Change my heart

I reacted.
He hurt me and I threw out my hand.
I wasn't thinking.
I felt dreadful.
Talk about Mommy Dearest.
Before you know it my child is going to write a tell all book about how I neglected him by placing him infront of a TV all day and spanked him.

In my defense it was as close to the cute tushie as possible, but somehow ended up in the lower back area. It wasn't hard, but I was remorseful.

Now let me state here that I am a believer in spanking. We give "Pow-pow" in our home and we are advocates for the cause.

I know lots of books and teaching go against spanking, but I believe a good spanking and no nagging afterwards is a good form of discipline.

No, we do not just "hit." We have a system and spanking is only one form of our disicplining. We give one warning and then explain that he is going to receive "pow-pow." We bring him close, cup our hand and spank. Most times, if I just tap his little rear he will be upset. I then explain that he must obey the first time when he is asked to do or stop doing something.

Most of the time, after a spanking he is upset and so he goes off into a corner or another room with Bie and tete in hand. In a few minutes, sometimes seconds, he comes back and apologizes. "I sowy mom." I tell him it's ok but we need to obey and we need to pray and ask Jesus to change his heart.

Sometimes he says no. He can be very strong willed and is not ready to do things you ask. He eventually will come and sit with me and we pray.

Most of the time, he does it right away.

This time, I forgot the steps, warning and all. As soon as I did so, I got down on his level and quickly apologized and held him.

"Baby, mama was wrong for spanking so fast, but you can not hit mama like that (he had been running around and into the couch and as if a light went off in his head, he came and ran into me. Large head into my hip.) You must be careful when you play. I am sorry that I did not give you a warning but you really hurt mama."

He replies, "is ok mama. Jjus change mamas heart. AAAAmen."

"Dear Lord, change my heart. Keep changing it. Every day. Continuously. Even if I am defiant or being strong willed. Help me to be patient and not lose myself. Help me to forgive as easily as my son forgives. And to forget as he does. Father, grant me the wisdom to raise my child to be a man after your own heart. That you will take his precious prayers and change his heart so that he will grow to be like you. So he will surpass all that I am at a young age."