Moving Mountains and other Beautiful Crazy happenings

This week has been a good one for us! It's been spring break over here and it's been fun viewing everyone's happenings on social media this week.

We are a home educating family so we had a mix of school and play. It was also my son's birthday week so we celebrated life all week with parties and family and yummy food. 

This week I blogged about My Story...two crazy teenagers, one great purpose. I will be concluding the end of that story next week with what God finally revealed to me and how it has changed my life.

I also blogged about How God keeps writing and developing our story after our "Happily Ever after," and how He has taken me from empty and drained to full and purposed. 

Isn't God awesome? He can make all things good. Even the hard, sad and empty days are made good because through all of it He is working. He never stops working in your life, even though you may not be able to see His hand or any fruit He is still toiling away. The bible says in Psalms 121:3-5, 

"I lift up my eyes to the mountains—

where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord,

the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip—

he who watches over you will not slumber;

indeed, he who watches over Israel

will neither slumber nor sleep."

I love that verse. It's actually posted inside one of my kitchen cabinets right now so I can meditate on it whenever I open it. 

God see's your mountains...the hills...even the mole hills you make into mountains! 

And He HELPS you! He is your Help! 

He will give you everything you need to climb that mountain. 

This Psalm is called a "Psalm of Ascent." 

I love that...To ascend something is to climb, an upward or rising movement. 

The only way to ascend or rise up is with GOD'S HELP! 

He will prepare you and equip you to climb that mountain. 

He will give you enough faith to tell that mountain to MOVE and it will move! 

I love how David says, He lifts his eyes up to the mountain and wonders basically, how can I climb this without help? 

There are so many mountains and hills and mole hills in our life that when we look at them...

I don't know about you, but I get totally overwhelmed! 

And one of the things I struggle with is being overwhelmed and then paralyzed to move. 

It would be easier to just avoid or be in denial or do it tomorrow!

Ya'll I'm talking about little things...laundry over load. 

Seriously, one of my kids had an accident at night and there is a mountain of sheets I have to wash and 

that is going to mess up my whole schedule! 

I'm facing this mountain of weight loss.

I've sort of plateaued on my journey to health.

 I can't get past these few pounds, it's sort of waning. UGH!

 Let me tell you, it has not been easy to eat well this week with birthday cake calling out to me!

Our schooling has also sort of hit a plateau as well. 

The mountain I face weekly of planning and reading and engaging and projects.

Its hard climbing that mountain and I easily lose my footing or am out of breath!

But He is my Help. He will help me rise up beyond my own fears and failures and issues.

 He won't let my foot slip. 

As you take on the weekend, enjoy your loves, enjoy your time and rest and remember these verses.

He is your help.

He won't let your foot slip.

He doesn't slumber or sleep. 

Those mountains are nothing for Him. He made them and has given you dominion over them! 

Start climbing! Rise up! 

Want a little more encouragement, a good laugh or cry:

Blogs I've Loved this week -

Sally Clarkson at I take Joy wrote on Giving your Home a heart! So good! 

Chrystal Hurst@ Chrystals Chronicles wrote on the beauty issues of women...especially concerning, ahem, hair issues. Hilarious read and so nice to know we are not alone in our quest for...smoothness??? yikes!

Kristen over @We Are That Family had a great resource on sharing the Ressurection with our kids. LOVE it! Go Check it out! Sunday's a comin'!

Struggling, but Rejoicing.

I'm having one of those days....one of those days I use to have back in my pre-postpartm days. One of those days from 2008.

I'm struggling today.
But I'm fighting.
Trying.
Trying to fight.

Maybe it's hormones. Maybe I'm tired and my diet needs to change.

My family has been under a sickness attack and I'm not retreating, but I would really like to hide under a rock!

My little girl had a fever again last night. She feels warm today, but is acting fine so maybe it's over.
My house is a mess and I can't seem to get a hold of it!
My dog for the first timein 7 years, ever in her life...has fleas.
So I feel itchy all over.
And it grosses me out.

And I know it's all going to be taken care of today. Got the medicine, she's going to the groomers, etc. And I know my baby girl is feeling better and is getting better.

I'm just weak today.

But, I'm trying to fight.

I have praise music going and I am about to get out of the house.
And during my quiet time I realized that I have to focus on my kids. Enjoy them and revel in them. Nothing else matters but that.

So that's the plan.

This is the day that the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it.

I WILL Rejoice.

Cast out imagination!

I have been busy preparing for a women's retreat coming up this weekend, plus planning birthday parties for our crazy march! Nonetheless, I missed a week of blogging...oops!

