Thursday, April 16, 2009

Strong and Courageous

We have been on a losing front for a while now.

When crazy kid was born he was a sucker. If you are picturing a lollipop atop of his little body, that is not what I am talking about. He was a pacifier or what we call "tete" sucker. From the moment he came out he latched on to me with no problems whatsoever and due to much protest from his milk suppliers I gave him a tete and he went to town.

He loved it from day one. There was no confusion. His tete was his comfort.

It's been a long road. There were hours when one could not be located and I would pray, "Lord there has to be one around here somewhere, help me find it PLEASE!" A few car rides where we forgot it and the tears poured out. Nap time could not go without it.

After a while he preferred blue ones only, because apparently the green one just didn't cut it so we threw out all the various colors and kept only blue.

He would have one in his mouth, find another and test each, then decide which one was best. I don't know why. Maybe one still had peanut butter lingering on it or something. He would even make "mmmmm" sounds as he sucked away.

So, when he turned three we told him that the tete had to go away. And he cried, "I want it, I love it, please no!"

We tried to bargain with toys, candy, a horse...nothing.

So we kinda wimped out and gave in to his addiction. Besides we were going out of town and thought it would be best to let him keep it until after we returned.

But today was a fateful day. Today was the end all day. Today, fate intervened.

He has been down to one last tete (actually two but he doesn't know that). And for the last two weeks I have been telling him that this is his last one and if it breaks or gets lost there aren't anymore. We can't buy any because they only sell them to babies.

This morning he was upset and being rather disobedient. He wanted my attention and was rather upset. He had to go potty and he was standing over the toilet crying when PLOP...down drops the tete into the toilet.

Opportune moment.

"It is now gone. The toilet drank it. It has pee pee on it and is very yucky, we can't put that in our mouth anymore. You know that is your last one. I'm sorry bud, all the tetes are gone."

He was so sad. It BROKE my heart. He was genuinely grieving. Big tears pouring from his big brown eyes rolling down his syrup stained face.

He calls his dad and begins to tell him what happened and tears well up in his eyes and he can't get through it.

I hug and love on him and tell him it's ok that he needs to be brave and everything will be ok. Then I encourage him to talk to Jesus and tell him how he feels. He nuzzles into me and says, "Jesus I am so sad. I want my tete. Help me be brave."

He has been very brave all day.

"Father thank you for my sweet, precious boy. He is such a joy to me. God I am sad that this baby boy is getting so big. It hurts my heart to see that he really isn't a baby anymore, no matter how much I want him to be. He doesn't even have a baby tummy anymore God. Lord, thank you for allowing me to learn bravery from my boy. Thank you that he trusts you already and that he is learning to give it all to you knowing that you will give him courage and strength. Thank you father. In your precious name, Amen."


ruth said...

my heart is breaking.....
love, Yaya

Vintage Dutch Girl said...

Awww, what a sweetie! Makes me wanna hug him :)

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