myself not able to breathe during those first few moments. Sonograms were anxiety filled. And before delivery I was shaking so much I barely got control.

I never spoke out my fear in fear that it would somehome become truth. I just fought the fear as best as I could.

And, one of the first things I said to my sweet baby girl when we were all alone in the hospital room was that I was sorry.

"I'm sorry Mommy cried so much. I'm sorry of the stress I gave you inside of me. I love you and wanted you so much. I'm sorry I was so sad."
I was blessed to give birth to a beautiful, healthy baby girl. She is perfect, more than I ever imagined. She came out with a head full of light brown hair, which has streaks of red and gold which especially shines in the sun. And her eyes are still bright blue which match her sweet, sensitive, slightly pale skin.
I could never be more blessed or content.
And as we entered into this new life, both hers and mine, there were moments when the guilt still presides.
Baby girl is a little more sensitive than her brother. I would say she cries a little more than he did. And I know babies cry but the guilt says she cries more because I cried so much. And it wasn't until she began smiling and laughing that I began to believe differently.

With every smile and every gurgling laugh, the guilt is stripped away. And the fact that she coos and blow bubbles more than her brother ever did is even more rewarding.

I am amazed at what God has done through me because of this sweet child. He brought me through storm after storm. He held me and took care of me even when I in many ways turned my back on him and had no faith and no trust. And then he blessed me more than I deserved.

Emma means God with us...and I now see that he was with me.

"Father I am overwhelmed with love for you. I am so blessed. Thank you for the storms. Thank you for having patience with me and for standing by me and carrying me through them when I didn't think I could endure anything more. Thank you for your sweet reward that came in a precious bundle of pink."

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

March Madness...

I was very excited yesterday.

Every month I take down the dry erase calendar from ou fridge, erase the activities from the previous month and jot down our life happenings for the new month. Apparently that is how scheduling works.

So, I erased March, wrote in April and all the days in the appropriate boxes, which is a challenge for me b/c I never learned that song about how many days are in each month. Plus, I've never been good with numbers at all so you have no idea how many times I am on day 22 and I realize I left out the 15th and have to go back and erase and start over.

So, as I said, I erased all of March and put in April, checked that all 30 days were there and filled in the events for the month and I am happy to report that only one weekend is full!

Can you believe it!

The month of April we have very little going on. Our weekends are free to do whatever we want (stay home, go to the mall, hang out with friends) the sky is the limit!

Now let me be clear...March was a great month, but March tends to be one of the busiest months of our year. Both Sammy and Orlando's birthdays are in March, one of us or both tend to travel in March, plus there is spring break in there and life is just crazy where it seems that everything is going at warp speed and we are just trying to get through one event to get to the other.

Sammy's birthday was at the begining of the month. It was a success despite the rain, but he and his pals had fun. Orlando's birthday unfortunately came and went. On his day he came down with the flu, which took him out of commission during spring break. He felt well enough to take Sam to the Rodeo, but was down a bit the next day for it. Fortunately, the rest of us didn't get sick. I only caught a head cold but we all recovered.

We just returned from San Francisco. Just Orlando and I. We had a wonderful time reconnecting and spending time as us and not as mommy and daddy. However, by the third day, we missed being mommy and daddy and were glad to be home.

Our kids missed us as well. In fact, crazy kid came to me yesterday and gave me a big hug and said, "Mommy I'm so glad you're home." Break the heart!

So this weekend I am off to a women's retreat for a day or so and after that...All plans are last minute! Woo hoo.

"Lord thank you for busy times. I enjoy having lots to do: packing and unpacking, planning and running errands. It is time consuming and tiring, but it is nice when everything comes together and I can look back and see that it all was worth it. And thank you for quiet times. When we can go and do and be whatever we want and not have to look at our calendar and figure out where things can fit in. Thank you for March. It is a month filled with blessings. You are always so good to us Lord, I am so greatful. In your precious name, Amem."

Sunday, March 8, 2009


My goodness time goes by so fast and before you know it...months have past before I have even written on this crazy blog o' mine.

The theme of my life right now is..hmmm...trust in God. Oh wait a minute...that's what he has been trying to teach me for about a year now. Well, actually my whole life!

As always life is never dull, crazy and as always beautiful. And very, very full!

I have so much going on yet so many days I have found that I can barely, no, I don't get out of the house much!

