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Wordless Wednesday...












New baby smell, naps on the couch with an 8 lb baby on your chest, tiny baby clothes...it all works for me.

For more things that work visit, Works for Me Wednesday.

BIG News

It is funny how God works sometimes. How He can instantly change your life in moments, while at the same time He continues to mold you into who He wants you to be. And that process is long, sometimes it seems never ending and it definitely has hills and valleys.

At the end of the day, whether life changes in an instant or in months or even years, we have to learn to trust Him. NO MATTER WHAT.

I have spoken before about the process that God has been taking me through in these last few months. A process that has brought me to my knees crying out to Him, a process that has purged me and purified who I was.

It has been a very trying process and I have seen so much victory and I feel renewed and like a new person.

Amidst it all God was showing me so many things.

He showed me sins that I had in my life that had to be resolved and purged. Generational sins that were evident in my family that had to be broken. Sins of envy, selfishness, judgement, pride and fear.

He showed me that my desire to be "liked" was a sin. That it did not matter what people thought of me, only what God thought of me. Let me tell you, when He told me that I broke. I was so good at pretending and at being what I thought others wanted. It was exhausting me, but in my head I had to continue because that's what people expected. He had to break me of such thoughts and evil desires.

Ultimately, He was teaching me to trust Him and He alone and to do that he had to renew my heart and mind.

You see all of these sins that I carried - envy, selfishness, judgement, pride, and fear - all of these sins were evident in my thought life.

I was worried as to how I would be portrayed or looked upon. I questioned the relationships I had with others, and I allowed my mind to think things such as, "They think they are better than me," "they are only pretending to like me," "They are judging me." My mind would think such lies and I would almost believe them. My heart and mind were battling because in my head such things were thought, but my heart knew the truth. I did not have control of my mind. It controlled me.

And because of such thoughts, my immediate response was pride, judgement and selfishness. I could easily blame others for my resentment, but it was all me. I allowed my mind to believe the lies. Because though I may have believed such lies, at the same time I was also believing, "I am unworthy," "I'm not needed," "I'm useless," and "no one cares if I am around or not."

In the end, I was lonely, I was empty and I was in a pit because I allowed my mind to win and lies to overcome the truth and I had put myself there.
Thank you Jesus for loving me so much that you put me in fire, that you opened my eyes, that you cleansed me and purged me and made me new. Thank you for getting me out of my own pit.

I'm going to be very vulnerable and open, but I want you to know what God can do and just how perfect and awesome He is.

Amidst all of these battles I fought, for I have been battling such oppressive thoughts for almost 4 months now, well actually, for my whole life, and God specifically told me one of the reasons as to why he was taking me through this.

My son is amazing. He is just like his father in action and deed. He talks like him, he imitates everything he does, and even at this age you can tell the kind of personality he has and the kind of person he will most likely be like.

My son has a friend wherever he goes. He is so friendly and greets everyone in the grocery store and in the mall and people love him. He is already outgoing and active and friendly.

I am not many of those things. I am very friendly, but it takes me a little while to warm up. I had close friends, but didn't like to be surrounded by people. I've changed a lot and I love being with my friends, but I still get a little nervous when there are lots of people around. That is not my son.

So...God told me that my son didn't necessarily have those sins I talked about earlier. He may have to break some of them off, but they wouldn't be the same for him as they were for me. However, my next child may have to work a little harder. And he said, I had to break them and change my heart and mind before I unknowingly filtered my fears and worries and pride and essentially, low self-esteem, into my other children.

In my secret of hearts, I want a baby girl.

I want pink and roses and ribbons and dresses.

But my head would say, I hope she's not like me. I hope she's outgoing and social and popular and beautiful. I always liked me, but for some reason I compared myself to everyone else and wanted to be and have what every one else had and was placing those thought onto my future children. Me, no matter how smart or fun I was, it just wasn't good enough.

When God showed me what I was doing, I was heartbroken. I never realized how wrong I was, how selfish, how sinful. But, he brought me through.

I can say with confidence that I have control of my mind, mostly. There are times when I think things, but I immediately see the lie and speak the truth. And now I know that I am renewed and not who I was.

We found out on Saturday that I am pregnant.

We were not trying. Our plans said, summertime, but, to God, there are no oops, and He said my child will be born, "for such a time as this."

Honestly, I was a little surprised. I knew before the test turned pink the truth, but I was a little afraid. I just started feeling like me, but I remembered all he brought me through and I realized, what better gift to have from my creator. What better show of approval and what better reward.

"Before I formed you in your mother's womb, I knew you. Before you were born I set you apart." Jeremiah 1:5

To all who are reading, no matter what you are going through, know that God has placed you, He has set you apart and He knows every bit of you.

I encourage you to allow Him to change your heart, to renew your mind and to mold you into what He desires. It is not easy, but it is so good. Ask your Father to open your eyes to your heart and to continually purify you so that you will be a child of excellence. It is a process, but it's a good one.

"The LORD has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy." Psalms 126:3

Transitions

I'm not great about change. I like routine. I'm not good with transitions. If I can avoid change, I try to.

