Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Failure to Launch and What God is Calling Me to



I was planning to launch Beautiful Craziness today to its own domain and customized website. 

I've been so excited and over the moon about this and of course, in my own crazy way I have placed a lot of pressure on myself to get it all ready and perfect.

It was honestly stressing me out some, but I was mostly really nervous and, even a little scared to launch. You know...scared of the 'what if's' and 'what am I getting myself into' and 'can I really do this' and 'what do I have to offer' and 'where is this going to go' and 'what if this goes further than I imagine' and 'what if it doesn't?'

I confided to my husband about my feelings and because He is my greatest helper, he took away my crazy load in one statement. He said, "No one is pressuring you or expecting any more from you than what you have already been doing. Launch when you want to ...do this how you want to and don't worry so much about everything else."

And with that, everything seemed more clear.

You see, I've planned giveaways and blog posts and series. I've thought of one day advertising and  writing eBooks and newsletters. I've dreamed big. And that freaks me out!

All my "success," all the kind words and encouragement started to make my goals and desires sort of fuzzy. This new website came by Gods grace and His divine appointment and through it all I sort of lost my sole reason for having this blog o' mine.

I wasn't being prideful, at least I hope not, I was simply missing the point.

If you are a blogger, you understand the vast amount of time posting and getting readers takes. You don't just write; you edit, you take or find pics and edit those, you join link ups, you read other blogs...it takes a lot of work, to say the least.

Add all that to my daily life of motherhood and wifedom and it is a full plate!

By the grace of God He has spoken to me and through me unlike any way I have ever experienced and He has allowed the words I write to come almost second nature. What astounds me the most is that God has allowed my writing to grow in ways that completely overwhelms me and, I hope you hear my sincerity when I say that all of this is God and none of it is me. None of it.

For 4 years or so I have been nothing but mom and wife. I did not do much of anything that encompassed me or my gifts or callings. I fell into this pit of despair and sadness because I had lost who I was and the uniqueness of who God made me.

I knew God was telling me to pick up this blog and start again. I knew He was telling me to not worry about anyone else's opinions, but to write for Him alone. And so I did. I surrendered this blog and my writing to Him, despite my fear of what others may think about the sometimes personal nature of my posts. And He made this thing fly and opened doors and has given me wonderful opportunities.

I give Him all the glory and I try to daily surrender this whole crazy venture to Him, yet...all of a sudden I felt pressure.

I started to think outside of Him. I started to feel pressure and then fear and insecurities soon loomed around me. 

God didn't put any of this pressure or fear on me. I don't know where He is going to take this or what He is planning; and though I believe with all my heart that He has a purpose and a reason for all things, in my usual fashion I slowly started to take over and get ahead of Him and plan and formulate on my own.

If I write on this day and post at this time and add this link, then I will get these results...

Hear me out...God is a god of order and He definitely likes plans; He made the world in seven days and planned it to perfection.

My formulas, however, will not produce, perfect, God like results.
  
If I've learned anything this year of surrender, it is that living by a formula is dangerous; the equation is always off and the given reaction can never be expected.

So all that to say, I won't be launching this week. 

This will be my last post on blogger and I will soon be at my new domain...but I don't know when yet. I'm hoping and praying for next week, but I'm gonna let my plan go and lean on and abide in God and refocus and pray over all these things.

At the end of the day, I want what He desires for me and this blog. I love what Ann Voskamp writes here and I believe her words set the tone and the truth for what I believe God is calling me to.

"Let me post for Thee or be put aside for Thee, 
Lifted high, only for Thee, or brought low, all for Thee. 
Do with me and each post whatever you will, because You alone know best. 

Let me not strive but submit 
Let me not compete but care 
Let me not desire hits but holiness 
Let me be a follower, instead of seeking followers. 

Let my blog be full of Thee, and let it be empty of me. 
Let me crave all things of Thee, let me care nothing of this world. 
Let my words be worthy of the greatest of audiences: You. 
And You are enough."
You can read the entire Bloggers Prayer Here. 


He is my audience. Nothing else matters. I want to be an upside down blogger and not worry about who's reading or how many hits a post gets.

I want to be consumed by his purpose and His will for me. 

