"Once upon a time there was this young mother who almost had a nervous breakdown! She was tired, sick, had a huge tension headache which was not in anyway relieved by the high pitched screams of her 3 week old daughter. And of course, at the moment when she was worn thin, her two and a half year old son desperately needed her attention. She was in great despair and overwhelmed with frustration, guilt and defeat."



That was last Thursday.

The day had started off just ok. Despite all the hand sanitizing, Emma still managed to catch the nasty cold that is going around. Poor baby was super congested and no matter how much I sucked out of her little bitty nose, the mucus was overflowing!

The night had been better than the previous and I was fooled into thinking she was getting better. By mid afternoon, I started to feel the congestion hit.

I picked up Sammy from school and put in a movie for him while I fed Emma.

She had a hard time feeding, she started to scream...it was all downhill from there.

From about 2:30 to almost 5 she did not stop crying. Her feeding was all crazified because she would drink a bit and then scream, drink a bit and scream...etc.

I was at my wits end. I had no idea what to do. I kept sucking stuff out and she screamed louder. She was being overdosed with Saline and gripe water.

Then, of course, I was needed by my precious boy. He had left us alone for the most part for the first hour and in he comes..."Momma I want you to watch TV wit me. Pwease mommy?"

And the guilt poured down.

He kept saying, "Pwease mommy, come watch it wit me."

I tried to explain that baby was sick, but he kept saying, "but I want you."

So I lied and said I would be there in one minute.

Tears began to pour down my eyes. I was overwhelmed. I was feeling very sick , my head and body were aching and my precious baby girl would not stop screaming.

I had failed. I wasn't a great mommy. I had put my kid in front of the tv and left him there. I couldn't pacify my baby. I couldn't meet any one's needs. The feeling of confidence that I had days before when I thought, "Hey, I can do two kids. This ain't so bad..." those thought mocked me.

And finally, because I am still learning to give control to God and go to him first instead of fixing it all on my own, I began to pray.

You know the one..."Lord I can't do this, I'm desperate. HELP!!!"

My pathetic plea. And I have to ask myself...when will I ever learn. And as always, My God comes through.

I began to pray. And I desperately said, "Lord, I need help. I need encouragement. I'm being pulled and I can't handle this Lord. I need to know that someone loves me and is praying for me right now."

I'm not kidding you...a moment later my phone rings.

It's my dad.

In my life, my dad is my encourager,my support and mostly my reminder. Whenever things aren't going well or I am starting to doubt, he reminds me...to be strong in the Lord and the power of his might... To wait upon the Lord... That Joy comes in the morning... That he will give me the desires of my heart... That He will supply all my needs... To trust in the Lord with all my heart...

I pick up the phone and immediately start to blubber. I can't do this, I'm so tired, I am failing miserably, etc."

And he says, "Let me see what I can do, stop crying, be strong in the Lord and in the power of his might and I will call you back."

He calls back and says, ok, your mom is going to go over and spend the night so you can rest and feel better.

The baby finally fell asleep. I sat on the couch and watched the movie with my son and my mother came over and I slept all night.

God came through...he heard me, like he always does.

I have the best dad's in the world!

"Father, how many times have I been through this. How many times do I lose hope and strength. So many times I feel like I am failing and that I can't do this and then I am reminded that I can with you alone. You are my strength. I can do all things through You who gives me strength. Father, thank you for showing me how much you love me through the parents you have given me. Thank you for their wisdom and love for you. Please continue to give me strength. In your precious name, Amen."

Change my heart

I reacted.
He hurt me and I threw out my hand.
I wasn't thinking.
I felt dreadful.
Talk about Mommy Dearest.
Before you know it my child is going to write a tell all book about how I neglected him by placing him infront of a TV all day and spanked him.

In my defense it was as close to the cute tushie as possible, but somehow ended up in the lower back area. It wasn't hard, but I was remorseful.

Now let me state here that I am a believer in spanking. We give "Pow-pow" in our home and we are advocates for the cause.

I know lots of books and teaching go against spanking, but I believe a good spanking and no nagging afterwards is a good form of discipline.

No, we do not just "hit." We have a system and spanking is only one form of our disicplining. We give one warning and then explain that he is going to receive "pow-pow." We bring him close, cup our hand and spank. Most times, if I just tap his little rear he will be upset. I then explain that he must obey the first time when he is asked to do or stop doing something.

