Wednesday, April 23, 2008

One of those days

I had one of those days. It was horrible. It was stressful. It was long.

Friends say it's a phase. I'm ready for it to end. I've had enough thank you very much!

It started this morning and did not subside.

My son is two. They say that year is suppose to be "terrible." Well, we've been in it for one month and if it lasts an entire year, I don't think I'm gonna make it. (Some keep telling me three is worse...I'm praying my kid is just advanced.)

Doors are slamming, screams are resounding, there is kicking and hitting, falling on the floor in anger and frustration, beating the Berber carpet with a fist, calling out for anyone to take it away...and the little monster is worse.

I have found that putting him in his room and shutting the door during his tirades works a little. At least it mutes him some, if anything else. He is doing this new thing, where he throws himself back onto the floor ( how he doesn't get a concussion is beyond me) and almost convulses in rage. His whole body shakes and it looks like his whole body is coming off the ground. All the while he is screaming. I'm talking blood curling, clench your face till it hurts screams. You think someone was beating him.

In then end, we both are crying, we both calm down and try to get back to normal. Ten minutes later, it happens again.

So...that was my day.

So my "Works for you Wednesday" is a bit turned around.

There are so many amazing moms out there and I know you have been in my shoes. I know you read this and are smiling and nodding your head thanking God that you are past that "phase." You may be thinking, yeah, that phase is hard, but wait till he gets to be 8 or 14 or 22!My question to you is, Do you want to trade for a day?!?

So I want to know...What works for you? I need serious help! I feel totally lost!

I will tell you one thing that did work for me despite the craziness today (by the way, I found no beauty whatsoever in today. My kid screamed, it was hot and humid, threatening rain that never came and my husband had to work late!), when my husband did finally get home, after hearing me sob on the other line, he comes in with take out, a sushi lunch for tomorrow and a pint of cookies and cream ice cream.

Though the rest is great, the cookies and cream ice cream work best. I think I'm going to enjoy that very soon!

For more tips on what works, go to Works for Me Wednesdays at
http://www.rocksinmydryer.typepad.com/

11 comments:

Becoming Me said...

Sister, I so feel your pain. Please know that this stage will not last forever and God will give you the strength to get through it. My daughter started this stage at 15 months and it didn't get better until she hit four. I know you don't want to hear that and I am just telling you because I really don't think it will happen that way to you. And to let you know that I survived it and so did my daughter. LOL. She doesn't even fight me on every decision anymore.

There were so many times I cried and lost my cool and got down on my knees pleading for God's help. But one thought that really helped me was remembering that God created that child for me and her daddy to raise. And that through His power we'd make it. So too will you. Hang in there and I'll be praying for you.

www.bringinghomeava.com said...

Oh boy...this lovely trait must run in the family! Abby did the exact same thing! It's as if you were speaking of her. I thought I would lose my mind. I did a couple of times. I remember calling Tulio and begging him to come home and rescue me.

We tried most everything, probably doing it all wrong. The thing that helped ME the most was after Abby was asleep at night, Tulio and I would go in her room and lay hands on her, anointing her with any oil we could find in the kitchen and PRAY! Actually, we plead the blood of Jesus over this child! We prayed for patience while parenting, we prayed that she would learn to communicate with us in a civil manner; we prayed that God would take her spirit and continue working on what He created. Over time it did become better, of course there have been struggles and there will be more to come, but look at Abby today. Joy comes in the morning! God is faithful and he hears your cries Andrea!

Sammy is fearfully and wonderfully made. You have the greatest job in the world! You are doing an awesome job as his mommy--no one else could do it!

Wish I was closer, I would come and scoop that baby right up! Love ya--I am always a phone call away!

Amy @ Experience Imagination said...

Hang in there. Keep praying. I'm trusting with you that this is a stage and my kid will pass through it, too (she's 3).

Meanwhile, I've been 1) trying to watch for opportunities to show grace, and 2) making sure I get at least one afternoon or evening a week when I can go off on my own and play (which makes #1 so much easier).