Thank you for reading, for subscribing, for following and for encouraging. The fact that you come back humbles me to no end. We serve such a good God and I am blessed to walk this journey of being His devoted follower with you.

My next post will be at my new site!
Blessings to you all.


You are HIS Beloved,



Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Seasons, Callings and Open Doors


Today I am writing over at 5 Minutes for Faith. 
I am a wife. A mom. A home educator.
I like to sew and ‘pretend’ to be crafty. I’ve painted furniture, made wreaths…I have two pallets in the garage waiting to be repurposed.
I sing. Not just in my car…I can sing. I’m not awesome…I have a good church voice.
I like to write on this little corner of the internet all my crazy, beautiful thoughts and life happenings.
I share my heart with women in my small group.
I love to read. I take bubble baths.
All these things encompass who I am.
But the first three…being wife, mom and home educator: those are my callings right now...come join me over at 5 Minutes for Faith. Read more Here. 

You are His Beloved, 

Monday, August 25, 2014

How Dare You Judge my Calling


School starts in our area this week. On my news feeds there will be tons of sweet pics of kiddies going to school. Some will be in new clothes heading off to public school. Others will be in cute uniforms heading to private school. Some will be heading to their dining rooms for homeschooling and others will be in co-ops around town.


A few years ago God called us to homeschool: something I never intended to do or ever gave any thought to! But, nonetheless, we were called and we obeyed and we have loved this calling!

We don’t have to look further than Facebook to see so many opinions and judgments across the board about how we should educate our children. Some of the opinions of others are hurtful and so full of judgment.

There are so many throwing daggers and it makes me sad.

There are many who constantly put down homeschoolers and then there are the homeschooling families that tear down those who choose to send their kids to public school! And it’s just ugly and wrong across the board.

So many are judging and in essence, comparing themselves and their choices to others.

God has called each of us to different paths and just because I have been called to stay at home with my children and educate them here at home does not make me crazy or better or holier!

I was called to motherhood by His grace and love.
I was called to stay at home with my children, which was such a great desire of my heart and something I had prayed for as far as I can remember.
I was called to homeschool our children. I didn’t pray for that one! But I am in awe that He would allow me to do so.

None of these callings make me better or greater.
I am not proud of any of these callings because honestly, I didn't choose them. I was called to them and I am blessed to be able to walk in such callings.
I’m especially not proud of these callings because honestly, I’m not good at any of them.

I wanted to be a mom and stay home, but I never knew how unbelievably hard it would be. I didn’t know how tiring and lonely and tiring and crazy and tiring it would be!

I love homeschooling, but it too is so hard and tiring and it pulls me in crazy ways that I was not prepared for at all.

Motherhood is hard no matter how He has called you to walk this journey.

Going to work and being away from your kids for so many hours is hard.

Building relationships with your kids and finding time to be intentional with them when they have been at school for eight hours is hard.

Taking your kids to school and trusting that they are safe and cared for while they are away from you…that’s hard.

Coming home after work to clean and cook and do homework and trying to spend time with your kids is hard.

Having your kids with you all day long and praying you are doing a good job teaching them is hard.

Trying to figure out school and life and mixing the two is hard.


IT’S ALL HARD. Every decision. Every part of this journey, no matter what you are called to is gonna be hard. Of course there are positives and negatives to every choice. There are easy and difficult aspects to all of it, but over all, the journey is long and sometimes arduous and the last thing we need is for someone who isn’t walking our walk to judge and condemn us!

I truly believe that God calls each of us to do this mothering thing differently; not just for our children’s sake, but mostly for our own sakes.

Why does God call us to so many different paths?

1. In each of our callings there is vulnerability and we must learn to depend on Him rather than ourselves.

2. In each calling He is teaching us and growing us.

3. He desires that we surrender to Him daily and seek him daily for more of him so we can walk out these callings relying completely on Him alone. He has given us the grace and mercy and strength to carry all He has called you to, to completion.

4. He is teaching you that HE makes you enough for whatever He calls you to. The gifts He has given you are exactly what He needs of you in all your callings. No one else will do for what He has planned and purposed you to do.  

Who are we to judge and compare each others callings? How dare we be so bold and audacious to say what we do is better or braver or harder?

