Saturday, January 24, 2009

"Once upon a time there was this young mother who almost had a nervous breakdown! She was tired, sick, had a huge tension headache which was not in anyway relieved by the high pitched screams of her 3 week old daughter. And of course, at the moment when she was worn thin, her two and a half year old son desperately needed her attention. She was in great despair and overwhelmed with frustration, guilt and defeat."

That was last Thursday.

The day had started off just ok. Despite all the hand sanitizing, Emma still managed to catch the nasty cold that is going around. Poor baby was super congested and no matter how much I sucked out of her little bitty nose, the mucus was overflowing!

The night had been better than the previous and I was fooled into thinking she was getting better. By mid afternoon, I started to feel the congestion hit.

I picked up Sammy from school and put in a movie for him while I fed Emma.

She had a hard time feeding, she started to was all downhill from there.

From about 2:30 to almost 5 she did not stop crying. Her feeding was all crazified because she would drink a bit and then scream, drink a bit and scream...etc.

I was at my wits end. I had no idea what to do. I kept sucking stuff out and she screamed louder. She was being overdosed with Saline and gripe water.

Then, of course, I was needed by my precious boy. He had left us alone for the most part for the first hour and in he comes..."Momma I want you to watch TV wit me. Pwease mommy?"

And the guilt poured down.

He kept saying, "Pwease mommy, come watch it wit me."

I tried to explain that baby was sick, but he kept saying, "but I want you."

So I lied and said I would be there in one minute.

Tears began to pour down my eyes. I was overwhelmed. I was feeling very sick , my head and body were aching and my precious baby girl would not stop screaming.

I had failed. I wasn't a great mommy. I had put my kid in front of the tv and left him there. I couldn't pacify my baby. I couldn't meet any one's needs. The feeling of confidence that I had days before when I thought, "Hey, I can do two kids. This ain't so bad..." those thought mocked me.

And finally, because I am still learning to give control to God and go to him first instead of fixing it all on my own, I began to pray.

You know the one..."Lord I can't do this, I'm desperate. HELP!!!"

My pathetic plea. And I have to ask myself...when will I ever learn. And as always, My God comes through.

I began to pray. And I desperately said, "Lord, I need help. I need encouragement. I'm being pulled and I can't handle this Lord. I need to know that someone loves me and is praying for me right now."

I'm not kidding you...a moment later my phone rings.

It's my dad.

In my life, my dad is my encourager,my support and mostly my reminder. Whenever things aren't going well or I am starting to doubt, he reminds be strong in the Lord and the power of his might... To wait upon the Lord... That Joy comes in the morning... That he will give me the desires of my heart... That He will supply all my needs... To trust in the Lord with all my heart...

I pick up the phone and immediately start to blubber. I can't do this, I'm so tired, I am failing miserably, etc."

And he says, "Let me see what I can do, stop crying, be strong in the Lord and in the power of his might and I will call you back."

He calls back and says, ok, your mom is going to go over and spend the night so you can rest and feel better.

The baby finally fell asleep. I sat on the couch and watched the movie with my son and my mother came over and I slept all night.

God came through...he heard me, like he always does.

I have the best dad's in the world!

"Father, how many times have I been through this. How many times do I lose hope and strength. So many times I feel like I am failing and that I can't do this and then I am reminded that I can with you alone. You are my strength. I can do all things through You who gives me strength. Father, thank you for showing me how much you love me through the parents you have given me. Thank you for their wisdom and love for you. Please continue to give me strength. In your precious name, Amen."

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

A New Year...

Ok so...we have been up and down this week with various victories and defeats occurring in our household. the end of the day I have made a very conscious decision. A state of mind that I may at times have difficulty sticking with. Nonetheless...I'm going to do my best to stick.

Many of my readers, family and friends know that 2008 was not a good year. I would even go so far as to make a bumper sticker that says, "I HATE 2008," were it not for the precious baby girl that arrived as the most wonderful Christmas gift.

2008 began badly which included a very not so great family vacation, an ear infection and a very bad cold.

It continued on with more familial issues which led to a downfall for me. Anxiety, fear, overwhelming lack of self esteem, anger and resentment and no control over anything.

I fasted and prayed. Got a little better and then got pregnant. Not necessarily planned but I was learning that I couldn't plan everything. I was a bit nervous but excited.

And then came the nausea. I was overwhelmed with guilt that I wasn't paying attention to my son and was a bad wife because I could not do the things that I pride myself on like keeping the house clean or cooking dinner.

I started feeling began to get back to some normalcy. My husband and I had a great get away. And a few weeks later, my husbands beloved grandfather passes. We grieved and mourned.

One month later Ike hit our home and down poured into my son's room.

3 days later, completely unexpectedly and with no warning, my precious grandmother passes. I still can't believe it. Even as I write these words my heart hurts. There are moments where I can't comprehend or...I don't know.

Life was in many ways unbearable. I was living in fear of "what is going to happen next." Nothing was controllable. I couldn't plan for my baby's arrival because the house was disheveled.

Of course, everything got done...almost at the last moment, but it was completed.

So now you see why 2008 was not a fun year.

But just as God promised, he gave me my reward. A precious gift all dimply and sweet. And perfect.

Everything has been perfect. She came at a perfect time, where both daddy and brother were able to bond and get to know baby girl and help me so much as I recovered. Delivery was easy. Recovery was easy. Perfect.

And despite the perfect I have found myself complaining. I am sure they are normal, "I have a newborn" complaints. But honestly, I am getting rather sick of them.