Julie Stiles Mills said...

I remember this in my kiddo. A few ideas:

Often, at this age, they are frustrated because they can't communicate their feelings and what they want, sometimes because they don't know how to explain, but also because they actually don't KNOW what they are frustrated about. Watch for triggers before the "episodes," you may be able to see something he doesn't recognize or understand. Try asking leading questions (when he's NOT upset).

Try and make sure he's getting the sleep he needs - not just the right amount, but the right kind - restorative sleep. (you too, by the way) Fragmented sleep can make anyone irritable. One book that helped me was "Sleepless in America" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka.

Low blood sugar can also cause behavior problems. My daughter has trouble with that and I wrote about it in my post "how many kids . . . " at http://pragmaticcompendium.wordpress.com/2008/01/15/how-many-kids/

The big tactic in our family? DISTRACTION. Get him interested in something else. What's the best way to take something away from a baby? Give the baby something else first and wait for the thing you want to take away to be discarded. What's the best way to get a child's attention off of something (even his own tantrum)? Get him interested in something else. Sing a song, play with a toy, do anything more fun than then tantrum (for him).

I've actually taken the tactic of sitting down on the floor with the tantrum thrower and just watching with a sad expression on my face. When they stop for a second, my face lights up and I ask, "Can we play now?"

There's so many more possibilities, but these were big in our house. Keep asking friends and family. Try some ideas and ignore the ones you hate. You'll find what works for your family by trial and error.

Be encouraged!

Heather J. said...

Oh I have so been there, done that,and my kids all managed to live.
Take a deep breath, and stay in control.
You need to be consistant in how you deal with this behavior.
Eventually, they get it. That you're not going to put up with it,
until then.....
Drink lots of sweet tea, it totally works for Kristen!!

We are THAT Family said...

Oh, Heather. She's my sister from another mister. Definitely O.D. on sweet tea. And, tell your self it's a phase. It will pass. Eventually. Hey, I'm going back to reread your comments because my 16 month old is starting it. She's my 3rd, but I'm not really qualified to help you considering she's throwing stuff in the potty as I type.

Leslie said...

Wow, I think you must have put some cameras in my house recently! I was just thinking of posting this same type of question on my blog. I have an adorable almost 3 year old, but he is so sassy lately, doesn't share with his little brother, and is into hitting, kicking, and throwing fits! Good luck! I'm hoping he too will grow out of it. I so want to be patient, but whining, throwing fits, and hitting his brother just gets to me! LOL.

Marie said...

My son didn't get like that until he turned 3, and from what I've seen in other kids he was pretty mellow even then.

I think it helps to keep everything really relaxed, not to be rushing around all the time. It also helps to find a calming distraction. Baths always calm my kids right down when they're worked up over something.

SkubalRowan said...

I think I caught your bad day :(

Vintage Dutch Girl said...

YEAH! Hero husband saves the day!
BIG points for him :)

My suggestion is to ignore that tantrum behavior. My Bubbalu is starting tantrums, and he HATES it when I don't pay attention to him during a tantrum/fit/whatever. When he stops and settles down, he has an audience again.

It also worked for us when Bubbalu did the 'throw the sippy cup repeatedly' phase.

I would walk away and essentially give him a "time out" from Mama.

Hope this helps...I KNOW what it is like to be in the midst of something like this (Colic!) and feeling utterly hopeless.

Prayers coming your way ;)

Happy Mommy said...

Listen, it does get easier! Really! My oldest boy was one of those who had a really strong will, it only lasted a short time I think partly because I removed him each and every time he acted like that! I would use a sing song voice and say oh no how sad for you, we do not hit our momma! And whisk him off to his room, I would come back about every two minutes and ask are you ready to be sweet, you choose, sweet boys can come out or you can choose to stay in here and be ugly...
It really worked, I made a big point about YOU CHOOSE.
I have a 2 year old daughter, she also likes to throw fits but not as bad as the boys.
I also did a whole lot of praying! Which helped the most I know.

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