God didn’t call me to walk your walk. He didn’t call me to raise your kids or care for your husband or build your home. He called me to my kids, my husband and my home. My walk is nothing like yours and my calling is not like your calling, so how can I compare them? How can I look down on what God has called you to?

I was not called to place my children in public school in this season.
I was not called to work outside the home in this season.
He doesn’t need me in those places right now.
He has called me to be home.

And it’s hard. And I love it. And it brings me to my knees. And it overwhelms me. And it makes me dependent on him. And it makes me vulnerable. And we thrive because He is blessing our faithfulness to His calling upon our lives.

I struggle with these callings…I do. It’s not easy to homeschool my kids. I think about putting them in school often because I’m afraid that I’m not good enough and because it takes so much of me; but, it makes me press into him and depend on Him in ways that I’m not sure I would if they were in school.

He knows what I need to rely on Him and He will call me to those things because ultimately, He desires that I am completely devoted to him. That’s why He calls me to motherhood, to working at home and to homeschooling and that is why He calls you to your callings.

He may have called you to raise strong willed children. He may have called you to raise timid children. He may have called you to raise an autistic child or a child with special needs. He may have called you to raise a child who has a strong temper. He may have called you to place your child in public school. He may have called you to be a teacher’s aid or PTA President. He may have called you to teach other children that are not your own. He may have called you to a school that needs your gifts and talents. He may have called your child to have a teacher this year who is difficult and unkind. He may have called you to homeschool.

He has called you for a reason and for certain seasons and it’s not for you to boast.
He calls you so that you can depend on Him, trust Him and lean upon Him.   

I urge you friends, let us stop comparing and judging each other, but instead let’s build each other up, encouraging one another to fulfill each of the callings in our lives. There is solidarity in the calling of motherhood, so let us stand firm and hold each other up as we walk this journey together and by doing so, may we raise a generation that is stronger and more devoted to God.  



You are His Beloved, 

Friday, August 22, 2014

Prayers and Printables for the First day of School



No matter how old I get there is something exciting about Back to School!

I think in our minds eye we feel the approaching of fall (despite the 100 degree temps!), we smell the scent of lysol and new crayons and Elmer's glue and we can hear the sharpening of bright yellow pencils! 

Perhaps its our desire for structure and routine that we miss so much at the end of summer. Nonetheless, the long days of summer are about to end and the shuffling of papers and school work are approaching. 

We homeschool our children, yet they anticipate the first day of school in many of the same ways. They have new pencil cases and crayons, a new school outfit, pencils needing to be sharpened, new notebooks to doodle on and lots of new books to look through in anticipation of all that they will learn during the year. 

I love it! Maybe it's the teacher in me...Maybe it's the love of learning new things! 


And whether we homeschool or send our kids to public or private school...at the end of the day, the emotions are all the same. The anticipation, the worry, the fears, the hope and dreams are all the same on the first day of school. Whether you are teaching or overseeing; whether you are waving good bye at a bus stop or dropping them off in carpool. Whether you gather your kids together around the dining room table or send them off one by one...no matter what our choice for education is, each of us are doing what we hope and pray is best for our kids and nothing else matters.

Raising children is hard. Choosing their education is hard. Figuring out what curriculum and which classes they should take and hoping for a great teacher that will love them and hoping that you, as their teacher aren't messing them up...that's all scary and uncertain! 

We have all been called to do a very important and significant task: to raise intelligent, loving children who have the potential to become intelligent and loving world changers and kingdom chasers. No matter what road God has called you to walk with your children, be that homeschooling, private or public schooling, each of our walks are unlike any other, and so, we must surrender every aspect of our children's lives to God, their Father, and ask Him for guidance and wisdom to do our best in whatever journey He has called us to. 

This is what I am praying for during this school year for all of us parents, our students and every teacher.  

  •  I am praying for the fruits of the spirit to abound in every parent, student and teacher. 
For love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. As a mom and as a teacher to my little brood...I desperately need all of those! How wonderful would it be if our schools and families would walk in each of those fruits throughout the year!
  • I am praying for Light to outshine the darkness. 
That those who represent the light of the world will shine so bright that the lights will penetrate the corners and crevices of darkness and that this year there will be a source of light that will prevail above whatever comes against it.
  • I am praying for the Gospel message of hope to be poured out for every ear that is willing to hear. 
We are living in difficult times, but we serve a good God and my prayer is that my family and yours will be the voice of hope crying out in the wilderness to all those who are desperate to hear its message.


