How to teach your children to be Real in a world that pretends to be Fine

The other day I wrote about being “fine,” which you can read here.

I have taught my daughter to pretend. And I’m not talking about playing house and using her imagination…I’m talking about being a phony.

I have taught her to pretend all is well, when all is not.

It was what I did my whole life and I didn't realize I was teaching her the same.

Don’t be real. Don’t be vulnerable. Don’t let them see you cry. Don’t let them in. Don’t let them see…be the good girl you've always had to be!!

Wait a minute!?!

Wow! That song is deep! And invading my mind!

There are so many realms of truth in that film and song, I can write a whole series on it! But I won’t.

Anyways, I think we have had those moments, those emotions and stifled our truths behind “fine.” But how do you teach your children to not hide behind that little word? 

How do you teach your children to be honest, walk in truth and be free from the implications of being real in a world that would rather you be satisfactory?

1. Be Sensitive and understanding

You’re children are children and they have childish fears and childish emotions. That’s ok. We must not hinder those emotions, but allow them to find security in expressing their feelings to us. They will mature. They will grow up. They will know how to handle their emotions later in life, but right now, we must be sensitive to them and love them through those difficult moments of spilled milk and other childish wrongs.

2. Be Gentle and compassionate

Sometimes, instead of showing your frustration over the spilled milk or your annoyance due to the whining, getting down to their level and hugging them, quietly, without reprimand or lecture will change the force of their emotions and sensitivities. God calls us to be gentle, loving and compassionate. Jesus, when he looked at the people who were lost and hurting, he had compassion! Your children are small and need a shepherd to guide them and nurture them…be like Jesus and have compassion. Be gentle with their childish ways and love them.

3. Let them cry and relate to them

They need to know they aren't alone. Tell them your stories. Be vulnerable with your children. Show them that you aren't perfect and they aren't either and it’s ok. You will connect more when you are real with them, then when you are simply standing over them with pity.

4. Don’t pretend their feelings away and NEVER laugh at them.

They aren't fine. Their hurt is real, even if immature. Their pains are honest and this new world they are experiencing can be harsh. Let them find security at home. Let them be able to tell their hurts and fears without condemnation or embarrassment. The worst thing you can do to a child who is being honest is stifle their truth or hurt with punishment or disregard. And never laugh at them when they are being sincere…even if it is funny, because kids are so funny, but if they are being honest and sincere about something that is truly upsetting them, don’t laugh it away, they won’t understand the humor. Be gentle, listen well,love them well and hug them hard. You can always laugh later!

We need to teach our children to be real, honest, good and compassionate. If we show them these things from the time they are young, the hope is that they won’t fall into the trap of being fake and phony and fine. Instead, they will know that there is no condemnation in honesty and there is no fear in failure, but that in their most vulnerable states, they can help and heal those who are hurting and pretending to be fine.

You are His Beloved, 

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