Bumble Bee Clean up...

I'm sitting at my computer blogging instead of cleaning my house. It's rather messy but I will probably just end up doing a quick, what I call, "bumble bee" clean up before my husband comes home. You know what I'm talking about...ready...hear the music from flight of the bumblebee in your head...and GO!

Grab a trash bag, toss loose trash away, pick up everything off the floor and put it somewhere, anywhere, preferably not in a visible space (this is where junk drawers and "monica" closets come in handy), swish the toilet with pine sol (Thanks for the tip sweet friend, you know who you are), put the unfolded clothes back into the laundry room (take it out after hubs comes home as if you have been washing ALL DAY!), stuff the dishes of the day into the dishwasher,put away the OJ, AJ, Coffee from this morning, "Dadyy's coming home we have to clean up! Pick up your toys... pick up your toys," the baby is crying, gotta clean up with one hand, Praise baby always works and he'll walk into such a peaceful home! Gotta change shirts again so I don't smell like a mommy, wipe the faces, check the diaper, brush your hair add some lipgloss and mascara (yes I look this good all day long!)...is that the garage door, grab Mandarin Orange home spray (thank you Bath and body works) spray, spray, spray (one qucik spray on the dog)...and finally greet your husband with a kiss.

Reward: "Wow, the house smells great.

"Whew!"

"Father thank you for a husband that appreciates all that I do and all that he thinks I do! Thank you for giving me the chance to stay home with my kids and take care of my home. It is such a huge blessing, yet it is one I tend to complain about most. Our home is so wonderful and I need to remember that you have made me the manager and I need to make it a place of comfort and rest for my husband, a place of safety and wonder for my children and a place of love and warmth for my friends and family. Keep your angels around us always father, in you precious name, Amen."

So Big...

"Ok buddy, the baby is asleep and now it's time for your nap," I said as I pulled his pull up on and tossed him 3 of the 12 stuffed animals that invade his bed each day.

"I don't wanna take a nap," he replied. This is the mantra of the hour.

"You have to take a nap so your body can rest and you can grow big and strong."

"I am big...see..." he says as he throws off his blanket, stands up on the bed and lifts his head as high as he can.

"You are very big, but if you want to be as big and strong as Daddy you have to take a nap."

I then begin to cover him oncemore, tucking him in and handing him puppy, who he immedeately nuzzles. His eyes are droopy and he is fighting the desire to sleep. He then looks at me and in a tired whisper says, " Mommy, I don't think so."

"You don't think what baby?"

"I don't think I wanna be big."

"Why not?" I reply.

"I just don't wanna be big, neber, neber."

He starts to close his heavy eyelids and I kiss his cheek and hug him and say, "I think that's a great idea. You don't have to be big if you don't want to."

"Ok mom."

I smile to myself as I softly shut his door, pick up a few toys in the playroom and go downstairs when halfway down the stairs I hear...

"MOOMMMY!!!"

I hear footsteps running and the door crack open.

"Mom," he calls out again as I come up the stairs.

"What baby?"

"I changed my mind. I do wanna be big."

I smile and reply, "Ok buddy, now go back to bed and stay there."

"Ok mom...but can you cober me 'cause I don't know how."


Oh Lord, I want my babies to stay small. I don't want them to get any bigger. I want him to be three forever. To be sweet and eager to learn and full of life and wonder. I want my baby girl to be a baby as long as possible. It goes too fast Lord. Stop it! Thank you for my blessings and for the time you have given me with them. And Father, cover my babies and our family because only you know how. In your precious name, Amen.

Strong and Courageous

We have been on a losing front for a while now.

When crazy kid was born he was a sucker. If you are picturing a lollipop atop of his little body, that is not what I am talking about. He was a pacifier or what we call "tete" sucker. From the moment he came out he latched on to me with no problems whatsoever and due to much protest from his milk suppliers I gave him a tete and he went to town.

He loved it from day one. There was no confusion. His tete was his comfort.

It's been a long road. There were hours when one could not be located and I would pray, "Lord there has to be one around here somewhere, help me find it PLEASE!" A few car rides where we forgot it and the tears poured out. Nap time could not go without it.

After a while he preferred blue ones only, because apparently the green one just didn't cut it so we threw out all the various colors and kept only blue.

He would have one in his mouth, find another and test each, then decide which one was best. I don't know why. Maybe one still had peanut butter lingering on it or something. He would even make "mmmmm" sounds as he sucked away.

So, when he turned three we told him that the tete had to go away. And he cried, "I want it, I love it, please no!"

We tried to bargain with toys, candy, a horse...nothing.

So we kinda wimped out and gave in to his addiction. Besides we were going out of town and thought it would be best to let him keep it until after we returned.

But today was a fateful day. Today was the end all day. Today, fate intervened.

He has been down to one last tete (actually two but he doesn't know that). And for the last two weeks I have been telling him that this is his last one and if it breaks or gets lost there aren't anymore. We can't buy any because they only sell them to babies.

This morning he was upset and being rather disobedient. He wanted my attention and was rather upset. He had to go potty and he was standing over the toilet crying when PLOP...down drops the tete into the toilet.

Opportune moment.

"It is now gone. The toilet drank it. It has pee pee on it and is very yucky, we can't put that in our mouth anymore. You know that is your last one. I'm sorry bud, all the tetes are gone."

