The theme of my life right now is..hmmm...trust in God. Oh wait a minute...that's what he has been trying to teach me for about a year now. Well, actually my whole life!
As always life is never dull, crazy and as always beautiful. And very, very full!
I have so much going on yet so many days I have found that I can barely, no, I don't get out of the house much!
The clock revolves around playing with my will be 3 this week boy and feeding, burping, changing, sleeping almost 3 month old baby girl. Whoo! It's exhausting.
Not to mention my dear husband has been overwhelmed, stressed and busy. Work has been crazy and so while I am learning to balance everything at home, he is trying to balance everything at home and at work.
I do have one major problem though and it took over this past week.
I try to be supermom.
Superwife.
Supercook (and we know that one is rather difficult).
Superhomemaker.
Superfriend.
Superchristian.
And I am so far from each of those.
Everytime I try to fly, I crash and burn.
And let's be honest, it's hard to hide extra baby weight in that lycra suit.
I need to cut myself some slack. Learn to let go. Learn when to say, "You know what, yes the kitchen is a mess but I am going to sit and play with my kid because the dishes can wait."
But why is it so hard to do that? Why can't I accept that the house will never be immaculate, that there will always be a few toys lying around and another dish to clean. I know that's life and the season we are in but I tend to nag myself about how things "should" be.
"I should have the house super clean, I should be teaching my kid his phonetics, I should be doing baby excercises with baby girl, I should be excercising myself, I should find time to hang out with friends, I should have longer quiet times, I should pray more, I should not eat that, I should shave my legs, I should have a four course meal, I should..."
And the list goes on.
So I'm trying. Trying to remember that this week my sweet baby boy will turn 3 and he won't always want me to stop what I'm doing and play. He won't say in his precious lisp, "Pwease mommy, pway wit me." I will remember that getting baby girl to laugh that sweet little gurgly laugh, like she did today for the first time, is more precious than dusting or sweeping.
I'm gonna say no to the guilt. I'm going to keep my house as orderly as I can without having that desire for perfection overtake anything else. I'm gonna love my kids and serve my husband.
I'm gonna try.
"Father help me remember to trust you. To know that I have no one else to please but you. Help me learn that if all I do one day is play with and love on my kids...well that is an accomplished day. Help me to learn that I don't have to prove anything or be anything more than what you desire of me. Help me to run this home as you desire. To teach my children to follow you and that they may see you through me in every thing I do. Thank you for always teaching me and helping me grow. In your precious name. Amen"