Now it's not like I flip out or bring on the waterworks or anything crazy like that. Change just makes me nervous, unsure and unsettled.

That's probably true for most of us.

We are going to make a big change in our life this week. I'm not sure when it will all unfold but...I'm not too excited about it. I'm very nervous and a little afraid.

Let me tell you how this inevitable change came about...

25 months ago I had a son. He was beautiful and perfect. He was a happy baby and a good baby by most other's standards.

By 1 month we put him in his crib to sleep in his room. Some of you are thinking, "ONE Month?!" Yes, one month. No I am not a horrible mommy, I wanted that baby to sleep in his precious little moses basket that his father bought for me with so much attention and eagerness to please his wife, but nonetheless, what can I say, my child is a crazy sleeper. He hated the moses basket. He needed room to move.

So in his crib he went. He slept like a champ. Sleeping 5 hours in 6 weeks, 8 hours in 8 weeks!

And as I said before, he was a crazy sleeper. He moved so much. For an infant it was pretty impressive. He would start with his head one way and by morning his head was towards the other direction.

He LOVED his bed.

We had few transitions. When he began to roll, he would wake himself and we would go and roll him the other way until he learned to do it himself. This happened again when he began to crawl and then stand and eventually, the transitions were over, he had accomplished so much as a one year old.

For almost a year I have revelled in a full nights sleep. He rarely wakes up in the middle of the night. He enjoys his bed.

This past New Years we were out of town for a week and when we came home, he went to his bed and screamed "BED." Kissed it and went right in and slept from 8:30 to 10:30 the next morning!

Then it happened. I was wondering if it would ever happen and it did.

One afternoon after his nap, he wakes and begins to try to climb out of his crib. He did it was the greatest of ease and finesse. I saw it all on his video monitor and only a matter of seconds he was down. He slowly opened the door and softly calls out my name, ad if he's unsure that waht he did was a good thing.

Well it wasn't a good thing.

Now, at the time of the incident, he was 23 months old, so I was pretty amazed he made it this far, because by nature he is a climber. I have caught him standing on my counter tops and he was able to climb his little rock climbing wall by 15 months so...I was a bit surprised it took him this long, but I'm convinced...he likes his bed.

So, on that fateful afternoon, he climbs out and is so proud of himself. He begs me to put him in bed again so he can show me and proudly states. "Mama, I down!"

He climbs out every morning for a week. He woke up at 6:30 every morning for a week. Believe me, the difference between 6:30 and 7:30 is incredible!

We did not convert his bed because my husband was out of town for the week so we were going to just deal with it and change it when he returned.

Didn't have to...he stopped climbing out. Just plain stopped. I don't know why.

I thought I was lucky. I praised God that we didn't have to change anything.

He would stay in his crib till he was 10! Hallelujah!

And then...
Friday afternoon, April 25, 2008 - He climbed out

Friday night, April 25, 2008, 10:30 pm - He climbed out again.

Saturday Morning, April 26, 2008, 6:30 am - He's down.

Saturday Evening, April 26, 2008, 11:00 pm - Out of bed.

Sunday Morning, April 27, 2008, 3:00 am - out and ready to play.

Sunday Morning, April 27, 2008, 4:00 am - while getting out, falls and mom is awakened by a loud boom and crying.

Sunday Morning, April 27, 2008, 4:30 am - tries to get out again, despite the fall from earlier (he must have been too tired to remember.)

So, needless to say, we are transitioning into a big boy bed starting tomorrow night.

I'm scared. I'm nervous. I need my sleep!
I guess we'll see how it goes...

Game Night

My cousin and her hubby came over tonight for the first time in months! It's so sad how busy life can get. They got married last March and both my beloved and I stood in their wedding. We saw them twice after their wedding, and tonight we were figuring it had been about 9 months since we got together last. That's pretty sad considering we live only about 30 minutes from each other.

We have so much fun with them and for whatever reason each time we do get together we do the same thing. We have a game night.

We make food and for some reason it has been fajitas the last few times, e didn't plan it that way, but my Hubs makes GREAT fajitas so we typically serve that often. We put our kid to sleep and then we make coffee and get out the cards.

Not poker or Texas Hold'em.
Not UNO.

We play Phase 10!

If you haven't played before, its a must have. It beats out the rest, I think.

Plus, we tend to be somewhat competitive, vindictive and a little crazy.

It is so much fun because we are strung out on sugar from dessert and strong coffee. My cousin isn't much of a coffee drinker so she get almost high on the stuff and I'm just silly so the two of us together make for quite some fun. We say the most ridiculous things and over all it's fun.

Why we don't do it more often, I'm not sure.

So, it's about 12:45, they just left for home and it's time for bed. The sugar is coming down and the caffeine is also filtered out.

All this to say, go get Phase 10 and have a game night, I promise you'll love it!

New Blog Design

Hope everyone noticed my new blog design! Doesn't it look super fabulous! Thank you, Thank you to Shauna who did an amazing job! She rocks and for all those of you who are thinking about putting a new face to your site, go and check out her stuff!