I've been sick. The kids got sick. Yuckiness has been going around but...God is Good! He protects and saves and Oh how he loves us!

I had a bit of a freak out moment last week.

A moment which brought fear and imagination.

I hate those moments.

You know there are times when I think I have come so far. Where I think, "Look at me God, I have this fear thing under control...I have broken those chains. I am good. "

"I" am none of those things! The God in me can do all things, but lil' ol' me needs HIM to help me fight those fears!

So last week I was putting the kids to bed and I got this massive headache. All of a sudden. Super pain. My neck was hurting and my head was almost tender to the touch. But it wasn't like a tension headache or "if this kid doesnt stop yelling I am going to throw something at him" kind of headache.

It was different.

So I was sorta massaging my neck when I feel it.

This bump.

Small, but not so small. Tender, no, painful to to the touch. Right behind my ear.

Fear gripped me.

I felt the other side and nope, there was definitely something uneven on my head.

My dad came over to watch my kids the next afternoon.

My dad is my doctor, he is my go to for all medical advice and it is a blessing to have him on call all the time! He's very smart and a good surgeon and I trust him. But the problem is I can read him pretty well. And there is a big difference between my father the hero and my father the doctor.

My father the hero; he's sweet and kind and fun loving and sometimes a goofball.
My father the doctor is medical jargon, chart reading, advice giving, and serious.

When I asked my dad about this thing on my head...and when he took a look at it and examined it...he quickly became my father the doctor.

He started asking me what my symptoms were and all kinds of mediciny questions.

FREAK OUT!

Of course he quickly turned back into my father, the hero and said it was probably nothing, just a swollen lymph node, no big deal.

But my imagination...my struggle with fear...yeah, it took over.

That bump. Yeah it was a swollen lymph node, just like my father the doctor had said. And yeah, I have been sick the last few days and my body was probably doing what it was suppose to do to fight out whatever disease was in me.

The bump is almost gone. It no longer hurts.

And I was so mad at myself. Because, I seriously had a mini meltdown. Everything bad and imaginable came into my head. And I tried to fight it, but not the way I know how...not the way God had been teaching me how.

Instead of praying over myself, confessing truths, I cowered in fear.

I even googled!

Feeding my fear instead of feeding my faith.

I have come so far, but I still have so much to grow.

"Father I thank you for a dad who has taught me what great faith is despite his medicine knowledge. I thank you for a mother who pulls me out of my imagination and reassures my faith. Forgive me for my doubt Lord. For my fear. For my lack of trust that you keep me in the palm of your hand. Continue to test my faith so that I will grow and be able to show my children who you are and who I am in you. To show them the power of faith. In your precious name, Amen."

Likable me...

I had one of those days...no more like one of those weeks.

One of my struggles, one of my many struggles, is my desire to be liked. I want people to like me. I care about what people think about me. So much so that at times I will pretend or be what I think others want me to be.

Writing this, I feel very pathetic. But...it's truth. Crazy truth.

I became very aware of this and how wrong it is this past winter. It was one of the main things God was shaking, no, burning out of my life. And though I can rejoice and say I don't struggle with this as much, nor do I find myself pretending as much, like most, I sometimes fall into this hole.

I had my feelings hurt this past week. Perhaps it was not intentional, perhaps no one noticed, perhaps I took it all wrong. Either way I was hurting. And instead of going to God and saying help me with this, I put a couple of bricks on my walls of anger and resentment and bitterness. The bricks God and I had worked so hard at breaking, I quickly rebuilt.

And of course I became vulnerable. Vulnerable to attacks, vulnerable to my own mind and imagination. I went along, but my head tormented me. Immediately thoughts of low self esteem, envy and unworthiness plagued me.

I prayed, but my prayers weren't prayers of battle, but prayers of pity. "Lord, I thought we were done. Please take this away. Why do I feel this way. Why am I thinking this way..."

I needed to battle my mind, but I had left my armor. My guard was down. I retreated.

I was invited to go to the zoo with some great friends. Friends who I know love me and who I love dearly. Friends who would never think or do anything to hurt me. Friends I trust and who know me very well.

I was all for it. A day at the Zoo. Crazy kid loves the zoo.

But then my mind entrapped me. I began to cower. And instead of telling my head to shut up, I listened and retreated.

I said I wasn't going to go after all, I didn't want to bear the heat.

Yes, that was partly true. I hate being hot and that is one of the downfalls of being pregnant. But mostly...I didn't want to pretend. I didn't want to battle my mind the whole time. I didn't want to question everything I said or did. I didn't want to wonder what others thought.