Most of the time, after a spanking he is upset and so he goes off into a corner or another room with Bie and tete in hand. In a few minutes, sometimes seconds, he comes back and apologizes. "I sowy mom." I tell him it's ok but we need to obey and we need to pray and ask Jesus to change his heart.

Sometimes he says no. He can be very strong willed and is not ready to do things you ask. He eventually will come and sit with me and we pray.

Most of the time, he does it right away.

This time, I forgot the steps, warning and all. As soon as I did so, I got down on his level and quickly apologized and held him.

"Baby, mama was wrong for spanking so fast, but you can not hit mama like that (he had been running around and into the couch and as if a light went off in his head, he came and ran into me. Large head into my hip.) You must be careful when you play. I am sorry that I did not give you a warning but you really hurt mama."

He replies, "is ok mama. Jjus change mamas heart. AAAAmen."

"Dear Lord, change my heart. Keep changing it. Every day. Continuously. Even if I am defiant or being strong willed. Help me to be patient and not lose myself. Help me to forgive as easily as my son forgives. And to forget as he does. Father, grant me the wisdom to raise my child to be a man after your own heart. That you will take his precious prayers and change his heart so that he will grow to be like you. So he will surpass all that I am at a young age."

Montage Monday

Ok, today is a big montage of stuff because this past week has felt like a montage. We have been so busy. TOO busy! So life has passed in a blur and therefore I am going to jump from subject to subject today so...brace yourselves!

We have been over the top busy and I am glad to say this week is over. I promise you that last week we spent two nights at home and it ended with a fun filled weekend that included a baseball game and a wedding.

The game was fun, though we lost. But my beloved and I had a great time hanging out. Little one was with his yaya and pop and so we spent the evening sitting "near" each other while he watched the game and cheered and I talked with my sister-in-law and cheered when everyone else cheered.

Saturday was go, go, go. The best thing about Saturday however is that we slept in till 9:00.

Total bliss.

I had to find a dress for my cousin's wedding and so we did that, then picked up our kid and got him home for a nap. We then got dressed, I got beautified and went on our way.

My son came with us because I had mommy guilt about leaving him with a babysitter again. Remember, we have been busy. So we dressed him up all cutified and took him along.

Of course, though he was great during the ceremony (my husband, being the great man that he is, took my son outside so I could enjoy the ceremony. Though he wasn't acting "two" for the first few minutes, we didn't want to take the chance that he would become one of "those" kids...or worse we would become one of "those" parents!), by the time the reception came around, the guilt had subsided and I wanted to call the sitter and have him taken home.

All in all, we had a nice time.

So...what's on the agenda for Monday? All day PJ's and movies! Maybe this week will get back to normal. I am ready for the monotony!

Now before I move on I want to first thank all of my fellow bloggers and other readers for joining me on this adventure. I have been in this crazy blog world for about two weeks now and I have enjoyed it so much. But, I have a little problem...So many are coming to me and saying, "I love reading your blog," when I had no idea of it all. I love you for reading, but I want to encourage you to Leave A Comment!!! It's easy and I love comments. Apparently, to those of us in the blog world - Comments are like chocolate. Love it, need it, gotta have it! So please, leave a comment, not just today but whenever! And for you other bloggers that I haven't met, I would love for you to leave a comment as well so I can link up to you and expand this crazy worldwide blog thing!

And FINALLY...

As far as the meme from yesterday, here are my 6 truths (if you don't know what I am talking about, scroll down to yesterday's blog!)

I do know how to knit, my husbands sweet little grandmother taught me. Of course I have only knitted one scarf and two pairs of baby booties, but hey! My husband and I were together 8 years before we married. I was 14, he was 16, and we were both crazy! And that is why I completed college in 3 instead of 4 years. I wanted to get married. Graduation was not the goal, a wedding was the goal. My first car was a blue VW beetle ( new one). I did scottish dance/jig in H.S. I know, pretty crazy, but we actually were pretty good...world champions and all (not me, but the band and some dancers were, I just participated in the big show every year). And no, I did not play volleyball in H.S. I tried out, but got cut. First of all, I am not athletically inclined, but mostly, I was 5'2 and could barely reach the net! Can you blame them!

Ok...that's it. I promise something more meaningful tomorrow!

Leave a comment! With Love!