The clock revolves around playing with my will be 3 this week boy and feeding, burping, changing, sleeping almost 3 month old baby girl. Whoo! It's exhausting.

Not to mention my dear husband has been overwhelmed, stressed and busy. Work has been crazy and so while I am learning to balance everything at home, he is trying to balance everything at home and at work.

I do have one major problem though and it took over this past week.

I try to be supermom.


Supercook (and we know that one is rather difficult).




And I am so far from each of those.

Everytime I try to fly, I crash and burn.

And let's be honest, it's hard to hide extra baby weight in that lycra suit.

I need to cut myself some slack. Learn to let go. Learn when to say, "You know what, yes the kitchen is a mess but I am going to sit and play with my kid because the dishes can wait."

But why is it so hard to do that? Why can't I accept that the house will never be immaculate, that there will always be a few toys lying around and another dish to clean. I know that's life and the season we are in but I tend to nag myself about how things "should" be.

"I should have the house super clean, I should be teaching my kid his phonetics, I should be doing baby excercises with baby girl, I should be excercising myself, I should find time to hang out with friends, I should have longer quiet times, I should pray more, I should not eat that, I should shave my legs, I should have a four course meal, I should..."

And the list goes on.

So I'm trying. Trying to remember that this week my sweet baby boy will turn 3 and he won't always want me to stop what I'm doing and play. He won't say in his precious lisp, "Pwease mommy, pway wit me." I will remember that getting baby girl to laugh that sweet little gurgly laugh, like she did today for the first time, is more precious than dusting or sweeping.

I'm gonna say no to the guilt. I'm going to keep my house as orderly as I can without having that desire for perfection overtake anything else. I'm gonna love my kids and serve my husband.

I'm gonna try.

"Father help me remember to trust you. To know that I have no one else to please but you. Help me learn that if all I do one day is play with and love on my kids...well that is an accomplished day. Help me to learn that I don't have to prove anything or be anything more than what you desire of me. Help me to run this home as you desire. To teach my children to follow you and that they may see you through me in every thing I do. Thank you for always teaching me and helping me grow. In your precious name. Amen"

Saturday, January 24, 2009

"Once upon a time there was this young mother who almost had a nervous breakdown! She was tired, sick, had a huge tension headache which was not in anyway relieved by the high pitched screams of her 3 week old daughter. And of course, at the moment when she was worn thin, her two and a half year old son desperately needed her attention. She was in great despair and overwhelmed with frustration, guilt and defeat."

That was last Thursday.

The day had started off just ok. Despite all the hand sanitizing, Emma still managed to catch the nasty cold that is going around. Poor baby was super congested and no matter how much I sucked out of her little bitty nose, the mucus was overflowing!

The night had been better than the previous and I was fooled into thinking she was getting better. By mid afternoon, I started to feel the congestion hit.

I picked up Sammy from school and put in a movie for him while I fed Emma.

She had a hard time feeding, she started to scream...it was all downhill from there.

From about 2:30 to almost 5 she did not stop crying. Her feeding was all crazified because she would drink a bit and then scream, drink a bit and scream...etc.

I was at my wits end. I had no idea what to do. I kept sucking stuff out and she screamed louder. She was being overdosed with Saline and gripe water.

Then, of course, I was needed by my precious boy. He had left us alone for the most part for the first hour and in he comes..."Momma I want you to watch TV wit me. Pwease mommy?"

And the guilt poured down.

He kept saying, "Pwease mommy, come watch it wit me."

I tried to explain that baby was sick, but he kept saying, "but I want you."

So I lied and said I would be there in one minute.

Tears began to pour down my eyes. I was overwhelmed. I was feeling very sick , my head and body were aching and my precious baby girl would not stop screaming.

I had failed. I wasn't a great mommy. I had put my kid in front of the tv and left him there. I couldn't pacify my baby. I couldn't meet any one's needs. The feeling of confidence that I had days before when I thought, "Hey, I can do two kids. This ain't so bad..." those thought mocked me.

And finally, because I am still learning to give control to God and go to him first instead of fixing it all on my own, I began to pray.

You know the one..."Lord I can't do this, I'm desperate. HELP!!!"

My pathetic plea. And I have to ask myself...when will I ever learn. And as always, My God comes through.

I began to pray. And I desperately said, "Lord, I need help. I need encouragement. I'm being pulled and I can't handle this Lord. I need to know that someone loves me and is praying for me right now."

I'm not kidding you...a moment later my phone rings.

