Sunday, April 18, 2010

His Grace is Enough

We have been sick over here. Lots of sick.

And I'm tired. Tired of the sicky.
The kids have been sick. I have been sick.
Luckily I have been sick more than the kids. Which is better than sick kids though not much.

I was finally able to get some medicine and was starting to feel better when all of a girl is sick.


Seriously! Augh!

Sick of being sick!

Here's the thing. I came to a revelation. Enlightenment.

For two years life has times a struggle. Hard. Tiring. CRAZY!

I went through an emotionally difficult pregnancy, house issues from Ike, and the loss of two grandparents.
I walked out of 2008 ready for better. Ready to be not be that sad, depressed girl of the year before. I had a new baby and I was ready for a new me.

But 2009 was...strange...up and down...My husband's job was secure, praise God, but going through lots of changes. Too many changes. Not fun changes. A lot of decisions had to be made. Move or stay. More money, promotion or wait?

We waited because God told us to wait. Wait on Him. Wait for more. Wait.

Waiting is hard. Waiting sometimes.., well it sorta sucks!

2009 passed with little change.

And then, God moved. The waiting was over. The depression of 2008, the tiredness and stress of 2009 were over. God moved.

A new job. A wonderful, more than what we could imagine job came through.

And for the first time in two years I can say that I am 100% me.

I feel stronger,

I think I have grown so much in the past two years.  My faith was tested it failed me...and by it failing it grew by leaps and bounds...more than my faith has ever been in my entire christian walk. I have learned to trust the Lord more. I have become a better wife...a better christ follower. I am careful with my words, I am encouraging, I am not judgemental and not as proud as I use to be.

I'm a better me. And I love it.

All that being said, I haven't really enjoyed this time of sweetness, of this new me, of blessing because...I've been sick.

The enemy thinks he's slick, doesn't he? Everything else is beautiful, but all he has to do is make me physically ill and he thinks he is able to take away that Joy. That Peace. The things I have been patiently waiting on for years now!


I KNOW that no weapon formed against me shall prosper! And I am not going to let this sickness take over my joy and peace that I have been waiting for for so long! NO WAY! I am going to sing and dance and Praise my God despite it all! Because this time is sweet. It is precious. The enemy has taken too much time away and I am not giving him anymore! So if he thinks I am going to fall into that dreary, sad, poor me pit again, he's got another thing coming!

My God is good. He is so Good. He is my healer and my provider. And he is healing me right now. He is healing my kids right now. And we are going to revel in this time. Revel in his blessings.

I am going to enjoy life like never before. I've been to ugly. I was ugly! I will not go back. And if it get scary again. If it gets ugly again, and it can very well get that way because this is the life we live in, then I will face that ugly and scary head on and I will know how fight and how to praise and how to pray and how to have faith and trust that My God is protecting me and fighting for me.

"Father, thank you for this time of sweetness. I have missed it. And it is so good. Help me to revel in it. To enjoy it. To hold on to it. Thank you for this peace and this Joy. It is so precious to me and I am not letting it go. Thank you for the fire Lord. It was hard. It was painful but I have been purified and am more complete. I know I have a lot more to learn and a lot more growing but I am willing and wanting it because it makes me a better me, a better wife, a better mom and a better friend. I love you Lord. In your precious name, Amen."

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