Another thank you goes out to my beloved, who loves me so much he came up with the idea of giving me a new site for Mother's day. Since begining my blog I wanted mine to look pretty like everyone elses out there, but I figured I would give it some time and then pay for the changes later. Well since he supports me and is so forgiving of all the time I spend on the computer, he brought it up without my telling him and said, "Do what you want!" Three cheers for husband of the year, supporter and friend!

For all my bloggy friends out there check out the Mommy blog party coming up on May 11- 13. There are going to be lots of give aways, carnivals and prizes! Should be fun and a good chance to meet more blog friends.

Happy weekend to all!

Reality TV

I hate reality TV. I was into it for awhile. I watched Survivor, the Bachelor and the one with Donald Trump almost religiously. We DVR'd them, rushed through commercials, cried when our favorites were fired or voted out and were elated for the winners at the end as if we ourselves had won.

And then, I moved on.

After awhile, I realized it was the same stuff over and over again. The same story line.

Reality became ratings, not real life.

It was now Fake TV. The reality was revealed the following day on the Tonight Show or Oprah when we all learned all about the magic of editing.

Unfortunately, my world, my crazy reality is not edited. My ratings at times are high, but sometimes they plummet faster than Dharma and Greg. Sure, I might have faithful viewers, but they are harder to reach on the Wednesday night lineup compared to the coveted Thursday slots.

I love my reality. I'm glad I'm not edited, because in the end, I'm the director and producer of this show and on some days I send out good messages, make people think and sometimes even cry and other days, I flop.

I have lots of viewers out there. Some have been watching from the beginning and are pretty good at the Scene it game. Some are new viewers, others come and watch every once in a while, while others just happen to stop by.

If the producer was bright, she'd have the best of the best writers. Celebrity guests. Drama. Action. Tears and humor.

But, this is reality.

There are days when I don't like my character. I don't want to be the mom, or the wife or the maid.

Days when I don't remember my lines. When I mess up and am negative, not very encouraging, judgemental, mean and even rude.

There are days when my stylist doesn't show up. When I haven't washed my hair in 3 days. When I quickly put on makeup and run out the door with this huge line across my face and raccoon eyes. When I've worn the same thing 3 times in one week because nothing is washed and the rest is wrinkled.

Days when the cute child actor throws a fit because the set is out of Popsicles and he can only be appeased with candy and sugar. When the set tutor doesn't come in and the child actor watches movies all day long.

Reality.

I don't have it all together. I can pretend and put my editor to the test when I want to, but I've learned that shows like that may sail for awhile, but they don't win awards. And they aren't quoted by fans.

Disclaimer - The producer of this show is responsible for all views and opinions. All that is said is truth. It's real. Perhaps sometimes embellished for humor purposes, but otherwise honest. All pride is put aside.

I hope this show will encourage you by my words, actions and mess ups. I know I'm not alone because there are so many other great shows out there that are just as real and unscripted.

Let's all strive for unscripted reality.

And sooner or later, we'll all walk side by side in our Valentino's and Armani's onto the red carpet and get our reward.

"I want to thank all my viewers out there. Without you, I'd be no where."

One of those days

I had one of those days. It was horrible. It was stressful. It was long.

Friends say it's a phase. I'm ready for it to end. I've had enough thank you very much!

It started this morning and did not subside.

My son is two. They say that year is suppose to be "terrible." Well, we've been in it for one month and if it lasts an entire year, I don't think I'm gonna make it. (Some keep telling me three is worse...I'm praying my kid is just advanced.)

Doors are slamming, screams are resounding, there is kicking and hitting, falling on the floor in anger and frustration, beating the Berber carpet with a fist, calling out for anyone to take it away...and the little monster is worse.

I have found that putting him in his room and shutting the door during his tirades works a little. At least it mutes him some, if anything else. He is doing this new thing, where he throws himself back onto the floor ( how he doesn't get a concussion is beyond me) and almost convulses in rage. His whole body shakes and it looks like his whole body is coming off the ground. All the while he is screaming. I'm talking blood curling, clench your face till it hurts screams. You think someone was beating him.

In then end, we both are crying, we both calm down and try to get back to normal. Ten minutes later, it happens again.

So...that was my day.

So my "Works for you Wednesday" is a bit turned around.

There are so many amazing moms out there and I know you have been in my shoes. I know you read this and are smiling and nodding your head thanking God that you are past that "phase." You may be thinking, yeah, that phase is hard, but wait till he gets to be 8 or 14 or 22!My question to you is, Do you want to trade for a day?!?

So I want to know...What works for you? I need serious help! I feel totally lost!

I will tell you one thing that did work for me despite the craziness today (by the way, I found no beauty whatsoever in today. My kid screamed, it was hot and humid, threatening rain that never came and my husband had to work late!), when my husband did finally get home, after hearing me sob on the other line, he comes in with take out, a sushi lunch for tomorrow and a pint of cookies and cream ice cream.

Though the rest is great, the cookies and cream ice cream work best. I think I'm going to enjoy that very soon!

For more tips on what works, go to Works for Me Wednesdays at http://www.rocksinmydryer.typepad.com/