And I finally realized that yes, life is tiring right now, but God...I am so blessed. My baby is healthy and good and beautiful. I can tell she is going to be a sweetheart already. And my son...he is just amazing. He adores her and loves on her and I know he will protect her even when she doesn't want to be protected. And my husband...he loves us so much. He is my helper.

So...I'm done complaining. This year is a new year. And it has begun with such perfection and so many blessing that I am believing that it will completely blot out the last. All I will remember are the good not the hurt.

This year I will rejoice in the Lord always...

"Father thank you for a new day. Thank you that you have blessed me above and beyond. Thank you for the lessons you have taught me so that I will be able to teach them to my children. You are so good. Help me to never forget...In your precious name. Amen."

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Demand Feeding

I am an advocate for putting baby on a schedule asap. Baby girl has been giving me some problems thus far.

First of all she sleeps ALL THE TIME. Except of course around 4 in teh morning when she decides she is going to be all bright eyed! But, we are working on that and I am trying to keep her up as much as possible. Today, for example, she was awake for almost 5 hours. Not bad...we'll see how she fares tonight. The great thing is that she is rather easy going...I mean who isn't when you sleep 20 hours per day. Tonight for example, she was pretty much asleep when I put her down. I went out to fill the humidifier, came back in and her eyes were wide open. She wasn't crying or fussing she just laid there. I left her and she went to sleep. What a good girl!

SO...I am praying that this week we can get on a schedule and if I have to be mean I will be. By that I mean that if I have to wake her up each time by taking her clothes off and putting cold rags on her...I will.

The funny this is that my son doesn't want her on a schedule. He is a demand feeder. Everytime she starts to fuss or cry he comes to me and says..."Mommy, she's hungry. It's time to eat." And I say, " no she just ate a little while ago." "His reply, "I don't think so mommy, she needs to eat."

So we are of two different opinions in this home and I guess we will see who prevails!

"Father, I am so tired. I have forgotten how hard it is to get up every three hours. Help our rest be sweet and peaceful. Help me have wisdom as to know what to do. Help me love on my kids and give them what they need. In your precious name..."

Monday, January 5, 2009

Sleep is so over rated!

As I type this I'm thinking to myself...why am I not sleeping?
Hmmm...Oh yeah, because I have a whole list of things to do that are never ending!

My precious baby girl is wonderful. She is very sweet and rarely ever cries except when she is unswaddled, undressed, changed and cold. As soon as I wrap her up, she's good.

Of course, a two week old is very intelligent and can be rather manipulative.

Last night, for example, we discovered that she loves to be held. In fact, she can sleep in your arms for hours. soon as I lay her come the protests, the screams and the tears. The frustration is mutual.

So we spent a few hours letting her cry a little, then hold her...cry a little...hold her again until she finally gave up.

The good thing is, she wasn't quite as adamant as her big brother was at this age...he didn't give up and would be wet from sweat and tears! So atleast that tells me that I only have one strong willed child!

The great thing is that she sleeps about 20 hours. Atleast one of us does! The problem is that one of those hours is concentrated at around 3:00 am. So I am trying to keep her up as much as possible during the day. One of the hardest things to do. I mean seriously...I am a little boring, but this child nods off at the site of me.

And her father isn't much help. He holds her and tells her how beautiful she is and she dozes off into dream land!

So I am writing down all she does during the day to see if I can make a schedule for her so that she isn't awake at 3:00. So far...she has been awake for about 3 hours today so we'll cross our fingers.

The other issue we are having is that during the day, she sleeps with no problem...but at night...she gets all congested and restless and noisy! I mean...she is asleep but not fully asleep. I don't know. All I know is that she moves and squeaks non stop. At first I was's gas. I burp her but it continues. Then I's still in goes a drop of mylicon. Nothing. She's not hungry so...? Who knows. I put a noise machine on near her basket thinking she needs kinda works. And then I realized...she is stuffed up. Of course the weather here has been then cold, etc. And one little boogie in her nose will clog her I take the blue thing and squeeze as much gook as I can out...she screams...the saline goes in...more screams...and then she is off to sleep. 5 minutes later the squeaking begins.

And whoever said that "rainforest noises" were relaxing was wrong.

So...maybe I can get a quick nap in before the night begins!
For more tackles, click here...
"Father, please give us a good night tonight. Please let my baby girl slepp peacefully and let her rest be sweet. Please let her learn to put herself to sleep. You are so good. In your precious name..."

Saturday, January 3, 2009

From 3 to 4

My goodness it has been a while since I have been on here...But what can I say, we have been a little busy.
On December 21st, my sweet precious baby girl finally arrived!
Emma Gabrielle came into this world at 7 lbs. 10 oz and 18 in. long. She is perfect and beautiful and very sweet and so far a very good baby!
Big Brother is in love and over the moon and has been absolutely wonderful. A huge praise on that point because I was a bit worried as to how he was going to react but he has been awesome.

So here we are adjusting to life as a family of four. We are a little tired but very, very happy and thankful.

I hope to get into a routine this next week and that my blogging will get into that routine as well, because I miss it. But in the meantime, I will leave you with some pics!

"Dear precious Lord, Thank you. What more can I say? I am overwhelmingly greatful and in awe of how good you are. We are so blessed. Thank you Jesus for my perfect baby girl, for her sweet and wonderful big brother and for my amazing husband who has been my greatest helper. I am overwhelmed. In Your name..."

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