Friends, its time for us to come together, without judgement or pride, and fall on our knees in prayer for our children, our community leaders and our world. We must fall on our knees daily and pray for Christ's love to abound wherever we go, so that our lives will pierce the heart of darkness that is infiltrating our world. 

If our calling is to raise kingdom chasers, we must first start that chase and not stop running until our feet are worn from bringing the good news to all people. 


May this be our BEST year yet! 


I am praying for all your sweet families, dear friends. And with all that, I want to bless you with some free Back to School Printables!!! 

So...For the 2014-2015 School Year, here are some super fun Chalkboard Prints you can download because School Rocks! Because it isn't the first day of school without first day of school pics! I love seeing everyones pics of their sweet babes in their new clothes with their grade signs! So here you are...some cute signs ready to Print and go! Love it! Plus, its such a great way to see how much your kids have grown through the years...makes this momma hurt some too! Here's a peek and I have all grades included! 








Also, for you homeschool mama's, I added an "Our School Rules" Printable! 



And for all of us, even though I know many of us are ready for the crazy summer days to end and the sometimes crazier, though more routine days of school to begin...here is a fun "Days Until Summer Vacation" Printable! 





Click here for the Grade/Rules Printables (its a larger file so opening may take a minute) and Here for the Days until Summer Printable (I plan to laminate this one so I can write/erase the number daily!) Enjoy! 


You are His Beloved, 


Don't miss a post! 

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Pride, Control and the Desire for a Refined Confidence.

I'm writing over at My Freshly Brewed Life today about having refined confidence...not pride, but real confidence that is perfected by the God of all creation. Come and join me! 


I use to have confidence.
Confidence in which I could walk into a room, lift my head and be proud of who I was. Confidence in the things I did. I was good at school. I had my life planned out at an early age. I knew what I wanted and I knew what I needed to do to get it.
Confidence: “a feeling or consciousness of one's powers or of reliance on one's circumstances” (Merriam-Webster).
Through the years the confidence has waned. That girl who was self-reliant and so sure of herself has flittered away some (and I believe she took her waist size with her!)
Maybe it never really was confidence. Maybe it was pride.
A lot of it was pride...to continue reading click here.

You are His Beloved, 


Lots of Good Change is coming to Beautiful Craziness!
Don't miss out! 

Monday, August 18, 2014

Good Change is Coming!


I am so excited to let you know about some of the great things that are happening over here at Beautiful Craziness! 

Summer is almost over...school is about to resume in a few weeks and once we all get into a nice routine Beautiful Craziness will be launching on its own domain! WOOHOO!!!!

I am so excited about this! God has opened some awesome doors and brought about some divine appointments and I am in awe of all He has done so far in this beautiful, crazy venture! 

I'll be posting a few more times from blogger, but will be changing over officially on September 8th! And with the launch of the new site I am going to have a ton of giveaways, a new series on Being a Generational Christian and lots more! 

My prayer is that the site will be more user friendly and will just bring so much glory to God! 

I promise, you are going to love it!

Don't miss out and SUBSCRIBE today!!! 
And be sure to Like the Beautiful Craziness Facebook page too! 
It's gonna be crazy and beautiful and oh so good! You don't want to miss it! 



You are His Beloved, 





Monday, August 11, 2014

The Hope of my World and Prayer for the Saints



I woke up this morning to a night of disturbing dreams.

In my dream my family and I were confined in our home that wasn't our home. We huddled together quietly in a corner, hiding from something or someone. It was like a scene from The Pianist or Schindler’s List. It was quiet, and we weren't doing much of anything, but there was fear all around.

My husband made his way to the window to look out…I woke up.

It was about 4 o'clock in the morning. I could see the fan over our bed and hear the soft snoring of my husband next to me. I put my hand on his back and steadied my breathing.