It's my dad.

In my life, my dad is my encourager,my support and mostly my reminder. Whenever things aren't going well or I am starting to doubt, he reminds me...to be strong in the Lord and the power of his might... To wait upon the Lord... That Joy comes in the morning... That he will give me the desires of my heart... That He will supply all my needs... To trust in the Lord with all my heart...

I pick up the phone and immediately start to blubber. I can't do this, I'm so tired, I am failing miserably, etc."

And he says, "Let me see what I can do, stop crying, be strong in the Lord and in the power of his might and I will call you back."

He calls back and says, ok, your mom is going to go over and spend the night so you can rest and feel better.

The baby finally fell asleep. I sat on the couch and watched the movie with my son and my mother came over and I slept all night.

God came through...he heard me, like he always does.

I have the best dad's in the world!

"Father, how many times have I been through this. How many times do I lose hope and strength. So many times I feel like I am failing and that I can't do this and then I am reminded that I can with you alone. You are my strength. I can do all things through You who gives me strength. Father, thank you for showing me how much you love me through the parents you have given me. Thank you for their wisdom and love for you. Please continue to give me strength. In your precious name, Amen."

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

A New Year...

Ok so...we have been up and down this week with various victories and defeats occurring in our household.

But...at the end of the day I have made a very conscious decision. A state of mind that I may at times have difficulty sticking with. Nonetheless...I'm going to do my best to stick.

Many of my readers, family and friends know that 2008 was not a good year. I would even go so far as to make a bumper sticker that says, "I HATE 2008," were it not for the precious baby girl that arrived as the most wonderful Christmas gift.

2008 began badly which included a very not so great family vacation, an ear infection and a very bad cold.

It continued on with more familial issues which led to a downfall for me. Anxiety, fear, overwhelming lack of self esteem, anger and resentment and no control over anything.

I fasted and prayed. Got a little better and then got pregnant. Not necessarily planned but I was learning that I couldn't plan everything. I was a bit nervous but excited.

And then came the nausea. I was overwhelmed with guilt that I wasn't paying attention to my son and was a bad wife because I could not do the things that I pride myself on like keeping the house clean or cooking dinner.

I started feeling better...life began to get back to some normalcy. My husband and I had a great get away. And a few weeks later, my husbands beloved grandfather passes. We grieved and mourned.

One month later Ike hit our home and down poured into my son's room.

3 days later, completely unexpectedly and with no warning, my precious grandmother passes. I still can't believe it. Even as I write these words my heart hurts. There are moments where I can't comprehend or...I don't know.

Life was in many ways unbearable. I was living in fear of "what is going to happen next." Nothing was controllable. I couldn't plan for my baby's arrival because the house was disheveled.

Of course, everything got done...almost at the last moment, but it was completed.

So now you see why 2008 was not a fun year.

But just as God promised, he gave me my reward. A precious gift all dimply and sweet. And perfect.

Everything has been perfect. She came at a perfect time, where both daddy and brother were able to bond and get to know baby girl and help me so much as I recovered. Delivery was easy. Recovery was easy. Perfect.

And despite the perfect I have found myself complaining. I am sure they are normal, "I have a newborn" complaints. But honestly, I am getting rather sick of them.

And I finally realized that yes, life is tiring right now, but God...I am so blessed. My baby is healthy and good and beautiful. I can tell she is going to be a sweetheart already. And my son...he is just amazing. He adores her and loves on her and I know he will protect her even when she doesn't want to be protected. And my husband...he loves us so much. He is my helper.

So...I'm done complaining. This year is a new year. And it has begun with such perfection and so many blessing that I am believing that it will completely blot out the last. All I will remember are the good not the hurt.

This year I will rejoice in the Lord always...

"Father thank you for a new day. Thank you that you have blessed me above and beyond. Thank you for the lessons you have taught me so that I will be able to teach them to my children. You are so good. Help me to never forget...In your precious name. Amen."

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Demand Feeding

I am an advocate for putting baby on a schedule asap. Baby girl has been giving me some problems thus far.

First of all she sleeps ALL THE TIME. Except of course around 4 in teh morning when she decides she is going to be all bright eyed! But, we are working on that and I am trying to keep her up as much as possible. Today, for example, she was awake for almost 5 hours. Not bad...we'll see how she fares tonight. The great thing is that she is rather easy going...I mean who isn't when you sleep 20 hours per day. Tonight for example, she was pretty much asleep when I put her down. I went out to fill the humidifier, came back in and her eyes were wide open. She wasn't crying or fussing she just laid there. I left her and she went to sleep. What a good girl!

