A flower by any other name...

With my first two kids I had names picked out. I knew exactly what their names would be, no pronblem.

When I was pregnant with my first born my husband wanted a boy. He was not ashamed to speak it out loud, he wanted a boy and that was that. I was a little worried that it may not be a boy for his sake, but I wanted a boy too. I always liked the idea of having an older brother.

And sure enough...it's a boy! We named him Samuel.

I loved the name and I loved that story of the bible. Paraphrasing, Hannah was barren and wanted a baby so badly. She goes to the temple and is crying like a mad lady and Eli comes to her and is like, "are you drunk lady?" And I totally relate to this because when I am really upset or sad about something I can cry like a blubbering fool! So then she asks for a son and sure enough she gets preggo and has a son and then, after the baby is weaned she gives her son to God and he becomes the greatest prophet, Samuel.

I just love that.

Samuel means, "asked of God."

And that's what I did. I asked God for a son. A son who would be strong and independent. A son who would be like his daddy in so many ways. A son who would love the Lord with all his heart and would commit his life to Him. A son who would be a leader, a good brother, a good friend.

And I got that. He is a sweet boy. A great big brother. And he is just like his dad! Strong and independent (Ok so maybe I didn't know what I was gonna get!) He is worth all of it!

When I was pregnant with Baby girl I knew I was having a girl. The Lord had told me this and he said that I neede to really work out some of my issues before this precious child enetered the world. I was going to have a sweet baby girl who in many ways would be just like me...and she so is! I would have a baby girl who would carry with her some of the things I needed to truly break from my life so that I could help her break them so much earlier in her life.

It was a hard pregnancy, not physically, but emotionally. We had grandparents die within a month of each other, we had storms, real ones and metaphorical ones come in and tear up our home and tear up my mind.

It was a pregnacy filled with tears, guilt, fear, sadness.

I had such guilt for the feelings I had, because I felt like my faith was almost nothing. I couldn't trust the Lord and that tore me up inside.

And then Emma came. And in hold my precious baby girl, my faith was restored. Every fear, every tear vanished. She was my saving grace. She reminded me that no matter what was going on around me, after a year of pain and fear and insecurity, she was a christmas gift with a big red bow that reminded me that God is always with me.

Emma means " God is with us."

And so with baby #3 I was very much torn on what to name baby.

We found out it was a girl a few weeks ago! A sweet baby girl, wrapped in pink! I love girls :)

We were between two and I really couldn't decide. I wanted her name to mean something, to be as significant as my other two. I was explaining this to my husband while we were getting ready for church.

At church this past Sunday, during praise and worship I was praying that the Lord would tell me the name. That I would just know without a doubt.

And then this song came on and tears started pouring down. The bridge was sang and I was filled with joy and peace...

"Jesus Messiah

Name above all names
Blessed Redeemer
Emmanuel...

All our hope is in You

All our hope is in You
All the glory to You, God
The light of the world."

We have been blessed in naming our baby girl, Elleyna Ruth Portilla. Elleyna means light and my prayer is that she will be just that. A light to our family and everyone she meets. A light in this dark world.


"Dear Father, I am so excited to meet my sweet girl. Two girls! I pray over their relationship, I pray over their friendship. I pray for my son, that he will be thier protector and that he will be in love with both of them. That he will treasure his sisters and see what a blessed boy he is. I pray for Elleyna, that she will be all that her name means and more. Thank you for such blessing. In your precious name, Amen."