It was a dream. It was just a nightmare.
My children were safe, upstairs in their beds. Our home was perfect and warm and nothing stirred outside, for in my world, all were still sleeping on this summer night.

I fell back to sleep, praying for rest and peace.

In another room I huddle my children close to me. Covering them in prayers and holding them tightly. I was overcome with fear, yet an unspeakable sense of peace.

I didn't know where my husband was.

I knew there was a foreboding and terror in our midst of this nightmare.

All of a sudden, my children were taken away and I was being held.
I was praying and I saw each of their faces flash before me.

I woke up.

It was morning.

My husband was in the shower getting ready for a regular Monday. My son was watching PBS on TV and the baby had toddled down and sat next to her brother with her thumb in her mouth and blanket over her little legs.

For a minute, in my dreams, the persecution was real in my life.
It was terrifying.
I still feel that terror in the pit of my stomach.

In my world, I have no idea what persecution looks like.
In my world, I am safe and don’t worry about terror or my children being stolen from me or my husband being murdered in front of me.
In my world, our life will likely continue in this way because I just happen to have been born in the land of the free.

There are so many right now who are living my nightmare.
I see their faces and their terror and I cry for them and hurt and am praying for them and I think, ‘Oh my God I don’t know what is happening to this world?’

In my world, I am safe, my children are safe, and my husband is safe.
In my world, we worry about dinner and chauffeuring the kids and being intentional with our lives and marriages.
In my world, I worry about curriculum choices and whether or not my kids are too spoiled.

In my world, I don’t worry about persecution or going to church or praying 
or reading my bible.
In my world, I don’t think about others not having bibles or being able to go to church.
In my world, I have a bible for every room and access to more translations on every ipad and smartphone and computer in the house.
In my world, I can break bread with friends and encourage other believers without fear of being jailed or caught.

Outside of my world there is that world.
That world of fear.
That world of persecution.
That world of terror.
That world of not having enough or anything.
That world of the unsafe.

It’s all around my world.

In the south mothers are sacrificing their children to terrorizing trains in hope of this American dream that is depicted over screens across the world.
In the east, mothers are carrying their dead children as they run away from their homes through deserts in search for hope and salvation.

When I was a girl I didn’t ever do anything un-safe. My brother would try anything and he would come home with bumps and bruise and scrapes and scars.
Not me.
I have one scar on my leg…from shaving. That’s it.
I did not put myself in harms way ever.
I like safe.
I like my world.

I’m scared of that world.
I wish I could pretend that world didn't exist.
I wish I could ignore that world.
And I have tried my best to do so.
I don’t watch the news and I have no news feeds on my Facebook or twitter.
But I can’t get away from that world.
That world is real and it cries out to me.
That world haunts my dreams.

It cries out for prayer. Deep, meaningful, gut wrenching prayer.
It cries out for Jesus. Our savior. Our hope. Our deliverer.

In my dreams I see the faces of children scared and hungry and dying in the desert.
In my dreams I see the bodies of families being laid down one by one, lifeless and gone.

So today I’m praying.
I’m praying for my world. The Whole world.
I’m praying for those cries of the saints that are perfuming the altar of God right now.
I’m praying for the tears of the saints that are pouring over their dead and dying children knowing that God will wipe away all their tears 
and there will be no more death or sorrow or pain.
I’m praying for the fear.
I’m praying for the innocent.
I’m praying for those of us watching and praying and wondering what can that world possibly be like and would we be brave enough to stand in the face of persecution.
I’m praying for those of us watching and praying for courage no matter where we find ourselves today.
I’m praying for deliverance.

I am reminded of Rich Mullins song of long ago…

"My Deliver is coming – My Deliver is standing by
He will never break his promise- He has written it upon the sky.
My Deliverer is coming- my Deliver is standing by…
I will never doubt His promise though I doubt my heart, I doubt my eyes
My Deliverer is coming – My Deliver is standing by
He will never break His promise
Though the stars should break faith with the sky.
My Deliverer is coming- my Deliver is standing by…

And I will remain in the hope that one day ‘Every knee shall bow and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is LORD (Romans 14:11)."

Pray with me today for the world.
Pray with me for the mothers and the cries in the desert.
Pray with me.  



You are His Beloved, 


Don't miss a post! 

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