I figured it would be better to be alone and deal with my head alone. Then of course, lonliness sets in very fast.

I should have gone. We would have had a great time. Sure I kept myself busy and I told myself it would have been too hot and I had other things to do but...truth hurts.

I let my mind win. I was the coward and I retreated.

I cried out to God. I filled my mind with his words and not my own. Finally.

Why couldn't I have done that in the first place. How much more and how many more times must I learn this again?

Why do I need to have others like me so much? Am I really that needy? Is this a real need or a void or simply a vulnerable piece of me when I have such feelings? I don't know.

Do I need people to show me they care or is it just when I feel this way? I was always taught not to be needy...but maybe I am, I'm just really good at pretending I'm not. So good I convince myself. I don't know.

Maybe I need to keep working on filling that need with Christ.

"Father, you know me. You know the number of hairs on my head. You know my weakness. I know all that matters is what You think of me and how I glorify you...but I need to keep telling my head that. My greatest desire is to need nothing but You...but I struggle with that. My flesh wants to be wanted, needed, liked. Why Lord? Father purify me of this selfish desire. Continue to mold me. Continue to cleanse me until I am your reflection. Remind me that I am worth far more than rubies and that you want me, you need me for your glory and you love me. Thank you Father for bringing me to my knees and reminding me that I am nothing without you. In your precious name, Amen."

Confession

I have had very few quite times lately.

In fact, to be honest, the last time I had a quiet time was ummm...three weeks ago.

Pretty bad.

Let me list my excuses, because I have a few and it will make me feel better...

1. I'm tired.
2. I'm exhausted.
3. I'm growing a person.
4. My crazy kid is waking up around 6 everyday.
5. I'm nauseous.
6. I have very little energy. Like super little. Pint size. Munchkin little. (you get the picture).

Ok, yeah so those excuses pretty much stink but...I'm so tired!

The thing about it is that not only do I feel bad about it, but I know that my lack of reading and praying result my lack of patience and strength and of course my being open to mind attacks that say, "you're a bad mom," "you are neglecting your family," "how are you gonna deal with two if you can barely handle the one."

And though I fight those thoughts out, my heart hurts.

There's a twinge. Guilt. Sadness.

I hate that.

And what's worse, despite the fact that I have had very little communication with God other than, "God I'm tired," "God give me energy," "God make the nausea go away, PUHLEASE!!!" He is still so full of grace and mercy.

Crazy kid is two. He is strong willed and many times defiant. He is a charmer and hilarious at the same time. He throws fits, he likes having his way, he wants what he wants and he wants it NOW!

Since being pregnant, he has for the most part, held off on the tantrums. He really has been an angel. He has been so good and sweet and patient.

He has become all that I lack right now. Oh my.

He rarely complains about playing by himself. He doesn't mind me laying on the couch for a few hours as he watches TV. He hugs and kisses and even prays for me - "Jejus, help mommy's tummy. It hurts. Amen."

God why are you so good to me? It's not fair. I don't deserve that kind of love.

I'll be in my second trimester in about two weeks...

"Lord I'm hoping for a boost of energy at that time. I'm hoping for revitalization and strength. I'm asking lord for these next few months to be blessed and filled with fun and laughter. Thank you for your mercy and grace and for the precious child you have blessed me with and the other one you are working on. I trust that through all this not only are you teaching me, but you are teaching him and molding him to be a great big brother. You are so good to me."

For more stuff to tackle,, click here.

It's Not Easy being Green

The nausea has begun.

It comes in waves.

It's not morning sickness...it's all day long sickness.

I haven't puked at all only because I refuse to do so. I don't like throwing up and rarely have in my life. I just lie down and wait for the feeling to pass. Unfortunately, the waves are close together.

And I'm tired.

The only consoling I have is that I wasn't sick with #1 at all so I'm hoping my being sick means it's a girl. Those of you out there saying "my pregnancies were totally different and I had all boys," no offense, but I don't want to hear it.

So...in the words of Kermit the Frog, "It's not easy being Green."

Lord, please give me energy. Please help me to feel better and have control over this nausea. Lord I know so many say being sick is a part of being pregnant, but your word says that "by His stripes I am healed," so God, heal me. Take it away; not for my sake father, but for the sake of my son. I want these last nine months of he and I to be fun and full of energy and lessons. I don't want to be tired adn dragging or nauseated and sick. I know he won't remember either way, but I will. You have blessed me so much with the opportunity to be at home these past two years and I want to treasure every moment.