Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Cast out imagination!

I have been busy preparing for a women's retreat coming up this weekend, plus planning birthday parties for our crazy march! Nonetheless, I missed a week of blogging...oops!

I've been sick. The kids got sick. Yuckiness has been going around but...God is Good! He protects and saves and Oh how he loves us!

I had a bit of a freak out moment last week.

A moment which brought fear and imagination.

I hate those moments.

You know there are times when I think I have come so far. Where I think, "Look at me God, I have this fear thing under control...I have broken those chains. I am good. "

"I" am none of those things! The God in me can do all things, but lil' ol' me needs HIM to help me fight those fears!

So last week I was putting the kids to bed and I got this massive headache. All of a sudden. Super pain. My neck was hurting and my head was almost tender to the touch. But it wasn't like a tension headache or "if this kid doesnt stop yelling I am going to throw something at him" kind of headache.

It was different.

So I was sorta massaging my neck when I feel it.

This bump.

Small, but not so small. Tender, no, painful to to the touch. Right behind my ear.

Fear gripped me.

I felt the other side and nope, there was definitely something uneven on my head.

My dad came over to watch my kids the next afternoon.

My dad is my doctor, he is my go to for all medical advice and it is a blessing to have him on call all the time! He's very smart and a good surgeon and I trust him. But the problem is I can read him pretty well. And there is a big difference between my father the hero and my father the doctor.

My father the hero; he's sweet and kind and fun loving and sometimes a goofball.
My father the doctor is medical jargon, chart reading, advice giving, and serious.

When I asked my dad about this thing on my head...and when he took a look at it and examined it...he quickly became my father the doctor.

He started asking me what my symptoms were and all kinds of mediciny questions.


Of course he quickly turned back into my father, the hero and said it was probably nothing, just a swollen lymph node, no big deal.

But my struggle with fear...yeah, it took over.

That bump. Yeah it was a swollen lymph node, just like my father the doctor had said. And yeah, I have been sick the last few days and my body was probably doing what it was suppose to do to fight out whatever disease was in me.

The bump is almost gone. It no longer hurts.

And I was so mad at myself. Because, I seriously had a mini meltdown. Everything bad and imaginable came into my head. And I tried to fight it, but not the way I know how...not the way God had been teaching me how.

Instead of praying over myself, confessing truths, I cowered in fear.

I even googled!

Feeding my fear instead of feeding my faith.

I have come so far, but I still have so much to grow.

"Father I thank you for a dad who has taught me what great faith is despite his medicine knowledge. I thank you for a mother who pulls me out of my imagination and reassures my faith. Forgive me for my doubt Lord. For my fear. For my lack of trust that you keep me in the palm of your hand. Continue to test my faith so that I will grow and be able to show my children who you are and who I am in you. To show them the power of faith. In your precious name, Amen."

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