I don't wanna clean it AGAIN!!!

It does not like me.

It is gross.

It is vicious.

It mocks me.

My kitchen in glaring at me right now. A dirty kitchen makes your whole house dirty.

There are dishes piled up. Jelly on the countertop. Mail on the kitchen table. Crumbs on the floor. unidentified sticky. Clean dishes that need to be unloaded.

Two days ago this kitchen was spotless.

Why is it so hard to keep it that way? I don't want to clean it AGAIN!

Now I have to deal with this...

Ok...I better go and tackle the monster. If we didn't eat all the time I wouldn't have to deal with this...and I would be a lot smaller. Hmmm...something to think about.

He Knows

A few weeks ago a friend shared on her blog a passage from the Living Proof Ministries blog (LPM) or Beth Moore's blog, and what Beth had to say encouraged me so much and gave me strength to keep going and keep fighting for whatever God has in store for my life.

And this afternoon after I put my kids to take their nap I came to check my email and had to go back to that blog of Beth's.

A dear friend has been diagnosed with Lymphoma and my heart aches. I'm in shock and I can't even imagine what he must be feeling now.

So...for all my friends who need this encouragement, please say a prayer for my friend and read on...and remember God knows and is greater than everything this world can throw at us.

"God has healed all of us of many things but, in His great purposes, we can only grab the hem. Even a miracle of instant restoration from a terminal disease is still just a hem of healing.

One day we will trade the hem for the real Him. No more pressing through the crowd wondering if we're going to be among the few that see that kind of miracle. We will see Him. Jesus Christ, the risen King. We won't just touch the edge of His cloak. We will touch the God-man Himself in His spectacular immortal body but, significantly, one still bearing the scars of His visitation here. His wholeness is so utterly complete and infinitely perfect that we, upon the very sight of Him, will be made whole as well.

This, Beloved, is what we live for. Not for just another day here. But for that very day there.

Several months ago, Melissa had insisted upon going with me to have a dye test to follow up a suspicious mammogram. (No rumors please. I do not have breast cancer. Because my mother died with it, however, I never get the luxury of drama-less annual check-ups.) We were sitting in the waiting room and a rack was within arms reach offering all manner of brochure on various cancers. Melissa took one out after another and glanced over them, shaking her head. She looked up at me with that classic expression of hers and said, "Life is brutal, man."

I nodded.

We both sat silently for just a moment.

Then she said one of the most profound things I've ever heard.

"He knows it's scary to be us.

"Yes, He does. Yes, He does. He does NOT take the fact lightly that we go through medical tests to see if we have a raging cancer. He does NOT take lightly that some of you are secretly fearing that the monster has come back. He does NOT take lightly that some of you are going through the cancer treatments of your own children. I had to pause and put my hand over my mouth on that one. Holding back the tears.

Son of David, have mercy on us! You know it's scary to be us! It's almost too much here, Lord. It's almost too much.

And the thunder crashes in the heavens and the earth grows dark in the middle of the afternoon and a man, beaten to a bloody pulp, cries from a cross between two thieves, "It is finished!"

And death is overcome.

One day, Sweet Darling. ONE DAY. We will trade that hem for the real Him and there will be no more sickness. No more death. No more sadness. We will all be healed.

Bliss.

Bliss."

Beth Moore, LPM - April 10, 2009

Back in the day...

My husband was sick with what began with allergies and ended with fever. I insisted that he stay in bed most of the day, which we all know is rather difficult because when you have a three year old who LOVES his daddy, all he wants to do is play with him. So, we were glad Daddy stayed home from work today, we got a little extra time with him, his fever didn't return and he got the rest he needed.



As I was lying in bed last night after feeding baby girl her last feed of the day I realized how tired I was. And I looked over at my husband who wasn't feeling much better and said, "I'm so jealous of you right now."

"What?" he replied.
"I wish I could lie in bed all day and watch TV and do little else."
"Yeah, that's all good except that I am sick."
"Yeah, AND on top of it all, you get to take nyquil to help you sleep at night...SOOO jealous."
"Your crazy."

And then I got to thinking...when was the last time I was able to stay in bed for hours at a time with no responsibilities, no worries, nowhere to go, etc?

College.

I clearly remember saturdays like that.

I remember many occasions of staying in my pj's all day, sleeping till noon, then maybe grabbing a book and staying in bed until someone came by or called and was like, "Hey, lets go to common grounds (the local coffee house)." And then we would go get a yummy Iced white chocolate mocha with whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles and then head back and watch a movie or hang out.

Yup. That's the last time I did anything like that.

So...I'm thinking that for mother's day that's what I want...a day of doing NOTHING. NADA!

