Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Train your Boys to Fight - Part II of Raising Boy Men

He sat on the couch angry and bitter.
I could see the wrath building up inside of him.

We found ourselves in this season of anger and hostility. 
His temper was not tamed, his strong will and forceful behavior was pounding down every boundary and his normally sweet nature was tainted with disdain and disrespect.

“How many times do we have to go through this? How can I pierce his heart and train him to control his self and his emotions? Lord will he ever soften?”

We were fighting the battle of entitlement and disrespect.
All of a sudden, my boy man had little disregard for my authority and my wisdom.

“Son, turn towards me and do what I am asking you to do.”
“No, leave me alone.”
“If you turn around and listen to me, we won’t have this problems.”
“Stop talking to me and leave me alone. Why are you so mean to me? Why can’t you let me do what I want to do?”

I wanted to give in. 

In those moments, I want to desperately hold my boy in my arms and care for his every need and want, just like I had when he was a sweet, chubby little baby.

But, those are the moments where I must remind myself that he is trying to become this Boy man, 
but he isn't sure how it all works.

Those are the moments where the real training happens and I have to stand my ground and teach him to fight, not against me, but for his own heart and soul and salvation.

Everyday we faced new battles.
It was a constant battle of wills.

One day he stormed upstairs yelling, “You think you know everything, but you don’t.”
And I yelled back, “See you are wrong again, I do know everything! I am smarter than you, so get use to it!”

I threw the science book on the table and huffed to myself, “I certainly know more than you. I use to be super smart, until you people made me crazy.”

I obviously lost that battle.

Our fights continued for weeks and I was helpless.

For days I had fallen on my knees lifting his heart to Jesus.

I had tried every formula, every tool and nothing was working.
I was exhausted.
I was afraid of losing my son’s heart to this ugliness that kept oozing out. 
I prayed for wisdom and guidance and help.

This time, I prayed deep within my spirit and cried out to God to intervene on his behalf as he sat glaring at me.

“If you don’t want to do what I am asking of you, then you may go to your room and sit there until you are ready to obey.”

“FINE! FINE…I wish you weren't my mom. I wish I could run away and not live here anymore…I hate you.”

My heart was crushed and in one second I wanted to fall to my knees and weep, but in the next second, a holy anger arouse in me like I had never felt before and words began to come out of my mouth without any thought.

I sprang to my feet and said very calmly, but very forcefully,
“If that is what you want, then pack your bags and leave.”

He turned, astounded by my words.

“Go…pack your suitcase and go.”
“Where would I go?”
“I don’t know. You don’t want to live here, so find another place to live. You don’t want to obey my rules and you don’t want to respect me so you can go and live somewhere else. Call your grandparents, maybe they will come get you. Go. Get your stuff. Get out.”

“No…” his words were faltering…all of a sudden I saw in his face, fear and regret.
“No? You said you don’t want to live her and you don’t want to live with me so what’s the problem?”
“I don’t really think that…I don’t want to go. Mom please…I’m sorry. I was just mad and I didn’t mean any of it.”

He came over to me and wept.

For the first time in weeks, there was remorse and his heart had finally softened.
He acknowledged his faults and his weaknesses.

In the days that followed I saw him walk away from a difficult situation, 
He was loving, respectful, obedient and tender again.
He even removed himself from a problem and expressed to me that he didn't want to get angry and it was better if he just walked away.

Only by the grace of my Jesus.

The training does not end.

That battle was won, but the war for his heart and soul still continues.
It is our jobs as their mothers to train them to fight; not against us, but with us. 

It is the training that our sons receive at their mother’s side that will guide them in their path toward manhood.

How do you train your Boy Men to walk into the calling of Manhood?

  1. Ask God for wisdom to direct your paths.

  1. Give them work to do that is their own so that they can have pride in that work

  1. Strike down every sense of entitlement and teach them to serve and be humble.

  1. Demand respect. They may think they are men, but you are MOM. That title demands a respect like no other.

  1. Be gentle. Walk in patience, sympathy and grace.

  1. Get some righteous anger.

  1. When all else fails, stand firm.

  1. Fight for your sons. It is better to fight for them now, that to fight against them when they tower over you.

We must train our sons for the battles that will lie ahead of them as they grow.

You must train them to fight the battle within themselves;
Fight for their salvation.
Fight for their dreams and purposes.
Fight for their callings.
Fight for their family.
Fight for their God.

It is natural for them to fight against us.
It is natural for them to want to doubt, to rebel, and go against our boundaries and rules and wisdom.

Expect it, embrace it and fight on their behalf. 

We must remember that we are not fighting against our sons, but we are fighting against, “powers of the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms” (Ephesians 6:1).

Fight for your Boy Men, Mama.

Fight for them and train them to fight alongside you.

You are His Beloved, 
Don't miss a Post! 

Read the rest of the Raising  Boy Men Series...


Cat @ MaryMarthaMama said...

Love this! Have you read Praying for Boys by Brooke McGlothlin? I highly recommend it to any boy mama. In it she makes a similar point that you do... that a lot of times we feel like we are fighting them, that they are the enemy. They are not the enemy, but there is an enemy that is seeking to destroy them and that we have to fight for them and teach them to fight for themselves. This perspective has totally helped to change my point of view on some of the battles we have going on around here. Thanks for sharing!

Andrea said...


I have heard of the book but haven't read it! LOVE it! I never fully understood that, until that moment and I try to remember it now! Thanks for commenting!

Deb Wolf said...

So good Andrea. I remember my brother used to yell, "I hate you" to our mom. She would look back at him and reply, "right now, I don't like you very much either."

Of course she always made it clear how much she loved him, just really didn't like his disrespectful behavior.

Parenting is both challenging and rewarding . . . and exhausting.

Starla J. said...

I enjoyed reading this. Thank you for the tips and encouragement.

Patti said...

Great post. That brought back memories or raising my three boys. Thanks for sharing.

Andrea said...

Thanks Deb! It is exhausting!!!

Andrea said...

Thanks for reading and commenting Starla!

Andrea said...

Thanks Patti!

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