SO...I am praying that this week we can get on a schedule and if I have to be mean I will be. By that I mean that if I have to wake her up each time by taking her clothes off and putting cold rags on her...I will.

The funny this is that my son doesn't want her on a schedule. He is a demand feeder. Everytime she starts to fuss or cry he comes to me and says..."Mommy, she's hungry. It's time to eat." And I say, " no she just ate a little while ago." "His reply, "I don't think so mommy, she needs to eat."

So we are of two different opinions in this home and I guess we will see who prevails!

"Father, I am so tired. I have forgotten how hard it is to get up every three hours. Help our rest be sweet and peaceful. Help me have wisdom as to know what to do. Help me love on my kids and give them what they need. In your precious name..."

Monday, January 5, 2009

Sleep is so over rated!

As I type this I'm thinking to myself...why am I not sleeping?
Hmmm...Oh yeah, because I have a whole list of things to do that are never ending!

My precious baby girl is wonderful. She is very sweet and rarely ever cries except when she is unswaddled, undressed, changed and cold. As soon as I wrap her up, she's good.

Of course, a two week old is very intelligent and can be rather manipulative.

Last night, for example, we discovered that she loves to be held. In fact, she can sleep in your arms for hours. BUT...as soon as I lay her down...here come the protests, the screams and the tears. The frustration is mutual.

So we spent a few hours letting her cry a little, then hold her...cry a little...hold her again until she finally gave up.

The good thing is, she wasn't quite as adamant as her big brother was at this age...he didn't give up and would be wet from sweat and tears! So atleast that tells me that I only have one strong willed child!

The great thing is that she sleeps about 20 hours. Atleast one of us does! The problem is that one of those hours is concentrated at around 3:00 am. So I am trying to keep her up as much as possible during the day. One of the hardest things to do. I mean seriously...I am a little boring, but this child nods off at the site of me.

And her father isn't much help. He holds her and tells her how beautiful she is and she dozes off into dream land!

So I am writing down all she does during the day to see if I can make a schedule for her so that she isn't awake at 3:00. So far...she has been awake for about 3 hours today so we'll cross our fingers.

The other issue we are having is that during the day, she sleeps with no problem...but at night...she gets all congested and restless and noisy! I mean...she is asleep but not fully asleep. I don't know. All I know is that she moves and squeaks non stop. At first I was thinking...it's gas. I burp her but it continues. Then I think...it's still gas...so in goes a drop of mylicon. Nothing. She's not hungry so...? Who knows. I put a noise machine on near her basket thinking she needs noise...it kinda works. And then I realized...she is stuffed up. Of course the weather here has been CRAZY...hot then cold, etc. And one little boogie in her nose will clog her up...so I take the blue thing and squeeze as much gook as I can out...she screams...the saline goes in...more screams...and then she is off to sleep. 5 minutes later the squeaking begins.

And whoever said that "rainforest noises" were relaxing was wrong.

So...maybe I can get a quick nap in before the night begins!
For more tackles, click here...
"Father, please give us a good night tonight. Please let my baby girl slepp peacefully and let her rest be sweet. Please let her learn to put herself to sleep. You are so good. In your precious name..."

Saturday, January 3, 2009

From 3 to 4

My goodness it has been a while since I have been on here...But what can I say, we have been a little busy.
On December 21st, my sweet precious baby girl finally arrived!
Emma Gabrielle came into this world at 7 lbs. 10 oz and 18 in. long. She is perfect and beautiful and very sweet and so far a very good baby!
Big Brother is in love and over the moon and has been absolutely wonderful. A huge praise on that point because I was a bit worried as to how he was going to react but he has been awesome.

So here we are adjusting to life as a family of four. We are a little tired but very, very happy and thankful.

I hope to get into a routine this next week and that my blogging will get into that routine as well, because I miss it. But in the meantime, I will leave you with some pics!

"Dear precious Lord, Thank you. What more can I say? I am overwhelmingly greatful and in awe of how good you are. We are so blessed. Thank you Jesus for my perfect baby girl, for her sweet and wonderful big brother and for my amazing husband who has been my greatest helper. I am overwhelmed. In Your name..."

Get the Beauty and the Crazy in your Email

Enter your email address:

Delivered by FeedBurner