He was so sad. It BROKE my heart. He was genuinely grieving. Big tears pouring from his big brown eyes rolling down his syrup stained face.

He calls his dad and begins to tell him what happened and tears well up in his eyes and he can't get through it.

I hug and love on him and tell him it's ok that he needs to be brave and everything will be ok. Then I encourage him to talk to Jesus and tell him how he feels. He nuzzles into me and says, "Jesus I am so sad. I want my tete. Help me be brave."

He has been very brave all day.

"Father thank you for my sweet, precious boy. He is such a joy to me. God I am sad that this baby boy is getting so big. It hurts my heart to see that he really isn't a baby anymore, no matter how much I want him to be. He doesn't even have a baby tummy anymore God. Lord, thank you for allowing me to learn bravery from my boy. Thank you that he trusts you already and that he is learning to give it all to you knowing that you will give him courage and strength. Thank you father. In your precious name, Amen."

God with Us

My pregnancy with baby girl was not one I would call pleasant.

My pregnancy was unfortunately filled with tears. I am convinced I had pre-post partum depression. I lived in sadness and guilt and my hormones had a great deal of control.

I had great guilt over the fact that I was not enjoying my pregnancy. With my first, I had an amazing pregnancy. I was happy, over the moon, joyful. It was easy and sweet. And I was very guilty over the fact that this pregnancy was not like the first.

And I never spoke this outloud until after the fact, but I was so afraid. I was terrified that something was going to go wrong. Everytime they checked for the heart beat, my own heart would stop. I found myself not able to breathe during those first few moments. Sonograms were anxiety filled. And before delivery I was shaking so much I barely got control.

I never spoke out my fear in fear that it would somehome become truth. I just fought the fear as best as I could.

And, one of the first things I said to my sweet baby girl when we were all alone in the hospital room was that I was sorry.

"I'm sorry Mommy cried so much. I'm sorry of the stress I gave you inside of me. I love you and wanted you so much. I'm sorry I was so sad."

I was blessed to give birth to a beautiful, healthy baby girl. She is perfect, more than I ever imagined. She came out with a head full of light brown hair, which has streaks of red and gold which especially shines in the sun. And her eyes are still bright blue which match her sweet, sensitive, slightly pale skin.

I could never be more blessed or content.

And as we entered into this new life, both hers and mine, there were moments when the guilt still presides.

Baby girl is a little more sensitive than her brother. I would say she cries a little more than he did. And I know babies cry but the guilt says she cries more because I cried so much. And it wasn't until she began smiling and laughing that I began to believe differently.

With every smile and every gurgling laugh, the guilt is stripped away. And the fact that she coos and blow bubbles more than her brother ever did is even more rewarding.

I am amazed at what God has done through me because of this sweet child. He brought me through storm after storm. He held me and took care of me even when I in many ways turned my back on him and had no faith and no trust. And then he blessed me more than I deserved.

Emma means God with us...and I now see that he was with me.

"Father I am overwhelmed with love for you. I am so blessed. Thank you for the storms. Thank you for having patience with me and for standing by me and carrying me through them when I didn't think I could endure anything more. Thank you for your sweet reward that came in a precious bundle of pink."

March Madness...

I was very excited yesterday.

Every month I take down the dry erase calendar from ou fridge, erase the activities from the previous month and jot down our life happenings for the new month. Apparently that is how scheduling works.

So, I erased March, wrote in April and all the days in the appropriate boxes, which is a challenge for me b/c I never learned that song about how many days are in each month. Plus, I've never been good with numbers at all so you have no idea how many times I am on day 22 and I realize I left out the 15th and have to go back and erase and start over.

So, as I said, I erased all of March and put in April, checked that all 30 days were there and filled in the events for the month and I am happy to report that only one weekend is full!

Can you believe it!

The month of April we have very little going on. Our weekends are free to do whatever we want (stay home, go to the mall, hang out with friends) the sky is the limit!

Now let me be clear...March was a great month, but March tends to be one of the busiest months of our year. Both Sammy and Orlando's birthdays are in March, one of us or both tend to travel in March, plus there is spring break in there and life is just crazy where it seems that everything is going at warp speed and we are just trying to get through one event to get to the other.

Sammy's birthday was at the begining of the month. It was a success despite the rain, but he and his pals had fun. Orlando's birthday unfortunately came and went. On his day he came down with the flu, which took him out of commission during spring break. He felt well enough to take Sam to the Rodeo, but was down a bit the next day for it. Fortunately, the rest of us didn't get sick. I only caught a head cold but we all recovered.

We just returned from San Francisco. Just Orlando and I. We had a wonderful time reconnecting and spending time as us and not as mommy and daddy. However, by the third day, we missed being mommy and daddy and were glad to be home.

Our kids missed us as well. In fact, crazy kid came to me yesterday and gave me a big hug and said, "Mommy I'm so glad you're home." Break the heart!

So this weekend I am off to a women's retreat for a day or so and after that...All plans are last minute! Woo hoo.

"Lord thank you for busy times. I enjoy having lots to do: packing and unpacking, planning and running errands. It is time consuming and tiring, but it is nice when everything comes together and I can look back and see that it all was worth it. And thank you for quiet times. When we can go and do and be whatever we want and not have to look at our calendar and figure out where things can fit in. Thank you for March. It is a month filled with blessings. You are always so good to us Lord, I am so greatful. In your precious name, Amem."