A day I can sleep as long as I want without having to make, do, clean, pick up, put away or worry about anything. And when I do wake up I can pick up a good book and read with no interruptions, no "mommy can you," or "baby will you," or "WAAA...feed me!" and drink coffee in one long sitting without having to put it in the microwave because I forgot about it because I had to make, do, clean, pick up, put away or worry about whatever.

Yeah...I know this isn't gonna happen but maybe if I'm lucky I can get an hour of this. The funny thing is...this all may sound real good...but I kinda like being needed. Being mommy. Oh well...

"Father, thank you for making me a mommy. It is the hardest, sweetest, most rewarding blessing ever. I know there are days when I am tired. There are days when I feel like my head is spinning and there are moments when I do want to lie in bed all day and not be "mom" but...I know this season of being mommy is fleeting. Before I know it my kids won't need me for everything...they will be able to bathe and clothe and feed themselves. Remind me that this won't be forever, but...let me always be needed. In your precious name, Amen."

A little bit of DIRT...

I was on double duty tonight since my Hubs has been sick.
I cooked dinner by ordering pizza. I worked out (while carrying baby girl!) and I got the kids bathed and ready for bed.

Baby girl just loves her bath and bathing with brother is a special treat. She kicks and squeals and laughs hysterically at him. So fun,

So, anyways, I bathed baby girl, bathed crazy kid and then left him in the tub to play while I lotioned up and dressed the baby.

I leave her in her room to play, while I go to get crazy...and I find him all scrathced up and red.

"Mommy it won't come off."
"What won't come off?"
"The dirt. I'm all dirty."
"Baby I already washed you."
"No mommy, I have dirt on me, see..." He says as he points to his tummy that as I mentioned before is all scraped and red. I strain to look past the scratches but don't see what he is talking about.
"Baby, you aren't dirty."
"Yes mom, I am. Right there." And then he points to a little bitty freckle.
I try hard not to laugh and say, "Baby that isn't dirt that is a freckle. The sun kissed you and left a spot."
"I don't want it, it's dirt. I don't like it."

Well,the "dirt" didn't come off, but he is the cutest kid!

And now to bed. Being mommy and daddy is exhausting!

"Dear father, thank you for moments like these that are so fun and precious. Thank you for reminding me how much help my husband is and how I blessed I am to have him as my helper. Thank you for healing! In your precious name, Amen."

His Plans

It's amazing how God knows and interweaves every single detail of your life together in perfect timing. Looking back in my life I am always dumbfounded over the way God figured stuff out, made a path, closed doors, opened windows, and yes, even smacked me a little...but through it all, His hand on my life was always evident.

He has always taken care of me and placed me where I needed to be, doing what I was meant to be doing and preparing me for whatever was in store.

And he is still preparing me for whatever comes next. He is still molding me and challenging me and I am in awe over all that he has done thus far and I am sure that when I look back in the next few months or so I will again be dumbfounded.

I don't know what God's plan is thus far for my family, but I know that he is preparing me for whatever comes along the way.

After having baby girl I was on a reading frenzy. What else can you do while you are pumping away! In the begining when I was only getting like 5 hours of sleep in a day I read fun reads. Reads where I didn't have to think much. And then I began reading more indepth, thoughtful reads.

And last month I opened a book that I have had in my library for years. In fact, I don't even remember when I got this book but I had never read it.

So I started reading...couldn't put it down. I was really moved by it and I connected with it...but little did I know that this book was God's way of preparing me for future events.

The book was about a Wife and mother who makes the change to another city, away from all that she loves and is familiar with, because her husband transfers for his career. The heroine struggles and is angry and resentful. But soon she see's that all was in God's plan because he brought her to that place for a reason and a purpose greater than her own plans and dreams.

This past month my husband and I have been discussing the idea of him transferring to another city. I have struggled with this. My heart aches over the idea. Fear transcends. Imagination takes over.

I have prayed and prayed over this. And I finally gave it to God and said, I trust you. You have never led us astray and you have always made your will clear in our lives. If we are to go it is beacuse that is what you desire...And wherever we go, you will be there with open arms ready to elevate us for your Glory.

So...I don't know if we are going anywhere...we are waiting on God. But I will obey...and I will trust...and I will be brave.

"Dear Father, thank you for clarity, for peace and for strength. Father thank you for creating me to be the strong and influencial woman, wife and mother that I am. I know I fail sometimes, and I know there are moments when I can't hide the tears or the fears, but I know that you are holding us. You know our fears and our pain, but You, my God, are in this place and any other place you lead us to. You will give us strength and you will always be glorified in our lives. In your precious name, Amen."

*Go Check it out...The Scarlet Thread - Francine Rivers